Tercüme - Without any announcements (İngilizce)

Dziękuję, Aniu! Zaraz wyślę Ci również moją wersję jako most dla ekspertów, którzy będą oceniać...

I ask Lilian and Kafetzou for evaluation of the translation.

CC: lilian canale kafetzou

Here is my suggestion after combining this version and Aneta's own version of the poem. I hope Laura can improve it

"Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of coziness

They will not be
at one’s beck and call
They'd rather
surprise our hearts

And we will hardly believe
that all of a sudden,
unannounced and effortless,
the answer to our prayers
finally came"

"coziness" is from American English, isn't it, Lilly?

"all of a sudden" - What does it exactly mean?

They will not be
at one’s beck and call
They'd rather
surprise our hearts


In this verse there isn't any word about coming... what is actually the point of the verse or a quite important ingredient of it...

In Polish version "love and happiness don't come being at one’s beck and call, but come making our hearts surprised"

Is this possible to weave the word into the verse somehow?

i think Lilian's version sounds really nice! You can say "They will not come at our beck and call".

As for sounding poetic, I actually like the iluvmilka's version of the last part:

"They come – the answer to your life’s prayers"

Hi ladies,

Aneta, "coziness" is British, American would be "cosiness"

all of a sudden = suddenly/quickly and without warning

I liked your suggestions Kafetzou

See, Aneta? I told you Laura always has good ideas to offer

Laura, I really like: "They will not come at our beck and call". (similar to my version )

Ania's last sentence "They come – the answer to your life’s prayers" sounds also very nice...

Lilly, my dictionary says: BR "cosy" or US "cozy"... (isn't COZINESS from US "COZY"?) Strange... But ok. I believe you...

Thank you all!!!
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No, your dictionary is right, I made a mistake, the English word is the one written with "s"

Do you want me to edit the translation?

Oh, I'm glad, because I was just going to throw my dictionary away...

Yes, of course, I do! According to your version and the posts above...

Done!

Translator-Girls! What do you think about this version?

"The title: unannounced

Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness

They will not come
at our beck and call
They'd rather come
to surprise our hearts

And they will hardly believe [The subject is different! Suddenly "the surprised people" become the subject]
that all of a sudden
unannounced and effortless
the answer to their prayers
is coming..."

Well, Laura, I've changed the last line because it didn't convey Polish original.
not:"They come" --> because it will suggest that love and happiness are coming, meanwhile the answer/response is coming...
(of course the response = the love and happiness, but grammatically the subject is "the answer" here)

Ooops! Sorry Lilly!

I think that in that case you should change all the subjects into "people"
our beck and call ---> people's beck and call
our hearts ---> their hearts
they will hardly believe ---> people will hardly believe

I don't think that would sound well

Honestly, I prefer the first version.

Yes, Lilly, you probably are right. In Polish original the first part doesn't reveal the grammatical person...

Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness

They will not come
at anyone's beck and call
They'd rather come
to surprise hearts

But, in the second part THE SUBJECT suddenly appears --> THEY... (SURPRISED PEOPLE = WE)

Hmmm. How about this?

"Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness

will not come
at their beck and call
rather will come
to surprise their hearts

And they will hardly believe
that all of a sudden
unannounced and effortless
the answer to their life prayers
is coming..." / will be coming???

I have another idea.
Wouldn't be better to change future tense into praesens simple (as general speaking)?

I don't understand what you mean, sorry
Why do you want to change your poem?
I'm a bit confused now.
What did you mean originally? Was it in present or future?

Laura, please...

Tenses in Polish original are exactly the same as I used in the last version...

First verse: Praesent Simple or even Continuous

Second verse: Future Simple or Praesent Continuous for Future

Third verse: Future Simple

But my idea was about changing the last two verses for example in this way :

don't come
at their beck and call
rather come
to surprise their hearts

And they can hardly believe
that all of a sudden
unannounced and effortless
the answer to their life prayers
is coming..."

What do you think, Lilly and Laura?

I'm confused - who are "they"?

Hm, it is a kind of the poetic "outdistancing"... As an author and lyrical subject - I can see myself and the man from a some distance and write about "us" per "they"...