Original text - English - Letter Part 1

I wanted to write this letter to you, because there is no other solution/way for me apart from sharing that pain with you! I really have hard days. I cut myself loose from life and I'm alone with my sorrow. I had very good times with you, I took pleasure in everything we did, and I had fun. Keeping a pet/Feeding animals, going to the cinema, shopping and the parks, eating meals together, wathching movie at home, viewing the magnificent scene from the balcony, and above all, having a chat with you was very very nice and enjoyable. Sleeping by your side was always special for me. When being in your arms, resting my head on your chest, listening to your heartbeats, I felt indefinable peace and confidence with you. You're very special for me, and I know that you have been so honest and sincere toward me all the time. Amongst people whom I have met so far, you are the one with whom I get on very well and whom I love the most in my life. You know how my life conditions are, and as long as your love is inside of me, I don't think that I could have a relationship with an other person. I miss your beautiful and blue eyes, the peace/comfort you made me feel, your sweet voice, and your everything very much. Do you remember that you always said “I'm not so funny person!”, but I always had a great time with you. There is such a big love for you inside of me that you can't imagine it! Now all I want is just to hug you tightly, to wrap you with my love, and to smell you to my heart's content. I miss your smell very very much as well. I know something begins and then finishes in life, but I wish this happiness had never come to an end, and had never slipped down from my hands. I woke from my dream in which I was walking on clouds with your painful decision. I know you wanted it in this way, there is nothing to do and I respect your decision, but now this sweet dream becomes a nightmare which seems not to be over throughout my life. I am so unhappy and so hopeless. While everything is in order -according to me-, I couldn't understand why it suddenly finished and so I became so sad. Now I always question myself to find out where I made a mistake and what my inadequacies are, I'm thinking of these all the time. Maybe you don't find me beautiful, maybe I am boring, maybe I couldn't give you so much happiness, I don't know, I don't know at all, I lose confidence in myself a bit.