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Translation - Don't go, my crane, they will shoot you (English)

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Message

8 August 2009 03:48  

adrenomer
Number of messages: 17
gramer yada kelime olarak problem değilde sanki basite indirgenmiş bir havası var anlamlar tutuyor ama orjinal metnin ahengini taşımıyor
 

10 August 2009 22:16  

Chantal
Number of messages: 878
ama bu cok zor bir sey .

I'm not quite sure about the following part:

Could I go back to my words
Could my heart be looked as traitorous
Could a faith be lived without any friend
Return, for God's sake

doesnt it look better as

'Can I go back to my words
Can my heart be looked at as traitorous
Can a faith be lived without a friend'



CC: handyy
 

11 August 2009 19:28  

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
Hi dear

yes, you're right, that part needs a few edits. It must be something like:


I gave my promise/my word, how could I break it/my promise/my word?
Could my heart be looked as traitor/disloyal?
Could one live happily without his beloved/Could a happy life be led without the beloved one?


As far as I know "devran sürmek" means "güzel, rahat bir hayat sürmek/yaşamak". What do you think, Cheesecake, about "devran sürmek"?


CC: cheesecake
 

12 August 2009 17:37  

cheesecake
Number of messages: 980
Hi all,

I think you are right handyy, devran sürmek means to have a great, carefree life which means we can say "a happy life"/ "live happily". I also agree that "beloved" should be used instead of a friend
 

14 August 2009 20:20  

uziman
Number of messages: 13
"Could a faith be lived without any friend " yerine "Could a faith be lived without any lover " olmalı
 

15 August 2009 10:48  

Chantal
Number of messages: 878
Handyy, can you correct your corrections please? I'm not sure whether I understood everything correctly..
 

15 August 2009 14:44  

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
Hmmm, please tell me what you didn't understand fully, dear.
 

15 August 2009 17:26  

kendin_ol_19
Number of messages: 99
Yarsız devran sürülür mü (Yar: beloved)....
 

15 August 2009 18:25  

kendin_ol_19
Number of messages: 99
Çevirinin en zor kısmı şiirdir. Çünkü bir şiir başka bir dile çevrilemez.Ancak diğer dilde yeni bir şiir yazılabilir. Bir şiiri çevirmek için diğer dile çok hakim olmak gerekir. Bazen anlamı çevirirsiniz ama çevirilen cümle havada kalır... Çünkü diğer dilde bir yeri yoktur Sana katılıyorum adrenomer...
 

14 September 2009 18:03  

Nana93
Number of messages: 18
'I made a decision,could I go back
Does my heart seem treacherous?
Can you live happily with no beloved
Come back, for goodness sake'
 

15 September 2009 12:19  

Mundoikar
Number of messages: 28
"yarsız devran sürülür mü" does not give the meaning "could a faith be lived without any friend"
 

26 September 2009 03:57  

smy
Number of messages: 2481
just some parts to be edited:
1. instead of "go from" (the first line) "leave" would be better

2. maybe "apartness" sounds better instead of "separation"

3. "without" +"a beloved one" or some other choice of words

4. "go back on" instead "go back to" and also "I promised" for "ikrar verdim" lacks here

5. "Could a faith be lived without any friend" should be edited a bit. i think faith was meant "fate" (a typo here) but still it doesn't convey the meaning, maybe you should use just "life" and "a sweetheart/beloved one" for "yarsız"

6. same comment for the last line
 

14 October 2009 21:16  

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Hi Chantal, will you finish evaluating this translation or would you like someone else to take care of it?
 

14 October 2009 22:00  

Chantal
Number of messages: 878
If only someone would be able to help me do twice as many things in the same amount of time.. I'm sorry I really wanted to help you out with all the translations but I just don't seem to be able to manage..
 

14 October 2009 22:04  

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
OK, don't worry
Some evaluations turn out a nightmare sometimes.
Let's have a fresh start here. It seems there are several edits to be made.
I'll try to finish it with the help of handyy and smy, OK?

I hope you will be more available soon
 

14 October 2009 22:17  

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Girls,
I've made some edits according to your suggestions. Would you check them, please?

CC: cheesecake smy
 

14 October 2009 22:37  

cheesecake
Number of messages: 980
Lilian, I think it looks pretty good like that. Only this part ( though it's OK with the meaning, structurally it's different) ;

You will be left without a beloved -> "They will leave you without a beloved"
 

14 October 2009 22:44  

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
I thought "they" was not important. What really matters is "you", the feeling of being alone, left without a beloved, not the fact that "they" will do that. See what I mean?
But if that changes the meaning I can turn it back.
 

14 October 2009 22:48  

Lizzzz
Number of messages: 234
Oh Gosh! Thank you all

And I'm sorry, I've done this translation but I didn't help you guys
 

14 October 2009 23:05  

cheesecake
Number of messages: 980
Yes I see, but in my opinion, the whole song also tells about the cruelty of "them" and the bad things they will do to her ( to the crane). So if we say "They will leave you without a beloved" which is also literally says, we emphasize that they are the reason why she is left without a beloved.
But that's my opinion
 
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