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| 31 August 2007 21:46 |
| Hi Bacarolle
This looks good, but I don't really understand the
"I stare at you and I tremble With your eyes, since I was a child"
which doesn't mean much in English. Maybe we could put "I stare at you and tremble Under your regard since I was a child.
Also the last line, and this is only a suggestion, maybe you could put " and I won't make another" rather than "and I will not be wrong again. In any case, in this last line "i" should read "I".
Bises
Tantine |
| 31 August 2007 23:05 |
| That was definitely a line that I had been having misgivings about. I thought "with your eyes" might work poetically, but this is a "meaning only" and it sounds awkward in any context. "Under your regard" doesn't sound right to me, maybe "under your gaze" ? |
| 1 September 2007 06:39 |
| Hi Bacarolle,
It is a bit of a difficult phrase this one, but your suggestion of the word "gaze" seems to be far too "soft". This person is trembling, with fear, I imagine, which is why I suggested the very formal regard as in "steely regard".
Bises
Tantine |
| 1 September 2007 07:35 |
| - "I don't give up."
- "da bambino" is not "since I was a child". >> "With your eyes as a child" |
| 1 September 2007 13:38 |
| Grazia nava,
So it should be more like
"... I stare at you and your childish eyes make me tremble..." ?
Bises
Tantine
nava, I've got overdue Italian homework to do for you, please excuse me, I've been very busy, I'll get back to it as soon as I can |
| 1 September 2007 15:07 |
| Hi Bacarolle
I think the phrase should read,
"I stare at you and your childish eyes make me waver"
Linked to the last line, this seems totally logical.
Bises
Tantine
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| 2 September 2007 14:52 |
| .......with your childrens eyes..... |
| 3 September 2007 06:21 |
| ich glaube die Ãœbersetzung ist nich ganz korrekt.
Er schreibt: coi tuoi occhi da bambino.
With your eyes, since I was a child means: con i tuoi occhi da cuando ero und bambino |
| 3 September 2007 16:33 |
daTal av boðum: 2 | coi tuoi occhi da bambino means not with your eyes, since i was a child but With your eyes as a child, that is that his eyes is just like the cild ones. |
| 3 September 2007 19:32 |
| Hi all
Thanks for the precisions. I still suggest using "childish eyes" or "childlike eyes" here.
bises
Tantine |
| 4 September 2007 12:06 |
| With your child-like eyes |
| 5 September 2007 04:25 |
| I changed it and re-set the voting. |
| 5 September 2007 04:41 |
| i stare at you and i'm shaking
with your child-like eyes"-this should be translating word by word |
| 5 September 2007 07:58 |
| "I made a mistake once and i will not be wrong again " = > i was once wrong and i will not be again
"I'm not giving up" => i will not give up
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| 5 September 2007 08:57 |
| Just a bet... maybe "shiver" instead of "waver". |
| 5 September 2007 09:17 |
| Hi goncin,
I thought about shiver myself, but I think here maybe "tremo" could be translated by "hesitate" and not by "tremble".
I find that this fits in perfectly with the last line "I already made a (maybe "the" mistake once, and I won't make another.
In other words, I think this is a rupture scene and A is saying to B "I tried to break it up beween us before and your pleading childish eyes made me change my mind. I will not be taken in by these same eyes again.
In this case, I also find that "non mi arrendo" would be better translated as "I won't surrender".
Bises
Tantine |
| 5 September 2007 13:02 |
| sembra italiano tradotto letteralmente |
| 5 September 2007 13:26 |
| now it all makes more sense, thanks for the input. I guess the biggest mistake was translating "da bambino" as since I was a child instead of it modifying "eyes."
I was hesitant about "waver" at first, but I think it works well if you really want to get across the concepts of shaking/trembling and indecision all in one word.I didn't agree with "regard" only because it has a sort of dry, neutral, or formal quality in English, which isn't really the tone of this poem. Regard is usually used as a way of looking upon something with a particular feeling "he regarded him with envy" or as a substitute for "concerning" "the issue regarding the car accident" or as an ending to a letter "kind regards"
"I won't surrender" definitely works better..
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| 6 September 2007 17:15 |
| I termini inglesi utilizzati non corrispondono alla sensazione indotta dai termini italiani. |
| 6 September 2007 18:04 |
| Ciao Mordicchio, benvenuta!
Hai ragione, ma il fatto è che questa è una traduzione "Solo significato", ciò significa che la traduzione deve soltanto corrispondere al significato del testo originale, mentre il resto sono sfumature non importanti. Una traduzione solo significato viene richiesta per esempio per un testo scritto in una lingua sconosciuta, ed il suo obiettivo è di rispondere in maniera più veloce ma tuttavia efficace. Una traduzione Solo significato può essere fatta anche con una conoscenza della lingua di destinazione approssimativa, ma in ogni caso l'importante è capire il senso testo originale e farlo capire in un'altra lingua, seppur sbagliata grammaticalmente.
Spero di essere stato esaudiente |