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31 October 2009 21:33 |
| Thank you, Ania!!! You're great!  
One question:
" but I don't smell those flowers anymore
why not "and" instead of "but" (like in my Polish version"?  |
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31 October 2009 21:50 |
| color --> colour
and I don't see my oppressors
--> I can see my oppressors |
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31 October 2009 21:49 |
| This is not Ania's translation, Aneta.  |
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31 October 2009 21:53 |
| Oh! I am so sorry! I am very tired today. I haven't noticed. Hehe . Thank you Aleksander!
Thank you, Lilly! |
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31 October 2009 23:05 |
| I thought "but" was more appropriate here, but now I'm not so sure. I think I'll change it.
Apologies for the mistakes (corrected), regards,
Aleksander |
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31 October 2009 23:06 |
| That wasn't "a" but "i"
i nie wącham już tamtych kwiatów ...
The context is clear I guess... 
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31 October 2009 23:08 |
| Moreover:
"your eyes had a different colour" (in a first verse) |
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31 October 2009 23:13 |
| "but I, a tame tree" --> it sounds a little weird. Don't you think?
Maybe better would be:
"but me being a tame tree" - I'm not sure of course... We need an English expert here... |
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31 October 2009 23:18 |
| "but me being a tame tree" - I'm not sure of course... We need an English expert here...
This is one of the things that could only be assessed by a native English expert on poetry. To me it seems OK as it is, but I'm not an expert. |
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31 October 2009 23:27 |
| "But as/being a tame tree,
I didn't know..." would be fine. |
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31 October 2009 23:34 |
| Thank you, my dear Lilly!
Tell me also, please, wheather Aleksander's version:
but I, the tame tree,
didn't know...
is also correct... It is closer to the original in this case... |
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1 November 2009 00:01 |
| One thing more--> the ending:
only have to
stand
up
stand up--> stand upright ?
For the expert: it means "standing with a proud and dignity". |
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1 November 2009 11:30 |
| Aneta, perhaps if we add "stoically" the line gets the sense you mean.
only have to
stand up
stoically
@ Aleksander, you don't have to state what corrections were done to the translation. That is something that through the messages posted under it, the expert who will evaluate the work will notice
Now, I'm setting a poll for it and you won't be able to edit it anymore, OK?
But don't worry. I think it's fine.
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1 November 2009 18:11 |
| Oh, I don't think you understood me, Lilly. I didn't write the litteral meaning above, but metaphorical.
Why "stand upright" is not good? It conveys precisely the Polish source.
With other words: "stand with erect back" |
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1 November 2009 22:08 |
| Since you said "standing with a proud and dignity", I thought it involved not only the erect position, but an impassive stance.
But if you say "stand upright" is enough to get the meaning of the original, let it be |
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1 November 2009 22:20 |
| Yes! The further meaning should be created just in our mind.
I wanted to give only a direction of our thinking... because I guess that it is natural that we will consider this "standing upright" as a human attitude full of proud and dignity... |
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1 November 2009 22:34 |
| a ja oswojone drzewo
--> but I, a tame tree
(2nd verse)
a ja młode drzewo
--> and I, the tame tree (5th)
I haven't noticed before, but the lines are the same in English, but not in Polish version!
młode --> young (but I don't know whether this adjective can be connected with a tree...)
Moreover, why first "tree" is followed by "a", and the next is with "the"??
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1 November 2009 22:39 |
| Oh! I have got an idea!
Maybe "młode drzewo"-->"unripe tree"? |
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1 November 2009 22:48 |
| Edited! I hope it's fine now. |
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1 November 2009 22:58 |
| Thank you Lilly! Yes it is.
I only wanted to ask about an order of the line:
"yours did not need I"
I understand it is a kind of syntactic inversion...or sth similar?
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