Music presentation

Hi,

I am Frédéric, a French musician willing to release his first home made album.
I have written a text in French language to introduce my work and tried to translate it into English. However, I would need help to ensure my translation is correct, and I am pretty sure it is not! How should I proceed to get such help ?

I am ready to participate to English/French translation work in exchange. Below is my translated text so that you can see what I mean... Thanks in advance.

Frédéric

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I have always considered music as a travel of the mind. ALTITUDES is thus conceived as a journey in an imaginary sonic country, a route traced into a series of landscapes, alternating plains, mountains and plateaus. Surprise and excitement await the traveler beyond every bend, every pass and whatever his reaction the trip will have changed and enriched him.

ALTITUDES is therefore a contemplative music but it is not monotonic as long as profusion and agitation also deserve to be contemplated. I believe much in variety, in contrasts. This is why each step should be a discovery, a unique experience. Beyond that, this music without text does not claim anything definite and let the listener free to interpret it in order to resonate with it.

Man did not go onto the Moon aboard a caleche. To explore new worlds, one must find a way to reach them. I have chosen computers and synthesizers precisely because they enable to work on new forms and to tangle amazing audio artifacts.

I cherish a great fascination for sounds, a passion for listening, collecting, grinding them and creating new ones. Finally, composing music is the next step, that of mounting sound architectures after having picked up the stones in the environment or shaped bricks from clay.

This is not incompatible with the traditional approach, made of notes, melodies, harmonies. The two aspects can and should coexist, indeed ears absorb them as a whole. This is what I wanted to illustrate with ALTITUDES and the goal may be reached or not, I hope you will at least enjoy the trip.

Nobody to help me ?

Hi! My English is not better than yours, I'll add a Cc to some native English speakers for them to help you if they are available to do so.

Hi dear experts in English, please could you help and check the above text that was written by a French native speaker?

Thanks a lot!

CC: Lein lilian canale kafetzou IanMegill2

OK. Thanks for your help!
I also tried to submit my text for translation but I don't have points to do it yet...

You're welcome! I hope the experts will answer, as this is holidays period for most of us right now...

Yeah, why don't you submit your text in French, for it to be translated into English by a native English speaker?

Even if it (the server) tells you there isn't enough points, submit it and it will be in the translation requests in stand-by. Regularly connect to here and in 10 days you will be given more points.

It would be easier to do this if I could see the original. I'm not sure what you meant with "a travel of the mind" or "traced into", for example, which are both incorrect in English, but without knowing what you meant, I cannot correct them.

Of course. You'll find the original text below, a bit too ambitious for my skills in English language...
That would be really great if you could help me identify the problems and suggest corrections. I plan to offer the CD to anyone bringing significant help on this. Thanks in advance.

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J'ai toujours considéré la musique comme un voyage de l'esprit. ALTITUDES est ainsi conçu comme un périple dans une contrée sonore imaginaire, une route tracée dans une série de paysages, une alternance de plaines, de montagnes, de plateaux. L'étonnement et l'émotion attendent le voyageur derrière chaque virage, au delà de chaque col et quelle que soit sa réaction, le trajet l'aura transformé, enrichi.

ALTITUDES se veut donc une musique contemplative. Elle n'en est pas pour autant monotone car le foisonnement et l'agitation méritent aussi d'être contemplés. Je crois beaucoup à la variété, aux contrastes. C'est pourquoi chaque étape doit être une découverte, une expérience originale. Au delà, cette musique sans texte ne revendique rien de précis et laisse l'auditeur libre de son interprétation pour entrer en résonance avec elle.

L'homme n'a pas été sur la Lune à bord d'une calèche. Pour explorer de nouveaux mondes, il faut se donner le moyen de les atteindre. J'ai choisi les ordinateurs et les synthétiseurs car ils permettent justement de travailler sur des formes nouvelles et d'enchevêtrer des artefacts sonores inédits.

