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Translation - Polish-English - Pod twoim spojrzeniem

Current statusTranslation
This text is available in the following languages: PolishEnglish

Category Poetry - Love / Friendship

Title
Pod twoim spojrzeniem
Text
Submitted by Aneta B.
Source language: Polish

To jak spojrzałeś na mnie
To jak wciąż patrzysz
Oczarowało mnie ...
Gdy zobaczyłam Twe dłonie
Zapragnęłam by kiedyś mnie dotykały ...
Ciepłem głosu zadbałeś o moje bezpieczeństwo
Mogłam więc być sobą
I mogłam być piękna ...
Remarks about the translation
British English, please...

Title
Under your gaze
Translation
English

Translated by iluvmilka
Target language: English

The way you looked at me,
The way you still do,
Has enchanted me

When I beheld your hands
I desired their touch
Your warm voice gave me a shelter
Then...I could be myself
And I could be beautiful

Validated by lilian canale - 13 September 2009 20:45





Last messages

Author
Message

12 September 2009 19:25

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
"I could be beautiful" is much better.

12 September 2009 19:26

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
By the way, we don't say "feel to be" - we would either just say "feel beautiful" or "feel that I am/was beautiful".

12 September 2009 19:28

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Thank you, Laura! I appreciate your help...
I like your proposition with the idiom very much... Let's wait for Lilian...


12 September 2009 19:27

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
If "shelter from the storm" is too long, you could say this: "Your warm voice gave me shelter" - without the article it gives the meaning you want.

12 September 2009 19:28

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
You're welcome, Aneta - it's a beautiful poem!


12 September 2009 19:32

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Thank you, dear Laura! I've got more of them. Three Ania's translations of them already evaluated... I will regularly submit all of them... Could you help in improving the translations from time to time (as a native), please?

12 September 2009 19:34

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
I'm sending you a pm.

12 September 2009 22:13

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
What do you think, Lilly, after the discussion with Laura? What shall we do now?

12 September 2009 23:56

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
I think if Laura is available, she is certainly a better choice to evaluate your poems as a native speaker. I'd like her to take care of them.

Laura, what do you say? Do you have some free time to help us with that?
Aneta and her poetry deserve getting the best possible translations

13 September 2009 00:08

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Lilly, I don't agree, sorry The more people working on them, the better I believe... I wanted she jointed to our team (4 people now) and helped us too. But I still need your help, dear one. In Polish we say: "Co dwie głowy, to nie jedna" (literally: The one head isn't so good as two heads" )

Please, don't give up. I asked your opinion in the post above, because it is very important for me. Kafetzou is a native but American one. I requested about British English translations...Can you remember?

13 September 2009 00:31

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
I can help with Aneta's poems, but the other ones haven't been translated yet, right?

13 September 2009 00:45

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Thank you, Laura. I really appreciate it! No they haven't... I'm still waiting for the next translation...

13 September 2009 02:07

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Oh, no I won't give up, Aneta. Don't worry.
I'm asking Kafetzou to help us because she always has great ideas.
And you know...we also have that saying: "Two heads are better than one" or better yet, "Many hands make light work"

13 September 2009 02:12

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
... and Lilian's trying to get me more involved in Cucumis again ...


13 September 2009 02:20

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
You got it! You know how much we miss and need you here

13 September 2009 07:33

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Yes, Laura! WE NEED AND MISS YOU HERE!
Thank, you, Lilly!!! You're great!

13 September 2009 19:21

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
But what about this one?

Can we change in this way:
[your warm voice] "plied me a shelter" --> "gave me shelter"?

And for sure instead of
[I could be]gorgeous --> beautiful

13 September 2009 19:25

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
The word "plied" definitely does not have the meaning you think it does, Lilian. To "ply" something means to sell it or hawk it. So yes - gave would be better! I wonder where this meaning of "ply" came from - if it's a dictionary, it needs editing!

13 September 2009 20:45

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
I may have made the wrong choice, but "ply" is a synonym of: provide, supply, shower, lavish, regale.
According to Oxford: "give what is desired or needed, especially support, food or sustenance"

13 September 2009 20:49

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Well, maybe we are faced here with the meaning differences between American and British English... Am I right?
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