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| | 21 Tháng 7 2008 19:21 |
| | Hi lamiao,
This is a fine work!
But we'll have to work a couple of lines OK?
"Never seen one like you, neither loved one as you "
I think that would read:
"Never have I seen or loved one like you"
And I'm just in doubt about "recall" in the 4th line. Could it be "remember"?
"Like a rain in love oozing from my eyes"
What do you mean by "a rain in love"?
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| | 22 Tháng 7 2008 08:18 |
| | Hello lilian canale,
Well, the first line you mentioned could of course be more grammatically correct the way you wrote it, but since it is a poem I tried to stay loyal to both the meaning and the structure of the poem and hence I preferred to put it that way so that it would sound more poetic.
"Remember" can be used instead of "recall" though I believe "recall" does give the meaning just as well.
I used "a rain in love" because that's what goes in the original poem (which is in Turkish): "sevdali bir yagmur" means "a rain in love".
Thanks for the feedback.
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| | 22 Tháng 7 2008 14:40 |
| | Hi again lamiao,
Well...about "recall" it's Ok. "a rain in love" is still weird, but perhaps at the poll other people suggest something.
However that line: "Never seen one like you, neither loved one as you" has to be corrected.
That "never" starting the sentence calls an inversion in syntax, otherwise it's plain wrong.
So, please, think about a solution, OK? |
| | 22 Tháng 7 2008 15:00 |
| | Hello,
So, for the sentence beginning with "never" let's change it to "I've never seen anyone like you, I've never loved anyone as much as you" if we must. This way it is 100% grammatically correct and understandable by everyone. OK?
For the term "a rain in love", I will look forward to see other people's suggestions, as long as they stay true to the meaning.
I will also be looking forward to other people's evaluations on the whole.
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| | 22 Tháng 7 2008 15:14 |
| | OK, that sounds better. Will you edit please?
By the way...why did you call for an admin? Is there any further explanation you need? |
| | 22 Tháng 7 2008 16:02 |
| | I have edited the "never" line. I called for an admin, so that they could give a suggestion for "rain in love", I thought that was what you had meant. |
| | 22 Tháng 7 2008 16:36 |
| | Oh, no, what I said was that at the poll someone (the other members who master both languages) could offer a suggestion.
Let's set the poll, then. |
| | 22 Tháng 7 2008 16:49 |
| | OK, how do we set the poll? |
| | 22 Tháng 7 2008 17:06 |
| | I've done that already.
To follow it, you can click on your profile, "All translations" on the left. |
| | 24 Tháng 7 2008 10:47 |
| ![](../avatars/50537.img) serbaTổng số bài gửi: 655 | |
| | 24 Tháng 7 2008 12:50 |
| | Cheers Serba ![](../images/emo/smile.png) |