Pesach is the first Holy Day commanded by the Torah to Israel, marking the exodus of the Children of Israel from Egypt, from slavery to freedom, and their becoming a nation. This holiday is one of the three Pilgrimage Festivals appearing in the Torah, and the first of them. It is celebrated for seven days, commencing on Nisan 15.
Pesach is the Hebrew name of Passover, and I think it is better understood when both are given.
There is no word missing - the Torah commanded three pilgrimage holidays, and this is the first of them. We can rephrase to: "which was commanded to Israel by the Torah" if it sounds clearer.
'People' here should be capitalized in my opinion, because it is in the sense of Nation (the People of Israel). Using 'people' uncapitalized loses the context of nationality, and thus the entire meaning of the Festival.
I know that Pesach is the Hebrew word for Passover but the rules on cucumis demand that an alternative be put in the "remarks about the translation" field and not in the the translation field itself.
Without the "on" you will have to turn your phrase round, otherwise it does not convey anything in English, it looks clumsy and translated.
Here it is not a question of opinion, but a question of loyal translation. In English the word "people" takes a capital letter only in the case of legal jargon, where it represents the prosecuting body (as in "The People vs Jack the Ripper).
Translation cannot be word to word, only world to world, so when you translate into a language, you have to apply the rules of that language and not of the source language.
Sorry I didn't get staight back to this evaluation, but I have serious connection problems. I only have a 56k dial up and when we have bad weather my connection is very jumpy.
The phrase "children of Israel" is acceptable when speaking of Biblical times, and is interchangeable with "Israelites", but not with "people of Israel", a term which refers to a more modern period.