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11Translation - Portuguese brazilian-English - Teu grito despertou os deuses

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กลุ่ม Poetry

Title
Teu grito despertou os deuses
Text
Submitted by casper tavernello
Source language: Portuguese brazilian

Teu grito despertou os deuses
Então a manhã entorpeceu
E o puro se tornou voraz
E o corvo se fez terno
E a Mãe Terra nos deu Seu presente mais sincero

Mares de luzes sobre as árvores
Viagem em navio sobre os mares

Teu grito espreitou no leste
E caiu a noite no oeste*
E a horda dispersou
E os ermitões voltaram
E nunca mais se ouviu um pranto de desespero

Montes verdes no horizonte
Passeio suave sobre os montes

Agora em tua cruzada mais longa
Não mandas mais notícias
Mas venceste os demônios da terra e os anjos do céu
Fôra dormir à luz do dia, para acordar
entre o vinho e o mel

Teu grito calou-se no tempo
Então não se sentiu mais frio
E o calor nos abandonou
E os mares também calaram
Mas ainda se erguem as frontes dos mensageiros

Estradas longas e virgens
Vertigens ao longo da estrada


Agora em tua cruzada mais longa
Não mandas mais notícias
Pois venceste os demônios da terra e os anjos do céu
E fôra dormir à luz dia, para acordar
entre o vinho e o mel
Remarks about the translation
Um poema a um amigo que morreu.
*a noite caiu no oeste

Title
Your scream woke the gods up
Translation
English

Translated by casper tavernello
Target language: English

Your scream woke the gods up
Then, the morning dazed
And the pure became edacious
And the raven was made gentle
And mother earth gave us her most sincere present

Seas of light upon the trees
Ship trip upon the seas

Your scream surrounded on the east
And the night fell on the west
And the horde dissipated
And the hermit moved back
And there was never heard a cry of sorrow again

Green mountains on the horizon
Gentle rambling across the mountains

Now, you, on your longer journey
Don’t send news anymore
But you defeated the demons of the earth and the angels of the skies
Went to sleep in the day light, to wake up amid the wine and the honey

Your scream silenced on the Time
Then,the cold was never felt again
And the heat left us
And the seas also became silent
But the brows of the messengers are still up

Long and virgin roads
Vertigo around the road

Now, you, on your longer journey
Don’t send news anymore
For you have defeated the demons of the earth and the angels of the skies
Went to sleep in the day light, to wake up amid the wine and the honey
Remarks about the translation
A quick translation for helping the japanese one.
I put it 'meaning only' because I don't want a fast rejection (in the case of this one is very wrong).
This is a very important text for me. It is a poem I made when a very close frie
Validated by casper tavernello - 11 June 2010 00:24





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2 August 2007 02:51

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
Just for you, casper (it's a good thing I saw your note):

Some problems/corrections:

1) Is it really a scream? That's quite a negative word. Maybe a cry would be better.

2) What is "edacious"? I've never heard this word.

3) Why is "Her" capitalized?

4) Ship trip = naval voyage?

5) falled the night = the night fell

6) the horde dissipated = the crowd dispersed?

7) was never heard = there was never heard

mounts = mountains

9) horizon = the horizon

10) went sleep = went to sleep

11) on the day light = in the daylight

12) for waking up = to wake up

13) among = amid

14) on the Time = ???

15) coldness = the cold

16) and gone sleep on day light = and went to sleep in the daylight

17 ) among = amid

CC: casper tavernello

2 August 2007 03:22

casper tavernello
จำนวนข้อความ: 5057
Yes, it is a 'scream'.
Mother Earth as a godess, then a 'H'.(hard to explain right now)
Edacious
He went to sleep during the daylight (the Sphinx myth, middle of a life)
I'll check the others carefully, because it's a poem.
And I'll not take as a simple magazine text.

Thanks a lot for your help, Kafetzou.

Do you mean that if I ha not made remarks on the text it was going to be rejected?

2 August 2007 03:20

casper tavernello
จำนวนข้อความ: 5057
Why not 'ship trip'?

mounts, hahaha Maybe, I was trying to abbreviate.

And I wasn't already drunk. I was going to the bar. It was on saturday night.

2 August 2007 04:46

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
gods and goddesses are not capitalized in English - only God is capitalized.

Edacious - wow - I never heard that word before. Voracious is a very normal word, though.

Yes, I meant that it would have been rejected if I hadn't seen your note - 17 edits is a lot - this took me about 15 minutes!

2 August 2007 20:06

casper tavernello
จำนวนข้อความ: 5057
What now?

3 August 2007 05:26

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
Make the edits and I'll accept the translation.

3 August 2007 12:20

casper tavernello
จำนวนข้อความ: 5057
Sure.

22 December 2007 01:07

casper tavernello
จำนวนข้อความ: 5057
Most of the corrections was made because of the 'figurative language' and the 'stylistic text', which in poetry should not be considered 'wrong'.

In 1959 in his influential paper "On Linguistic Aspects of Translation", the Russian-born linguist and semiotician Roman Jakobson even went as far as to declare that "poetry by definition -was- untranslatable".