Je nourris une grande fascination pour les sons, une passion pour les écouter, les collectionner, les triturer et en construire de nouveaux. Finalement, composer de la musique est l'étape suivante, celle qui consiste à monter des architectures sonores après avoir ramassé les pierres dans son environnement ou façonné ses propres briques avec de la glaise.

Cela n'a rien de contradictoire avec l'approche traditionnelle, faite de notes, de mélodies, d'harmonies. Les deux aspects peuvent et doivent cohabiter car l'oreille les absorbe évidemment comme un tout. C'est ce que j'ai souhaité illustrer avec ALTITUDES et que le but soit atteint ou non, j'espère au moins que vous ferez bon voyage.

Good translation! Here's my version, based on yours, but with a few corrections:

I have always considered music as a journey of the spirit. ALTITUDES is thus conceived as a sojourn in an imaginary sonic territory, a route traced in a series of landscapes, alternating bamong plains, mountains and plateaus. Surprise and excitement await the travelers beyond every bend, every pass and whatever their reaction may be, the trip will have changed and enriched them.

ALTITUDES is therefore a contemplative type of music, but it is not monotone, as profusion and agitation also deserve contemplation. I believe very much in variety, in contrasts. This is why each step should be a discovery, a unique experience. Beyond that, this music without text does not demand anything in particular and leaves the listener free to interpret it in order to resonate with it.

Man did not land on the Moon in a horse-drawn carriage. In order to explore new worlds, one must find a way to reach them. I have chosen computers and synthesizers precisely because they enable one to work on new forms and to fuse and entangle previously unheard auditory artifacts.

I hold a great fascination for sounds, a passion for listening, collecting, grinding them up and creating new ones out of them. Finally, composing music is the next step, that of climbing the walls of sound structures after having collected the stones in one's environment or formed one's own bricks of clay.

This is not incompatible with the traditional approach, made of notes, melodies, and harmonies. The two aspects can and should coexist, and indeed our ears absorb them as a whole. This is what I wanted to illustrate with ALTITUDES and whether the goal is reached or not, I hope you will at least enjoy the trip.

Great! Many thanks for your translation. It is the result I had dreamed of!
However, I have a few questions:
- I don't know the word 'bamong' and can't find it in a dictionary - what does it mean?
- 'climbing the walls of sound structures' is not exactly the idea I wanted to express, probably because my translation ('mounting sound architectures') is not good. Indeed, the original French ('monter des architectures sonores'), which is almost a poetic image here, means rather 'creating some architectures that are made of sounds' (refering to 'montage' in French) and 'architecture' is an important word for me here. Maybe 'building sound architectures' would be OK. What do you think?

Oh - sorry! It's supposed to be "among". It started as "between" and I changed it to "among" to be grammatically correct, and I guess I left the "b" there.

"Architecture" is not countable in English, so you cannot say "architectures". That's why I had some trouble with this phrase. I'm guessing it does not mean exactly the same thing as in French. In English, we only use the word in phrases like this: "She studied architecture" and "The architecture of this building is very interesting." For that reason I'm not sure I understand what "architectures" means. Maybe "architectural modes" - "creating architectural modes out of sound"? I'm not sure.

OK for 'bamong'. This seems obvious now!

I now understand the problem with 'architecture'. The most important is to make a specific analogy with the idea of a 'building', a 'construction' (see 'stones' and 'bricks' afterwards) having a developed architecture. 'creating complex constructions made of sounds' is the idea but does not seem a good way to express it. Maybe 'building sound cathedrals' would be a nice poetic way to render it

This confirms I needed help from an expert!

We don't usually pluralize "construction" either. You could say "structures" - "creating complex structures out of sounds". "Building sound cathedrals" is cute, but brings up images of Catholicism for most English speakers - I don't think that's what you want.

Let me allow myself to create something a bit more poetic:

"Finally, composing music is the next step, that of allowing edifices of sound to rise up out of stones collected in one's own environment or bricks formed of one's own clay."

Fine. I think I'll keep your proposal which is exactly what I need.
Thanks for you help.