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Translation - French-English - Texte biographique d'un groupe musical

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Title
Texte biographique d'un groupe musical
Text
Submitted by ennynla
Source language: French

Vers la fin de l'année 2009, le groupe accueille deux nouveaux guitaristes : M.et S.
2010 marque le véritable début de W.D. qui sort enfin son album "C." et entame ses premiers concerts dans de petits bars stéphanois (l'Assommoir, le Thunderbird, le Black Bar Hell) puis participe au Down Fest dans une véritable salle de concert : le Fil.

Title
Biography of a music band
Translation
English

Translated by Jeffw
Target language: English

Towards the end of 2009, the band welcomed two new guitarists: M. and S.
2010 sees the true beginning for W.D. who finally launch their album "C." and undertake their first gigs in the small bars of St-Étienne(l'Assommoir, le Thunderbird, le Black Bar Hell) then perform at the Down Fest in a real concert venue: the Fil.
Validated by lilian canale - 4 June 2010 12:31





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3 June 2010 20:30

Tzicu-Sem
จำนวนข้อความ: 493
Hello,

A few suggestions:

--> "2010 has seen.."
--> "who have finally released their album (called) "C".";
--> "and they have given their first..." (collocations: 'give a concert', not 'undertake a concert');
--> "then have performed at [...] in a distinct Concert Hall: the Fil."

3 June 2010 21:57

lilian canale
จำนวนข้อความ: 14972
Hi Tzicu,
The original uses the present form of the verbs (biographic style). Why should we change into past?

About "undertake" I agree that is not the best option for "entamer". I'd use "start"
Francky, what do you think?

CC: Francky5591

3 June 2010 22:46

Tzicu-Sem
จำนวนข้อความ: 493
Hello Lili,

I suggested Present Perfect as a speech tense. I know that in English Present Simple is used for general statments, permanent actions, etc., which is not the case here because the events described are well placed in time:year 2010...
About "entamer"... What if we use "hold (a concert)"
Also, I had a suggestion for "launching an album" too. And "salle de concert" is simply "concert hall."

3 June 2010 22:49

Francky5591
จำนวนข้อความ: 12396
Well, I don't know, Lilian, I honestly can't assume anything. I must confess my English isn't as accurate as yours... or Jeffou's.
I've been visiting Jeffw's personal website and I think he's living in Wales, so I voted 100% as I think his English must be fluent.

Undertake : "entamer", "entreprendre", IMO it matches the meaning.

I would also have used the past tense at first line, but maybe are you right on this point (biographic style), and maybe did I wrongly focus on "2009" when I tried to translate...

Hi Jeffw, what do you say?







CC: Tzicu-Sem lilian canale

3 June 2010 23:42

lilian canale
จำนวนข้อความ: 14972
Yes, Tzicu, I understood your "present perfect", but it's not necessary to change the tense here, it's a present description no matter the year mentioned.

launch/release, both are correct
"concert venue" or simply "venue" are also correct.
I think this translation is quite good, the only thing I'd change is that verb: "undertake".

4 June 2010 10:33

Francky5591
จำนวนข้อความ: 12396
In French "entamer ses premiers concerts" and "entreprendre une série -(une tournée) de concerts" is equivalent.

In my antediluvian French-English dictionary, I've got, as a definition of the verb "to undertake" : Entreprendre (a journey, a task), so as I said above, here "undertake" also matches the meaning of the French verb "entamer".


4 June 2010 11:46

Jeffw
จำนวนข้อความ: 5
Hello everyone/Bonjour tout le monde !

So... I tried to stay as close as possible to the original text, as translation should, and not to 'rewrite' it in an other language, which would be adaptation (but then again, I could be wrong), that explains weird stuff like "real concert venue".

As for the rest :

- I switched to past tense for the first sentence because the PRESENT can't describe past action in English but decided to keep it for the rest of the text because we're still in 2010 and, again, it's true to the original.

- "undertake" was in relation of a tour (several gigs), but I admit it's not very clear...

- And yes, "finally" is far better than "at last", but for the 'release/launch' debate I'm not to fussy... I would keep it in present tense though...

(Yes Francky, I live in Wales ('Welsh' is my 'Other') and I hope my English is fluent by now... despite everything my wife can say... :P )

4 June 2010 15:01

Francky5591
จำนวนข้อความ: 12396
Thanks for your input as well as for the translation, Jeffw!

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