Dịch - Don't go, my crane, they will shoot you (English)

gramer yada kelime olarak problem değilde sanki basite indirgenmiş bir havası var anlamlar tutuyor ama orjinal metnin ahengini taşımıyor

ama bu cok zor bir sey .

I'm not quite sure about the following part:

Could I go back to my words
Could my heart be looked as traitorous
Could a faith be lived without any friend
Return, for God's sake

doesnt it look better as

'Can I go back to my words
Can my heart be looked at as traitorous
Can a faith be lived without a friend'



CC: handyy

Hi dear

yes, you're right, that part needs a few edits. It must be something like:


I gave my promise/my word, how could I break it/my promise/my word?
Could my heart be looked as traitor/disloyal?
Could one live happily without his beloved/Could a happy life be led without the beloved one?


As far as I know "devran sürmek" means "güzel, rahat bir hayat sürmek/yaşamak". What do you think, Cheesecake, about "devran sürmek"?


CC: cheesecake

Hi all,

I think you are right handyy, devran sürmek means to have a great, carefree life which means we can say "a happy life"/ "live happily". I also agree that "beloved" should be used instead of a friend

"Could a faith be lived without any friend " yerine "Could a faith be lived without any lover " olmalı

Handyy, can you correct your corrections please? I'm not sure whether I understood everything correctly..

Hmmm, please tell me what you didn't understand fully, dear.

Yarsız devran sürülür mü (Yar: beloved)....

Çevirinin en zor kısmı şiirdir. Çünkü bir şiir başka bir dile çevrilemez.Ancak diğer dilde yeni bir şiir yazılabilir. Bir şiiri çevirmek için diğer dile çok hakim olmak gerekir. Bazen anlamı çevirirsiniz ama çevirilen cümle havada kalır... Çünkü diğer dilde bir yeri yoktur Sana katılıyorum adrenomer...

'I made a decision,could I go back
Does my heart seem treacherous?
Can you live happily with no beloved
Come back, for goodness sake'

"yarsız devran sürülür mü" does not give the meaning "could a faith be lived without any friend"

just some parts to be edited:
1. instead of "go from" (the first line) "leave" would be better

2. maybe "apartness" sounds better instead of "separation"

3. "without" +"a beloved one" or some other choice of words

4. "go back on" instead "go back to" and also "I promised" for "ikrar verdim" lacks here

5. "Could a faith be lived without any friend" should be edited a bit. i think faith was meant "fate" (a typo here) but still it doesn't convey the meaning, maybe you should use just "life" and "a sweetheart/beloved one" for "yarsız"

6. same comment for the last line

Hi Chantal, will you finish evaluating this translation or would you like someone else to take care of it?

If only someone would be able to help me do twice as many things in the same amount of time.. I'm sorry I really wanted to help you out with all the translations but I just don't seem to be able to manage..

OK, don't worry
Some evaluations turn out a nightmare sometimes.
Let's have a fresh start here. It seems there are several edits to be made.
I'll try to finish it with the help of handyy and smy, OK?

I hope you will be more available soon

Girls,
I've made some edits according to your suggestions. Would you check them, please?

CC: cheesecake smy

Lilian, I think it looks pretty good like that. Only this part ( though it's OK with the meaning, structurally it's different) ;

You will be left without a beloved -> "They will leave you without a beloved"

I thought "they" was not important. What really matters is "you", the feeling of being alone, left without a beloved, not the fact that "they" will do that. See what I mean?
But if that changes the meaning I can turn it back.

Oh Gosh! Thank you all

And I'm sorry, I've done this translation but I didn't help you guys

Yes I see, but in my opinion, the whole song also tells about the cruelty of "them" and the bad things they will do to her ( to the crane). So if we say "They will leave you without a beloved" which is also literally says, we emphasize that they are the reason why she is left without a beloved.
But that's my opinion