Переклад - Португальська (Бразилія)-Англійська - Soneto (3)

Lilian,

Here is just a matter of style (last verse, as usual ). What about "you are no more than a defenseless grain of sand"?

Great work! (why can't stop saying this?)

Well, it's a good thing you have corrected only few things!

I wouldn't like to change a single word of the meaning you conferred to the sonnets. As I told you, I found them great!!!

Hehe! How many people know that the verb olvidar also exists in Portuguese?

And I didn't said anything on the word "vate"...

And what would you say on "vate" ?

Hi Lilian, How about this:
---
In the face of love, o poet, you are so small,
that from its magnificence, it can't hear you,
turning vainly the little, beautiful ode
you made with your soul of a little boy.

For it is not yours, the feeling you laud,
the same love that so yours could seem!
It is like the hope the mirage generates,
to see your prayers forgotten after all.

You will not have, poet, in the course of your fate
the great love your sense yearns so much for:
such is the truth wise destiny teaches.

So, turn and look at what surrounds you:
love is the huge wave of feline fury
and you are no more than a defenseless grain of sand...
---
I have changed it a lot; please tell me what no longer matches the original meanings...

OK. Master, let's see..
Your version is:

In the face of love, o poet, you are so small,
that from its magnificence, it can't hear you,
turning vainly the little, beautiful ode
you made with your soul of a little boy.

For it is not yours, the feeling you laud,
the same love that so yours could seem!
It is like the hope the mirage generates,
to see your prayers forgotten after all.

You will not have, poet, in the course of your fate
the great love your sense yearns so much for:
such is the truth wise destiny teaches.

So, turn and look at what surrounds you:
love is the huge wave of feline fury
and you are no more than a defenseless grain of sand...

Confronting it with the original, I would say:

1- in the face of love
2- small ( the sense is "insignificant"
3- vainly (vain is an adjective, here, not an adverb)
4- For it is not yours
5- prayers ( my fault!)
6- course
7- great (however it means in the original something like: grandiose, magnificent)
8- such is (because of the truth...)
9- turn and look (now I think my "look around" was also inappropriate, this line should read : Look, therefore, at what surrounds you

I'll edit right away all those
Perhaps, we can discuss the others a bit longer...

I knew I needed your insight on this!!!

Thanks, Master Ian, how difficult this text is?

2 - "insignificant" would be good here!
3 - I understand now! I guess we should say:
making useless the little, beautiful ode
we can't say "little and beautiful"; it would have to be "beautiful little" (natural order) or "little, beautiful" (unnatural order, but with a comma it's okay)
8 - I think we have to change these lines to:
the great love your sense yearns so much for
(grammatically, we can't leave out the "for" at the end; people yearn for things)
as this is the truth wise destiny teaches.
We can't put a "the" in front of "wise destiny" in English. In French (another Latin language), it would be used.
9 - I love it now!