| | |
| | 13 September 2009 18:34 |
| | Hi ladies,
Aneta, "coziness" is British, American would be "co siness"
all of a sudden = suddenly/quickly and without warning
I liked your suggestions Kafetzou
See, Aneta? I told you Laura always has good ideas to offer |
| | 13 September 2009 18:56 |
| | Laura, I really like: "They will not come at our beck and call". (similar to my version )
Ania's last sentence "They come – the answer to your life’s prayers" sounds also very nice...
Lilly, my dictionary says: BR "cosy" or US "cozy"... (isn't COZINESS from US "COZY"?) Strange... But ok. I believe you...
Thank you all!!!
____________$$$$$
__________$$__$$$$$$$
________$$___$$;$$$;$$$
_______$$___$$;$$;$$$;$$$
______$$____$$;$$$;$$$;$$$
______$$____$$;$$$;$$$$;$$$
_$____$$_____$$;$$$;$$$$$;_$
_$$___$$______$$;$$$;$$$$$
_$;$__$$______$$$_$$$_$$$$
_$;$__$$_______$$___$$___$
_$$;$_$$
_$$;$$$
_$$$$$ FLOWER FOR YOU THREE!!!
__$$$$
___$$
___$$
___$
___$
|
| | 13 September 2009 18:59 |
| | No, your dictionary is right, I made a mistake, the English word is the one written with "s"
Do you want me to edit the translation? |
| | 13 September 2009 19:04 |
| | Oh, I'm glad, because I was just going to throw my dictionary away...
Yes, of course, I do! According to your version and the posts above... |
| | 13 September 2009 20:29 |
| | Done! |
| | 13 September 2009 20:45 |
| | Translator-Girls! What do you think about this version?
"The title: unannounced
Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness
They will not come
at our beck and call
They'd rather come
to surprise our hearts
And they will hardly believe [The subject is different! Suddenly "the surprised people" become the subject]
that all of a sudden
unannounced and effortless
the answer to their prayers
is coming..."
Well, Laura, I've changed the last line because it didn't convey Polish original.
not:"They come" --> because it will suggest that love and happiness are coming, meanwhile the answer/response is coming...
(of course the response = the love and happiness, but grammatically the subject is "the answer" here)
|
| | 13 September 2009 20:41 |
| | Ooops! Sorry Lilly! |
| | 13 September 2009 20:53 |
| | I think that in that case you should change all the subjects into "people"
our beck and call ---> people's beck and call
our hearts ---> their hearts
they will hardly believe ---> people will hardly believe
I don't think that would sound well
Honestly, I prefer the first version. |
| | 13 September 2009 21:00 |
| | Yes, Lilly, you probably are right. In Polish original the first part doesn't reveal the grammatical person...
Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness
They will not come
at anyone's beck and call
They'd rather come
to surprise hearts
But, in the second part THE SUBJECT suddenly appears --> THEY... (SURPRISED PEOPLE = WE)
|
| | 13 September 2009 21:15 |
| | Hmmm. How about this?
"Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness
will not come
at their beck and call
rather will come
to surprise their hearts
And they will hardly believe
that all of a sudden
unannounced and effortless
the answer to their life prayers
is coming..." / will be coming???
|
| | 13 September 2009 21:11 |
| | I have another idea.
Wouldn't be better to change future tense into praesens simple (as general speaking)? |
| | 13 September 2009 22:02 |
| | I don't understand what you mean, sorry
Why do you want to change your poem?
I'm a bit confused now.
What did you mean originally? Was it in present or future?
Laura, please... |
| | 13 September 2009 22:22 |
| | Tenses in Polish original are exactly the same as I used in the last version...
First verse: Praesent Simple or even Continuous
Second verse: Future Simple or Praesent Continuous for Future
Third verse: Future Simple
But my idea was about changing the last two verses for example in this way :
don't come
at their beck and call
rather come
to surprise their hearts
And they can hardly believe
that all of a sudden
unannounced and effortless
the answer to their life prayers
is coming..."
What do you think, Lilly and Laura?
|
| | 13 September 2009 23:25 |
| | I'm confused - who are "they"? |
| | 13 September 2009 23:31 |
| | Hm, it is a kind of the poetic "outdistancing"... As an author and lyrical subject - I can see myself and the man from a some distance and write about "us" per "they"... |
| | 13 September 2009 23:36 |
| | Hmm - that doesn't work so well in English. It's better with "our" - it still can be impersonal. As for the present tense, I think that works fine - maybe even better than the future:
Love and happiness
creep into places
in search of cosiness
They do not come
at our beck and call
but they do come
to surprise our hearts
And we hardly believe
that all of a sudden
unannounced and without effort
the answer to our life prayers
has arrived. |
| | 13 September 2009 23:40 |
| | |
| | 14 September 2009 00:10 |
| | The third verse:
I nie będą mogli uwierzyć
--> literally "They won't be able to believe", so I would propose only one tiny change:
And we can hardly believe ...
Lilly, what do you think? Can we accept the last Laura's version? |
| | 14 September 2009 00:17 |
| | Done! I hope you are satisfied with that final version. If so, I may validate it straightaway. |
| | 14 September 2009 00:23 |
| | Yes, I am, dear Lilly. You can accept. I'm sorry for my moaning... |