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| 29 Augusti 2008 14:21 |
LeinAntal inlägg: 3389 | Pfff... I find these texts really complicated and think you've done a brilliant job here! (Even if you pinched this one just before I was going to do it!) Remarks I have:
- 'wie auch andere' = 'like others', 'like other people do'. 'Amongst others' sounds a bit like 'amongst other things' to me (but I may be wrong).
- "... formal aspects of sonata theory, as it explicitly occurs...": I would say 'like it occurs explicitly'. I don't think the German text has anything like 'because', which is the way in which I interpret 'as' here.
- "...proof of the chorale "Was mein Gott will" from of the" ->? Should be something like "...proof of the chorale "Was mein Gott will" from the first movement and from the first line in each movement, respectively(bzw), ..."
- "In fact, the first movement can only be seen or: regarded, with some difficulty,
as having a sonata theme in the narrow(er) sense."
- "In this way both the first movement and finale oppose each other." -> 'both' doesn't belong here.
- bzw = respectively
- "Also, in organ sonatas" -> "in the organ sonatas too" (the comma shouldn't be here)
- ff-Zitat: ff passage, not indication
- fortführen = to continue, not to resume. |
| 29 Augusti 2008 17:45 |
| Thank you for your input. I have made the corrections, except for one which I don't think needs to be changed.
'Amongst others' is a bit ambiguous and could have either meaning, but I changed it to something with a clearer meaning.
I don't think "as it explicitly occurs" should be changed. I find it difficult to interpret "as" as "because" here. It doesn't make much sense with that meaning. |
| 29 Augusti 2008 17:59 |
LeinAntal inlägg: 3389 | OK, you're the native speaker! |
| 30 Augusti 2008 02:55 |
| "ff-zitat' should be tranlated as ff-citation.
It does not concern a passage here...
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| 30 Augusti 2008 06:27 |
| I originally translated "ff-Zitat" as "ff indication", which refers to the instruction to play loudly .
"ff passage" refers to the section of music where this instruction is to be followed.
"ff-citation" is a more literal translation, but it does not exist in English musical terminology.
I think "indication" fits better, but "passage" also makes sense. |
| 30 Augusti 2008 13:05 |
| I'm an active (Dutch) musician and here our international conductors DO speak of citations...
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| 30 Augusti 2008 20:46 |
| I am also a musician, though not professional.
And yes, there are citations, but not "ff citations". Citations are elements of music borrowed from another musical work. It would be silly to cite an ff symbol. However, "citation" could work if it was worded this way: "the citation of the ff passage" or "the cited ff passage" |
| 30 Augusti 2008 23:09 |
| Strictly spoken, you are right.
Although the German text does actually say ´ff-Zitat´ (or ´ff-citation') which doesn't appear to be the best of German language either, grammarwise.
And it's not uncommon to just say ff-citation.
Probably the writer means a cited passage, but that is not really obvious from this piece of text, since this is merely a very small piece of quite an article.
I think is might be wise to use one of the two last named options.
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| 31 Augusti 2008 05:33 |
| Alright then, I think "the citation of the ff passage" would be the best one. But the translation has already been accepted and I can't edit it anymore. I will call an administrator to change it. |
| 31 Augusti 2008 08:57 |
piasAntal inlägg: 8113 | |
| 31 Augusti 2008 14:40 |
| Done!
Just check if the edition is correct since my musical knowledge is (almost) 0. |
| 31 Augusti 2008 18:28 |
| Yes, it's correct. Thank you. |
| 31 Augusti 2008 23:03 |
| Shaneea,
Sorry, I see two more and last improvements.
One is just a typo: 'virtusoso'.
I think you mean to write virtuoso.
Secondly, 'Auseinandersetzung' is not an examination, but an explanation.
Would you agree?
After these, I'll definately shut up about this one...
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| 1 September 2008 02:40 |
| Yes I did mean to write 'virtuoso'.
However, I do not agree that 'Auseinandersetzung' is an explanation. Though if you really think that 'examination' is wrong, then i would suggest 'confrontation' instead. |
| 1 September 2008 11:39 |
| I do not mean 'confrontation' either. How does he want to confront, and with what?
'Auseinandersetzung' means - how shall I put it - to clarify, to account for.
(http://www.dict.cc/?s=auseinandersetzen)
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| 2 September 2008 01:37 |
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| 2 September 2008 00:00 |
| Hi Shaneeae,
I agree with your latest proposal. This one does match the original the most.
I assume you will take care of the adjustment of the translation.
Btw., very interesting and helpful site that I didn't know of, yet. Thanks for the tip. I'll add it to my list for future use.
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| 2 September 2008 00:19 |
| Hi guys, could you please check if the edition I've made is correct?
I feel there are so many "as" in the sentence. |
| 2 September 2008 01:47 |
| Reading it through, I agree there is a lot of "as".
Perhaps the first sentence can be changed to:
..., amongst others, the first sonata in a study of the traditional chorale set against formal aspects of sonata theory, as it (... etc.)
The 8th line from the top:
* which are regarded as transitions ...
might be changed into:
* ... are regarded to be transitions ...
What do you think?
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| 2 September 2008 01:46 |
| I few words are missing, and I just noticed that I had typed "an study" instead of "a study".
The first sentence should read like this:
(155) Gerd Zacher analyses, as do others, the first sonata as a study of... |