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Traduction - 160 years after Talbot's discovery (Anglais)

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28 Août 2007 15:45  

Tantine
Nombre de messages: 2747
Hi RainnSaw

Some little problems

The beginning is a little tortuous and there is repetition with since and after. I think it would be better to put "160 years after Talbot's discovery, which started...."

The prefix "photo" is superfluous in "digital photocameras".

I suggest a comma after "has come", I would put "comes" instead of "came" (since the beginning is in the present tense)

The past phrase needs rewriting as ther are one or two extra words that have slipped in

I would put "and all that is connected to it".

I don't speak Russian, so I will poll our russophones

Can you do the edits I've indicated in the meanwhile?

Bises
Tantine
 

28 Août 2007 17:25  

RainnSaw
Nombre de messages: 76
Hi Tantine

Thank you for your remarks!

If my version of translation 'Cпустя 160 лет после открытия Тальбота' - 'After 160 years since Talbot's discovery' is correct from grammatical point of view. I prefer to leave it. Yes, I must say that at first I wanted to translate '160 years after ...' but it seems to me that 'After 160 years since ...' is closer to the original text.

The prefix 'photo' is present in the original text, so I see no reason to remove it from the translation.
'цифровых (фото)камер' - 'digital (photo)cameras'

 

28 Août 2007 18:43  

Francky5591
Nombre de messages: 12396
Tantine, according to your English native ears, would "after 160 years since discovery which started modern photo industry" be ever said by an English native speaker?

Mellisenta and ramarren, could you tell what you think, you Russian speakers?

Rainsaw, if Tantine says some edit is to be done in order to be translated into English, you should edit, because she's the one who will validate the translation. And she won't validate if she thinks an English native speaker wouldn't say or write it this way.

What makes all the quality of this translation site is based on translations done by native speakers. So that a native speaker rules in her/his own mother-tongue, especially when s/he is an expert here at cucumis.

CC: Melissenta ramarren
 

28 Août 2007 20:35  

Tantine
Nombre de messages: 2747
Hi Francky, RainnSaw,

The first phrase would seem to me to be gramatically incorrect in the English version, so I prefer that the edit that I suggested be done. A native English speaker would not use such an overburdened phrase either in speech or in written English.

As to the prefix "photo", it is not used between "digital" and "camera" to designate this modern photographical apparatus in English.

I would add to Francky's pertinent remarks about translation on cucumis, that literal, word to word translations are to be avoided.

It is not always necessary to translate all the words in the source text, all the more so if it creates neologisms, confusion or ambiguity in the target language.

Bises
Tantine

 

29 Août 2007 06:09  

ramarren
Nombre de messages: 291
Russian is perfect
 

29 Août 2007 06:10  

Melissenta
Nombre de messages: 87
I agree with Tantine concerning "160 years after Talbot's discovery, which started....". It renders the Russian version - 'Cпустя 160 лет после открытия Тальбота'.
Also I agree that "digital camera" is more suitable in this case.
 

29 Août 2007 14:51  

kedrov
Nombre de messages: 1
"comes a new understanding of photography" supposed to be "... a new meaning of photography ..."
"... <all> that is conn..." -> "... <everything> ..." it seems me more natural for native speakers
 

29 Août 2007 16:30  

RainnSaw
Nombre de messages: 76
Kedrov, Yes, first version was 'everything that is ...' but English expert Tantine suggested to change it for 'all that is ...'. And telling the truth both words are equally good. The same thing I can say about 'understanding' and 'meaning' both words match this sentence, and I used 'understanding'.


 

29 Août 2007 20:57  

Tantine
Nombre de messages: 2747
Hi All,

I have edited the text, taking into account your different suggestions. Thanks to everyone for their help.

RainnSaw, I love your avatar!! Hendrix Rules OK!

When I read a text, I never want to feel that I am reading a text that has been translated. I need to feel that that the text I'm reading was written directly in the printed language.

I'll probably nitpick because of this. No-one should take it personally, nor should they take it as a judgement of the precious work they have provided.

It just means that I'm a terrible perfectionnist, and I hope you will all treat my own translations with the same concern for accuracy and readability.

Bises
Tantine
 

1 Septembre 2007 16:33  

RainnSaw
Nombre de messages: 76
Thanks to Tantine and everyone who helped to edit the translation. I want you to know that I never take constructive comments of my translations personally. Your suggestions is useful lessons and they help me to make my future work better.

All the best!

RainnSaw
 

1 Septembre 2007 21:09  

Tantine
Nombre de messages: 2747
Hehe

I'm glad I'm helpful then, its good learning new manguages, nava corrects everything I write in Italian for me. (I can read Italian really well, but I can't write it to save my life). Bit by bit my Italian rating will rise.

It is there as a challenge for me

Bises
Tantine
 

2 Septembre 2007 19:38  

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
This is a beautiful text now, but what about the word "actually"? What is it supposed to mean? Did someone doubt that it would come?

CC: RainnSaw
 

2 Septembre 2007 20:04  

Tantine
Nombre de messages: 2747
I think it should be "is currently upon us" is the meaning of "actually"

Bises
Tantine
 

2 Septembre 2007 20:33  

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
I think we need a Russian speaker to answer this question.
 

2 Septembre 2007 22:06  

RainnSaw
Nombre de messages: 76
Here it is -
'Эра цифровых фотокамер (The age of digital cameras)
уже фактически (has actually[practically]) наступила (come)'
The author realizes that in fact the age of digital cameras is here. But he(she) don't state it for sure 'эра цифровых фотокамер уже наспупила (the age of digital cameras had already come)' so the author puts the word 'фактически(actually)' to dilute the phrase.
 

3 Septembre 2007 04:36  

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
I changed it to "has in fact arrived". I hope that's OK with everybody.
 

3 Septembre 2007 07:10  

RainnSaw
Nombre de messages: 76
OK, why not.
 

3 Septembre 2007 15:00  

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
Tantine, do you want to start the voting again, now that the text has gone through several edits, and then validate the translation?

I can't do that, because the score you give him should be based on how close the original translation was to native speaker English, and I can't judge that since I never saw the original translation.

 

3 Septembre 2007 17:03  

Tantine
Nombre de messages: 2747
Ok Kafetzou

I'll reset the vote and then validate.

Bises
Tantine
 

4 Septembre 2007 07:06  

Melissenta
Nombre de messages: 87
Is such word order possible in this sentence: ...with this age comes a new understanding...? The subjec goes after predicate in this sentence. I know about the inversion in some cases but is it appropriate here?
 
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