Translation - Japonese-English - あなたが居ない人生よりもゆっくりと死んでいった方がいい

Maybe "better to die slowly"

What do you think?

Master Ian:
I know I'm being bold...but could I suggest:

It would be better dying slowly to spending my life without you. ???

Does that match the Japanese text?

Hi David!
Thanks for your suggestion! If you prefer the adverb after the verb (where it would usually be, of course), that's fine with me too.
My rationale for putting it in front was that to me, this location emphasized the verb "die," so the nuance became:
I'd rather slowly die than live without you.
My feeling for "die slowly" would be that the emphasis would either not be there, or perhaps even be:
I'd rather die slowly than live without you.
As in the sentence
He slowly stepped into the room
vs.
He stepped slowly into the room.
(It feels to me that the "slowly" is de-emphasized in the first sentence, whereas in the second it gains in importance?)
Hmm...
But the Japanese text (which was actually completely rewritten by ミハイル, a Japanese expert anyway: I hope Ana3 won't mind...!) doesn't have its emphasis on the "slowly." If anything, the emphasis in the Japanese is on the "die," as the adverb comes before the verb in the Japanese too.
But maybe the emphasis is only there to my ears...? If you prefer it the other way around, that's okay too!

Sorry David,
I forgot to CC you on that one!

CC: dramati

Hello Mistress Lilian!
Sounds like we are Jedis or something!
Unfortunately, English grammar won't permit us to say
It would be better dying slowly to spending my life without you
We'd have to say
It would be better to die slowly than to spend my life without you
or
I would prefer dying slowly to spending my life without you
or
I would feel better dying slowly than spending my life without you

The problem with your suggestion is the
It would be better...
construction, which must be used in the form
It would be better to ... than to ...
to satisfy the requirements of English grammar!
But thanks for your suggestion! I always want to hear what you think!

Hmmm...
I thought I'd try it another way, sticking a little less closely to the Japanese, but perhaps sounding better in English.
Do you prefer the second or the first?

Jedis is great!

Is this any better?

Dying slowly would be better than spending my life without you.

Apprentice Lilly.

That's perfect too, Lilian!
Hmmm...Maybe dramati would prefer that one...
Anyway, any one of them is fine with me!

May the Force be with you...
;;
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Live, Love, Learn, Laugh...

Good for us!