Translation - English-Arabic - When longing doesn't fit in the chest anymore, it flows through the eyes.

Hello Shinyheart
there is no waiting mentioned there. Plus, it doesn't say that we cry but rather it flows through the eyes.
Could u be more accurate?

no need to be mentioned!sir,i've understood it!that's a step of the translation,i've studied it since 4years!so could you respect my work please!and let the others judge it!

Hello Shinyheart
I aapreciate your effort.
And yes indeed I respect what you did.
But, according to my knowledge, you don't
depend on your understanding of the sentence unless it's difficult to translate it the way
it is. Cases where the sentence has a metaphoric meaning, for example. Or else when translating proverbs. Or else when the sentence involves a cultural difference or environmental differences, and I'll explain the last one:
"You warmed my heart"
English speaking people
live in cold areas, so they use the verb
"warmed" to express delight. But when translating it into Arabic you write:
"لقد أثلجت صدري"
Because Arabs usually live in dry, hot to moderate areas so they express delight by talking about snow.
These were some examples of situations where one needs good understanding of the sentence rather than good reading of it.
I understand many aspects of translation, though I didn't study it for 4 years like you courageously did.
The most Important thing I understand about translation is that it's an art aside to being interpretation.
To me, in your translation you mistranslated a part (because longing= "حنين" not waiting)and concealed the beauty that existed in the other part of the sentence(because we don't simply cry but rather "tears flow from the eyes"
نحن لا نذرف الدمع من شدة الحنين بل تفيض بالحنين دموع
أعيننا
and that's just a suggestion while alternatives are many.)
So, take your time.
BTW. it's Miss not Sir

CC: elmota

oh,thank you miss!yes it's hanin,i've been looking for this word for a while!indeed translation is an art,and sometimes i rely on my intuition to find the real meaning,i love to feel the context,while reading the text...thank you very much indeed,i'm learning much things from you,et "ça m'a rechauffé le coeur"lol

hhmm aaa i dont know, i havent seen the original before modification, but i agree with jaq that we shouldn't be liberal (jaq you sound like me talking to you when u first joined cucumis way to go)
longing can also be الشوق
thats the word that first came to my mind maybe because "longing" sounds so much as a masculine word, while 7aneen is feminine
now for me, the easiest way is to work my way backwards, the very literal "not so nice" translation would be what?
حين لا يتسع الصدر للشوق, يفيض من الأعين
and lets work from there to a more of a "meaning only"
حين تضيق صدورنا شوقاّ, تفيض أعيننا
this way we dont have to mention "tears" which is not in the original text even though it is implicit

actually 7aneen is not feminine i just realized but gosh it sounds so girlish it is a girls name after all

Thanx Elmota.
Well,الشوق can be used as well(I just love the word 7aneen!! anyway it's a matter of personal preference the translator decides)
one little suggestion though:
حين تضيق صدورنا بالشوق\بالحنين تفيض به أعيننا

well,thank you very much for such efforts!but i won't change,that's my translation!because i don't like the litteral translation,and every one of us has their own way to translate it!شوق او حنين both are correct,now it depends on one's understanding,and their style to make it in a coherent translated sentence!

well shinyheart this is a group effort to come up with the most accurate translation, its not our personal preferences that we put up there, thats what we do, we input, then we output...
jaq, maybe then its this:
حين تضيق صدورنا حنينا, تفيض به أعيننا
i think it is legitimate in Arabic to use one of the مفاعيل to indicate different meanings
اشتعل الرأس شيبا
or
اتسع القلب حبا
or
ضاق صدري شوقا
although they are different in meaning, but its an example that it can be used... am i right?

حين تضيق صدورنا حنينا, تفيض به أعيننا
I agree for the first part
حين تضيق صدورنا حنينا
But the second sounds kind of...I don't know...
but what does به refer to? There isn't the correct form of noun that it references.
حين تضيق صدورنا حنينا, تفيض بالحنين أعيننا
Not sure but what do u think anyway?

well!i don't agree!but you may be correct!because i'm not totally sure.