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Dịch - German-English - Travel to Hawaii

Current statusDịch
This text is available in the following languages: GermanEnglish

Nhóm chuyên mục Literature - Exploration / Adventure

Title
Travel to Hawaii
Text
Submitted by Minny
Source language: German

Ich lachte, zog das durchnässte Kleid aus und warf es in den Sand zusammen mit meiner Unterwäsche. Nackt warf ich mich den Wellen entgegen, spürte den gewaltigen Sog, ihr Ziehen an meinem Körper und das Wirbeln und Prickeln, das perlende Schäumen, wenn mich die Brandung überspülte. Schaumgeboren, dachte ich. Auf dem kohlschwarzen Sand ergoss sich die Gischt milchig weiß, wie Sahne. Immer wieder ließ ich mich in dieses Weiß fallen, tauchte unter, wurde genommen und wieder an Land gespült. Das Meer war warm, fast wärmer als die Luft und der Wind, der mich umfing und abermals ins Wasser warf. Und mehr und mehr fühlte ich in diesem wilden Spiel mit Wasser, Wind und wirbelndem Sand, eine Vitalität, ein mich Wollen und eine Lust, mich einfach hingeben zu wollen, mich treiben zu lassen. Ich hatte keine Angst mehr vor den Wellen.
Ich legte mich in den schwarzen Sand und ließ mich von der Luft trocknen. Das Salz klebte in einer zarten Schicht auf meiner Haut.
Remarks about the translation
British or US English, please

Title
Travel to Hawaii
Dịch
English

Translated by kafetzou
Target language: English

I laughed, took off the soaking wet dress and threw it in the sand with my underwear. Naked, I threw myself against the waves, felt the powerful tug, the way they pulled on my body, the whirling and prickling, the pearly foaming, as the waves broke over me. Born of the foam, I thought. On the sand, black as coal, the spray spread out milky white, like cream. I let myself fall into this whiteness again and again, dove under, was taken along and spilled out on land again. The sea was warm, almost warmer than the air and the wind, which caught me up and threw me into the water again. And more and more I felt, in this wild game with water, wind and whirling sand, a vitality, a longing for me, and a desire to simply give myself over, to let myself be driven. I was no longer afraid of the waves.
I lay down in the black sand and let myself be dried out by the air. The salt stuck in a tender layer on my skin.
Remarks about the translation
U.S. English. Change "dove" to "dived" for British.
Translator's note: Gischt = Schaum, oder ist es was anderes?
Validated by lilian canale - 7 Tháng 2 2015 16:15





Bài gửi sau cùng

Tác giả
Bài gửi

23 Tháng 1 2015 22:41

merdogan
Tổng số bài gửi: 3769
Dear kafetzou,
Good work
I laughed took off ....I laughed, took off ...
I lay down...> I laid down...

24 Tháng 1 2015 10:14

kafetzou
Tổng số bài gửi: 7963
"I laughed, took off" is correct - thank you. I would change it, but appparently it's locked for evaluation.

As for "lay down" it is the past tense of "lie down", so it is correct. "Laid down" is the past tense of the transitive verb "to lay".

2 Tháng 2 2015 18:35

Pashikane
Tổng số bài gửi: 34
"the way it " should be "the way they".
"and spilled out on land. " should be "and spilled out on land again. "
"almost warmer as " should be "almost warmer than"
"wanting me" should be "a wanting me", even though it sounds strange in English.
Besides that, good work.

3 Tháng 2 2015 07:46

Bhatarsaigh
Tổng số bài gửi: 253
warmer THAN the air ...

3 Tháng 2 2015 08:19

kafetzou
Tổng số bài gửi: 7963
I'm sure I didn't write "warmer as" - Lilian, did you change what I wrote? If so, why?

CC: lilian canale

3 Tháng 2 2015 08:30

kafetzou
Tổng số bài gửi: 7963
Pashikane's corrections are correct, except for "a wanting me" - that's not possible in English. Maybe "a wanting of me", but that's still very weird in English.

3 Tháng 2 2015 12:07

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
Hi Kafetzou,
I'm afraid you did. I didn't change what you wrote. The only thing I edited was the comma suggested by Merdogan to which you agreed.
I cancelled the poll so you'll be able to edit whatever you need, ok?

3 Tháng 2 2015 12:53

Minny
Tổng số bài gửi: 271
Man könnte "ein mich Wollen" (wanting me)mit folgendes ersetzen, finde ich: "ein Begehren nach mir" (a desire for me) oder "Sehnsucht nach mir" (a longing for me).

3 Tháng 2 2015 17:14

kafetzou
Tổng số bài gửi: 7963
Sorry, Lilian. I've made the changes Pashikane suggested, and added the change suggested by Minny. Even though it's a bit of a difference, since I assume Minny is the original author, I think that should be OK.

CC: lilian canale

7 Tháng 2 2015 19:29

Minny
Tổng số bài gửi: 271
Thank you very much endeed, dear Katezou and Lilian for this beautiful translation! :-)
Minny

7 Tháng 2 2015 19:45

kafetzou
Tổng số bài gửi: 7963
You're very welcome, Minny.