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Translation - Portaingéilis (na Brasaíle)-English - Soneto (1)Current status Translation
This text is available in the following languages:  
| | | Source language: Portaingéilis (na Brasaíle)
AGITE ANTES DE USAR
Se houveres de me amar, então que não te iluda
Do poeta a feição pela vida esculpida:
Rude. O Ãmpio cinzel, porém, em sua lida
A primitiva essência da pedra não muda.
Não te impressiones com o silêncio de meus lábios,
Pois não é neles que minh’arte transparece
E sim na pena que às palavras enobrece
Mesmo nas páginas de velhos alfarrábios.
Antes olhe o meu verso da fisionomia;
É ele a alma que à mais bela paixão cultiva,
Porque razão maior de viver não teria.
E só na poesia, a técnica emotiva,
Bem mais que musa te fazer eu poderia,
Levar-te aos céus e te dizer: és minha diva... |
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| | | Target language: English
SHAKE BEFORE USE
If you might love me, don't be deceived
By the poet's features, sculpted by life:
Rude. The impious graver, however, in its drudgery,
Does not change the primitive essence of the rock.
Don't be fooled by the silence of my lips
For it's not through them that my art appears
But through the plume that ennobles the words
Even on the pages of old manuscripts.
Before looking at my face, look at the verse.
It truly is the soul of the inspiration of the most beautiful passion,
Because I would not have a better reason for living.
And only in poetry, the emotional technique,
Much more than a muse I could make you
Lift you up to heaven and say: you are my diva. |
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Last messages | | | | |
12 February 2008 12:42 | | 
goncinNumber of messages: 3706 | (Bravo)², Lilian! 
Just one thing: the first verse of 3rd stanza is a trap. The word order is totally inversed, as it's allowed in poetry. The straightforward period reads: Olhe meu verso antes da fisionomia.
Good work!  | | |
12 February 2008 12:43 | | | OK, agora veja o 3.  | | |
16 February 2008 11:42 | | | Hi Lilian,
What do you think?
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If you could love me, don't be deceived
By this poet's features, sculpted by life:
Rude. The impious engraver, however, in his drudgery,
Does not change the original essence of the rock.
Don't be taken in by the silence of my lips
For it's not through them that my art appears
But through the plume that ennobles the words
Even on the pages of old manuscripts.
Before looking at my face, look at the verse.
It is truly the soul that inspires the most beautiful passion,
Because I have no better reason for living.
And only in poetry, the emotional technique,
Much more than a muse I could make you
Lift you up to heaven and tell you: you are my diva. | | |
24 May 2008 22:05 | | | Ok, , I just want to know why aren't you "bolding" this time? hahaha
Let's see:
1- If you could love me (I used "may" because the original: houveres, means a possibility, something that might happen someday)
2- this poet's features (in the original should have been: deste poeta, intead the author uses do, so "the" 
3- Don't be taken in, (I'm not sure about this. "To be impressed by" seems more accurate to me)
4- It is truly the soul that inspires the most beautiful passion. ( here the period is inverted, I think we should keep it as it is in order to avoid making the verse plainer than it is)
5- "I would not have better reason" I think should stay as is, because it is used conditional tense, here.
5- lift you up 
What do you think?
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17 February 2008 15:46 | | | Hmm...Okay, how about these?
1 - If you might love me... ("may" also means "be allowed to," which is not the meaning here)
2 - I see what you mean. I just thought it would be clearer if we said this poet, i.e. me... Anyway, the poet is okay too; there are no grammatical problems with that.
3 - In English, "be impressed by" would mean "to think it was wonderful." But it seems from the context here that it is "don't be disappointed by..."; "don't think I'm not creative...? 
In English we might say
don't be fooled by...
if we wanted to express this idea (it can be used with both positive and negative meanings)
4 - The problem here is that, as it stands now, the grammar says that beautiful passion inspires the (i.e. the poet's) soul, when I think the meaning is my (i.e. the poet's) soul can inspire beautiful passion in you (i.e. the reader)?
5 - I see. So we can say
I would not have a better reason...
I think we need the a here in English.
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If you can fix the above points, I'll put it up for a vote now! | | |
17 February 2008 16:38 | | | Ian:
Unfortunalely, I couldn't see on time your last comments since the translation had already been accepted , therefore I was not able to edit anything else on it.
Maybe you can do it.
But I still can answer what you pointed out.
1- might
3-Don't be fooled by
4- The verse is the soul which cultivates the passion...
5- a better reason
Thanks Master.
You have been kind and patient, like you always are.
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18 February 2008 05:50 | | | |
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Favorite translations
You are Lilly and I am Ian!