翻译 - Under your gaze (英语)

Dzięki znowu, Aniu!

I ask Lilian for evaluation of this poem...

CC: lilian canale

Hi Aneta, Hi iluvmilka,
Great job! I'd just suggest a few options to make it sound more natural.


The way you looked at me,
The way you still do,
Has enchanted me

When I beheld your hands
I desired their touch
Your warm voice plied me a shelter
Then...I could be myself
And I could be gorgeous

What do you think?

I'm ashamed! I typed "you still does"!!!

For me great, Lilian!
But what does "plied" mean? It is from "ply" and does it mean sth like "fill out" or "fulfil"?

ply/provide/supply/cater = provide what is desired or needed, especially support, food or sustenance

I got it!
So, it's perfect now I guess! Unless Ania has any suggestions... ?
Thank you both!

It seems to be alright. But as i said, you could use some of my ideas such alliteration just to make it more poetic but obviously its your poetry so you can choose

Well, maybe my poetry, but I can't decide what is more beautiful and correct in English... We think in Polish, Ania, because we are Polish. Let's trust Lilian! She is a great English expert.

Lilly, you can accept, I guess.

What is "plied me a shelter"? I don't understand that phrase.

Also, I'm not sure about "I could be gorgeous" - the word "gorgeous" is usually used to describe a woman who is strikingly beautiful (appearance). It can also be used for a landscape. But we almost never use it describe ourselves - it sounds a bit like boasting.

Doesn't it mean "provide a shelter/feeling of safety"?

He he.. It was Ania's proposition. I typed in my brigde to Lilly: "I could be beautiful"

I meant that under his gaze I could feel to be beautiful...

Why did you use "plied"? How about "given me" or "provided me with"?

How about this: "Your warm voice gave me a shelter from the storm" - This is a common phrase in English, and it gives the image of warmth and safety.

"I could be beautiful" is much better.

By the way, we don't say "feel to be" - we would either just say "feel beautiful" or "feel that I am/was beautiful".

Thank you, Laura! I appreciate your help...
I like your proposition with the idiom very much... Let's wait for Lilian...

If "shelter from the storm" is too long, you could say this: "Your warm voice gave me shelter" - without the article it gives the meaning you want.

You're welcome, Aneta - it's a beautiful poem!

Thank you, dear Laura! I've got more of them. Three Ania's translations of them already evaluated... I will regularly submit all of them... Could you help in improving the translations from time to time (as a native), please?

I'm sending you a pm.

What do you think, Lilly, after the discussion with Laura? What shall we do now?

I think if Laura is available, she is certainly a better choice to evaluate your poems as a native speaker. I'd like her to take care of them.

Laura, what do you say? Do you have some free time to help us with that?
Aneta and her poetry deserve getting the best possible translations

Lilly, I don't agree, sorry The more people working on them, the better I believe... I wanted she jointed to our team (4 people now) and helped us too. But I still need your help, dear one. In Polish we say: "Co dwie głowy, to nie jedna" (literally: The one head isn't so good as two heads" )

Please, don't give up. I asked your opinion in the post above, because it is very important for me. Kafetzou is a native but American one. I requested about British English translations...Can you remember?