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Translation - Polish-English - Bez zapowiedzi

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This text is available in the following languages: PolishEnglish

Category Poetry - Love / Friendship

Title
Bez zapowiedzi
Text
Submitted by Aneta B.
Source language: Polish

A miłość ze szczęściem się skrada
I miejsca bada
Gdzie by tu się rozgościć ...

Nie przyjdzie na skinienie palca
Raczej przyjdzie tak by serca zaskoczyć ...

I nie będą mogli uwierzyć że tak nagle teraz
Bez zapowiedzi i starań przychodzi -
odpowiedź na ich życia modlitwę ..
Remarks about the translation
British English, please :)

Title
Without any announcements
Translation
English

Translated by iluvmilka
Target language: English

Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness

They do not come
at our beck and call
but they do come
to surprise our hearts

And we can hardly believe
that all of a sudden
unannounced and without effort
the answer to our life prayers
has arrived.
Validated by lilian canale - 14 September 2009 00:37





Last messages

Author
Message

13 September 2009 18:34

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Hi ladies,

Aneta, "coziness" is British, American would be "cosiness"

all of a sudden = suddenly/quickly and without warning

I liked your suggestions Kafetzou

See, Aneta? I told you Laura always has good ideas to offer

13 September 2009 18:56

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Laura, I really like: "They will not come at our beck and call". (similar to my version )

Ania's last sentence "They come – the answer to your life’s prayers" sounds also very nice...

Lilly, my dictionary says: BR "cosy" or US "cozy"... (isn't COZINESS from US "COZY"?) Strange... But ok. I believe you...

Thank you all!!!
____________$$$$$
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_______$$___$$;$$;$$$;$$$
______$$____$$;$$$;$$$;$$$
______$$____$$;$$$;$$$$;$$$
_$____$$_____$$;$$$;$$$$$;_$
_$$___$$______$$;$$$;$$$$$
_$;$__$$______$$$_$$$_$$$$
_$;$__$$_______$$___$$___$
_$$;$_$$
_$$;$$$
_$$$$$ FLOWER FOR YOU THREE!!!
__$$$$
___$$
___$$
___$
___$


13 September 2009 18:59

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
No, your dictionary is right, I made a mistake, the English word is the one written with "s"

Do you want me to edit the translation?

13 September 2009 19:04

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Oh, I'm glad, because I was just going to throw my dictionary away...

Yes, of course, I do! According to your version and the posts above...

13 September 2009 20:29

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Done!

13 September 2009 20:45

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Translator-Girls! What do you think about this version?

"The title: unannounced

Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness

They will not come
at our beck and call
They'd rather come
to surprise our hearts

And they will hardly believe [The subject is different! Suddenly "the surprised people" become the subject]
that all of a sudden
unannounced and effortless
the answer to their prayers
is coming..."

Well, Laura, I've changed the last line because it didn't convey Polish original.
not:"They come" --> because it will suggest that love and happiness are coming, meanwhile the answer/response is coming...
(of course the response = the love and happiness, but grammatically the subject is "the answer" here)

13 September 2009 20:41

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Ooops! Sorry Lilly!

13 September 2009 20:53

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
I think that in that case you should change all the subjects into "people"
our beck and call ---> people's beck and call
our hearts ---> their hearts
they will hardly believe ---> people will hardly believe

I don't think that would sound well

Honestly, I prefer the first version.

13 September 2009 21:00

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Yes, Lilly, you probably are right. In Polish original the first part doesn't reveal the grammatical person...

Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness

They will not come
at anyone's beck and call
They'd rather come
to surprise hearts

But, in the second part THE SUBJECT suddenly appears --> THEY... (SURPRISED PEOPLE = WE)

13 September 2009 21:15

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Hmmm. How about this?

"Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness

will not come
at their beck and call
rather will come
to surprise their hearts

And they will hardly believe
that all of a sudden
unannounced and effortless
the answer to their life prayers
is coming..." / will be coming???

13 September 2009 21:11

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
I have another idea.
Wouldn't be better to change future tense into praesens simple (as general speaking)?

13 September 2009 22:02

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
I don't understand what you mean, sorry
Why do you want to change your poem?
I'm a bit confused now.
What did you mean originally? Was it in present or future?

Laura, please...

13 September 2009 22:22

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Tenses in Polish original are exactly the same as I used in the last version...

First verse: Praesent Simple or even Continuous

Second verse: Future Simple or Praesent Continuous for Future

Third verse: Future Simple

But my idea was about changing the last two verses for example in this way :

don't come
at their beck and call
rather come
to surprise their hearts

And they can hardly believe
that all of a sudden
unannounced and effortless
the answer to their life prayers
is coming..."

What do you think, Lilly and Laura?

13 September 2009 23:25

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
I'm confused - who are "they"?

13 September 2009 23:31

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Hm, it is a kind of the poetic "outdistancing"... As an author and lyrical subject - I can see myself and the man from a some distance and write about "us" per "they"...

13 September 2009 23:36

kafetzou
Number of messages: 7963
Hmm - that doesn't work so well in English. It's better with "our" - it still can be impersonal. As for the present tense, I think that works fine - maybe even better than the future:

Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness

They do not come
at our beck and call
but they do come
to surprise our hearts

And we hardly believe
that all of a sudden
unannounced and without effort
the answer to our life prayers
has arrived.

13 September 2009 23:40

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
YEEESSS!
This version really conveys what I meant in the poem...
Thank youuuuuu!!!!

14 September 2009 00:10

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
The third verse:
I nie będą mogli uwierzyć
--> literally "They won't be able to believe", so I would propose only one tiny change:

And we can hardly believe ...

Lilly, what do you think? Can we accept the last Laura's version?

14 September 2009 00:17

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Done! I hope you are satisfied with that final version. If so, I may validate it straightaway.

14 September 2009 00:23

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Yes, I am, dear Lilly. You can accept. I'm sorry for my moaning...
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