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Traduction - Polonais-Anglais - Adoruję cuda Twe Stwórco Przy Tobie serca...

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Titre
Adoruję cuda Twe Stwórco Przy Tobie serca...
Texte
Proposé par Aneta B.
Langue de départ: Polonais

AdorujÄ™ cuda Twe
Stwórco

Przy Tobie serca wiernych
z Radości doskonałej śpiewają
franciszkańskie hymny
a zatwardziałych topnieją
wnet jak wosk dają się lepić

a mądrość mędrców oddaje Ci pokłon
i już się nie pyszni
bo nagle dziwi siÄ™ i zachwyca

i wszystko CO CHCESZ potrafisz
Niezmierzony!
Ręce Twoje WSZYSTKO
w DOBRO przemieniają…
Commentaires pour la traduction
British English (archaic)

Titre
I adore Thy miracles, o Creator ...
Traduction
Anglais

Traduit par iluvmilka
Langue d'arrivée: Anglais

I adore Thy miracles,
O Creator

In Thy presence all the hearts of the faithful
sing, delirious in joy,
Franciscan hymns
And all the hardened hearts melt -
they can be moulded like wax

And the wise sages pay homage
And refrain from boasting
as they suddenly wonder and marvel

And everything Thou desirest, Thou canst have
Almighty God!
Thy hands turn EVERYTHING
into a BLESSING…
Dernière édition ou validation par kafetzou - 30 Septembre 2009 15:51





Derniers messages

Auteur
Message

24 Septembre 2009 17:48

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Thank you, Ania!!!
Very smart and faithful translation. I have only few suggestions:

"I adore Thy miracles,
Creator

In Thy presence all the hearts of the faithful
are singing, delirious in joy (??? why not: "in a perfect joy" like in an original?),
Franciscan hymns
And all the hardened hearts are melting,
they can be moulded like wax

And the wisdom of the sages pays homage
And stops boasting
as it suddenly wonders and marvels

And everything THOU WANT, Thou can
Immense God!
Thy hands turn EVERYTHING
into BLESSING…"

27 Septembre 2009 23:32

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
This looks really good.

Some suggestions:
1) If you're going to use "thy" and "thou", you need to use the old forms of the verbs too: thou wantest (or desirest), thou canst have/do ...
2) As you can see in my first suggestion, the modal verb "can" needs to be followed by a verb, either "have" or "do".
3) "in perfect joy" would be OK (no article)
4) How about "Almighty God" instead of "Immense God"?
5) I think the verb tenses in the first part would be better in simple present: sing, melt
6) Is it the wisdom that wonders and marvels, or is it the sages? Suggestion:

And the wise sages pay homage
And stop boasting
As they suddenly wonder and marvel

7) You're right about "Franciscan".

28 Septembre 2009 15:44

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Oh, thank you, Laura!!!!
I agree with all your suggestions...
Thank you for the old forms of the verbs! I only met them sometimes reading English literature from XIX century. But I never used the forms by myself, so wouldn't know how to put them into the poems. That is why I'm so glad you have suggested the right forms...

28 Septembre 2009 16:06

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Oh, only "Almighty" (God) isn't the most appropriate adjective in my opinion... In the original I say about God who you can't measure, because He has no the beginning and the end, and He can be everywhere in the same time, nothing limits Him...
"Unlimited" God?

And is it needed to add "wise" to "sages"? Sages=wise men...?


28 Septembre 2009 17:07

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
It's just that we don't say unlimited or immense for God. We just say almighty.

28 Septembre 2009 17:14

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Really? As you say it, I should accept "Almighty" then... Thank you once again!

But could you change the whole poem into old English, please?

29 Septembre 2009 04:24

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
I adore Thy miracles,
O Creator

In Thy presence all the hearts of the faithful
sing, delirious in joy,
Franciscan hymns
And all the hardened hearts melt -
they can be moulded like wax

And the wise sages pay homage
And refrain from boasting
as they suddenly wonder and marvel

And everything Thou desirest, Thou canst have
Almighty God!
Thy hands turn EVERYTHING
into a BLESSING…

29 Septembre 2009 08:58

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Thank you!
I think we can accept it now!

30 Septembre 2009 08:33

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Laura, you didn't insert all the changes we had been talking about and you accepted. Why?

30 Septembre 2009 15:49

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
Because it was for you, and you had the changes you wanted. But I'll do that.

30 Septembre 2009 15:55

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Thank you, Laura, so much!