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Traduction - The tame tree (Anglais)

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31 Octobre 2009 21:33  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Thank you, Ania!!! You're great!

One question:
"but I don't smell those flowers anymore

why not "and" instead of "but" (like in my Polish version"?
 

31 Octobre 2009 21:50  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
color --> colour

and I don't see my oppressors

--> I can see my oppressors
 

31 Octobre 2009 21:49  

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
This is not Ania's translation, Aneta.
 

31 Octobre 2009 21:53  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Oh! I am so sorry! I am very tired today. I haven't noticed. Hehe . Thank you Aleksander!
Thank you, Lilly!
 

31 Octobre 2009 23:05  

AleksanderS
Nombre de messages: 17
I thought "but" was more appropriate here, but now I'm not so sure. I think I'll change it.

Apologies for the mistakes (corrected), regards,

Aleksander
 

31 Octobre 2009 23:06  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
That wasn't "a" but "i"

i nie wącham już tamtych kwiatów ...

The context is clear I guess...
 

31 Octobre 2009 23:08  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Moreover:

"your eyes had a different colour" (in a first verse)
 

31 Octobre 2009 23:13  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
"but I, a tame tree" --> it sounds a little weird. Don't you think?

Maybe better would be:
"but me being a tame tree" - I'm not sure of course... We need an English expert here...
 

31 Octobre 2009 23:18  

AleksanderS
Nombre de messages: 17
"but me being a tame tree" - I'm not sure of course... We need an English expert here...

This is one of the things that could only be assessed by a native English expert on poetry. To me it seems OK as it is, but I'm not an expert.
 

31 Octobre 2009 23:27  

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
"But as/being a tame tree,
I didn't know..." would be fine.
 

31 Octobre 2009 23:34  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Thank you, my dear Lilly!

Tell me also, please, wheather Aleksander's version:

but I, the tame tree,
didn't know...


is also correct... It is closer to the original in this case...
 

1 Novembre 2009 00:01  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
One thing more--> the ending:

only have to
stand
up


stand up--> stand upright ?

For the expert: it means "standing with a proud and dignity".
 

1 Novembre 2009 11:30  

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
Aneta, perhaps if we add "stoically" the line gets the sense you mean.

only have to
stand up
stoically


@ Aleksander, you don't have to state what corrections were done to the translation. That is something that through the messages posted under it, the expert who will evaluate the work will notice
Now, I'm setting a poll for it and you won't be able to edit it anymore, OK?
But don't worry. I think it's fine.



 

1 Novembre 2009 18:11  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Oh, I don't think you understood me, Lilly. I didn't write the litteral meaning above, but metaphorical.

Why "stand upright" is not good? It conveys precisely the Polish source.
With other words: "stand with erect back"
 

1 Novembre 2009 22:08  

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
Since you said "standing with a proud and dignity", I thought it involved not only the erect position, but an impassive stance.
But if you say "stand upright" is enough to get the meaning of the original, let it be
 

1 Novembre 2009 22:20  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Yes! The further meaning should be created just in our mind.

I wanted to give only a direction of our thinking... because I guess that it is natural that we will consider this "standing upright" as a human attitude full of proud and dignity...
 

1 Novembre 2009 22:34  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
a ja oswojone drzewo
--> but I, a tame tree
(2nd verse)
a ja młode drzewo
--> and I, the tame tree (5th)

I haven't noticed before, but the lines are the same in English, but not in Polish version!

młode --> young (but I don't know whether this adjective can be connected with a tree...)

Moreover, why first "tree" is followed by "a", and the next is with "the"??



 

1 Novembre 2009 22:39  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Oh! I have got an idea!

Maybe "młode drzewo"-->"unripe tree"?
 

1 Novembre 2009 22:48  

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
Edited! I hope it's fine now.
 

1 Novembre 2009 22:58  

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Thank you Lilly! Yes it is.

I only wanted to ask about an order of the line:
"yours did not need I"

I understand it is a kind of syntactic inversion...or sth similar?
 
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