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Translation - Elle retracait... (French)

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30 November 2010 16:51  

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
I'd be a bit embarrassed for translating "retraçait" accurately (I mean if I were asked to provide you with a bridge). Although this text and the employed tenses looks like it is a short part from a literature work, use of "retracer" doesn't sound very happy here (whoever wrote it). I'd translate "retracer" with "listed", or "reminded", as the princess this text is about (it is told she married a prince) probably was thinking about the numerous times in her life when she provided the prince with acts of devotion, starting from a long time before she married this prince...

Maybe :
"She reminded her devotion, of which she gave brilliant proofs, a long time before her relationship with the prince be sanctified by marriage."

CC: Aneta B.
 

30 November 2010 23:10  

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Thank you, dear!

Just some of my doubts:

be sanctified --> had been sanctified?

and proofs of what?
 

1 December 2010 12:51  

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
I used "be" as a subjonctive here, but I may be wrong, in French with "avant que" (when the action didn't take place yet) the subjonctive mode is used, in English this is something I'm less sure about.

"of which" is for "devotion", so "proofs of devotion"

As I always tell, my bridges in English are worth what they are. I never translate from French into English (except simple texts) because of that.
 

1 December 2010 21:33  

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Don't be so modest, Francky! Your English is quite good.
Hm... So I think it should have been translated by "had been sanctified"... But I am not sure as well.

Lilly, you know French. Don't you? Could you help us a bit, pls?

CC: lilian canale
 

2 December 2010 02:10  

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
I'd say: "she had given" and "was sanctified"

@ Laura, could you check those verb tenses?

CC: kafetzou
 

2 December 2010 13:40  

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
You're right about "she had given", I should have paid more attention

The second one is "plus que parfait" from the subjunctive mode.
 

3 December 2010 06:45  

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
I don't understand "reminded" here. Could you explain? Does it mean "remembered", or is it something else? "remind" can only be used transitively - to remind someone of something. Maybe you mean "recalled", although I have to admit that I still don't understand it - what is meant with "brilliant proofs"?

As for the verb tenses, I think I agree with Lilian.
 

3 December 2010 06:53  

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
How about this:

"She recalled her devotion, of which she had given ample evidence a long time before her relationship with the prince was to be sanctified by marriage."
 

3 December 2010 11:10  

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
My suggestion:

"She reenacted her devotion, of which she had given striking proofs a long time before her relationship with the prince was sanctified by marriage."
 

3 December 2010 12:01  

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Hi girls!
Ha! Told you about my English, Aneta!

What about the use of "herself" with remind?
"reenacted" never seen this verb before...

Actually the meaning from "retraçait" here can logically be only applied to herself, as I hardly can see why this princess would remind someone else what her devotion to the prince consisted in!

"evidences" maybe instead of "proofs"?

But I'll leave you providing us with a solid bridge, mesdames!
 

3 December 2010 12:17  

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
I think Ian is the most suitable expert to help in this case. He will understand the original correctly and give the exact bridge

Please Ian, could you have a look at this thread and give your input?
Thanks in advance

CC: IanMegill2
 

3 December 2010 18:39  

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
I agree that Ian is probably your best expert on this one, but I think my version is OK. Lilian, "reenacted her devotion" sounds a bit strange in English. Proof is not pluralized in English except in the context of photography.

Actually, did you two see my version? You didn't say anything. Notice I even kept the subjunctive, in a way.

On the other hand, the question of why she would remind someone else of her devotion I think could have many answers. She may have been reminding the Prince, who would now be doubting her affection, or she might be reminding the public, or an advisor or a friend!

It would be nice to have a bit more context.
 

3 December 2010 22:41  

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Thank you everybody for your efforts! But this is only a bridge (not a translation). I think I have already got the meaning of the French text.

Actually the most understandable to me would be a compilation of Laura's and Lilly's and also Francky's version:

"She recalled her devotion, of which she had given striking/briliant evidence/proof a long time before her relationship with the prince was to be sanctified by marriage."
(I really like the subjunctive "was to be sanctified", Laura. Probably it could be also "was supposed to be sanctified". Is it what you meant, Francky?)

I understand that both "evidence" and proof" can be used only in singular in this context. Am I right? Anyway, I guess it is plural in French and in Polish would be as well.

What do you think? Can I use it and start translating into Polish?

 

4 December 2010 00:30  

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Sorry Laura, I didn't pay too much attention to your posts, I may have scrolled down the page a bit too fast!

You're right, this text has not enough context, the requester didn't abide with our rule #[7]

The requester did not log in since 2 Décembre 2010 15:08, which means she saw fraco's translation before it be rejected by Aneta

Aneta, could you tell the requester in Polish she's got to give us more context if she wants to have an accurate translation?

Thank you Aneta, Lilian and Laura!


 

4 December 2010 17:17  

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Of course, Francky!

-----

Droga Jassmin! Bardzo prosimy Cię o podanie kontekstu dla tego zdania, ponieważ według naszych ekspertów można je interpretować na różne sposoby. Prawdopodobnie wystarczy, że podasz nam zdanie, które je poprzedzało.
Pozdrawiam.
 

4 December 2010 18:57  

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
Francky, if the "be" in your original translation is the same as the "be" in your most recent post here ( "before it be rejected by Aneta" ), it should be "was" in English, as Lilian originally suggested.
 

4 December 2010 22:08  

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Hi!
Thanks to mention it Laura, sometimes my English is really bad, actually it relies on what time it is when I use it!

I was willing to know more about your English subjunctive, in French we would use it in the sentence("avant qu'elle ne soit rejetée par Aneta"; here we use subjunctive mode with "avant que", and indicative mode (tense s "passé composé"with "après que" . I should have thought English didn't use the subjunctive with "before", but the indicative.

I recently found some information on google : http: //www. translationdirectory. com/article284. htm
<=You may know this site, but the link here above is not to be used, I tried it and got stuck for a while, couldn't close the page afterwards, and it kind of bugged, so I'm distrustful about safety of this site, although I'm told it is safe when checking on google

On this page, I could read subjunctive consisted in the basic form of the verb (without "to", eg : for verb "to be" : "be", I focused on that but I should have taken care at whether English uses the subjunctive or not in this case!

I agree, it is much simpler (and correct, thus) to say "...before it was rejected by Aneta"

Thanks, Aneta and Laura, I hope the requester will answer, but as Lilian says, some people just log in, leave a translation request, and don't come back... At least we'll have communicated for a while and this isn't nothing.



 

5 December 2010 01:01  

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
Thanks for this, Francky - I always have trouble with the subjunctive in French. Mostly, I just forget to use it, because in English we rarely use it at all. The only times when we use it are:

1) after verbs of suggesting:

I suggested that he see a doctor.
It was advised that she get some sleep.
(but not after "I advised him" - that's followed by the infinitive)

2) in counterfactual conditional sentences:

I wish I were a lot younger.
If only she were here.

3) in a few archaic hold-over phrases from an earlier English. Here's a page with examples:

http://www.ceafinney.com/subjunctive/examples.html

And your English isn't nearly as bad as you think it is!!

 

5 December 2010 01:22  

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
You're right Francky! Even if a requester is not interested in, we are communicating and learning from each other!
Thank you, Laura, for the explanations! They were very helpful also to me. But can I ask you sth else? The second example doesn't seem to me like it includes any subjunctive. May "I wish I were" be considered a subjunctive form too?
 

5 December 2010 01:32  

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
Good question, Aneta. Some people consider the conditional to be a form of the subjunctive, although you're certainly right that the verb form is different.
 
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