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| 8 مارس 2013 16:18 |
| Hi everyone,
Sorry I'm late to join this discussion (it seems I don't receive notifications from cucumis for some reason now)
Here's my opinion on the first verse:
It gets dark an hour earlier
I press the gas pedal down harder
I rarely call home (without anymore)
(without O, my) Mom does not know (without how)
I am keeping quiet more often now
I warm my bed for an hour
Happiness of five weeks -
I miss it so much
The last verse I copied from the previous discussion, as I don't agree mostly to the translation here.
I won't let anymore
To change one pain for another
Somebody else's field
Won't reap the harvest
(You) Didn't try to dazzle
(You) Said it was - it's gone
No more words needed
To understand.
Hope it won't add any confusion
PS bridges are OK to me |
| 11 مارس 2013 11:06 |
Leinتعداد پیامها: 3389 | Yay! I have edited, trying to take both your translations into account (Siberia's and Ramarren's).
Please let me know if you don't agree with the translation!
I have a few doubts remaining, so I have not edited the middle part of the last verse yet:
- Does the Russian text say whether it is this field yielding someone else's harvest, or someone else's field yielding the / this / my / our harvest, or is the original open to both interpretations?
- Does the Russian text indicate whether the next lines talk about you, as in Siberia's translation, or about him, as in Ramarren's? Or are both possible?
- Also, are these two lines one sentence?
Mom does not know
I am keeping quiet more often now
Should we add [that] before the second line, to make it clearer that they are one sentence?
We're nearly there! Thanks so much both of you for your input! |
| 11 مارس 2013 11:30 |
| Hi, Lein
1. As for the field, the songs says that someone else's field will not reap [any] fruits (which fruits - is unclear). I think, it will be better to use "reap" instead of "yield", this will be closer to original, though even in Russian I do not understand how any field could reap fruits, but so the story says... May be, it's metaphor expressing that you (as a stranger) can't reap fruits (of love) of other person.
2. As for he/you. The song here says about some masculine person (the singer is a girl), which may be "you" and may be not, but is definitely "he" Whether the song is addressed to this masculine person, we do not know (in Russian original the sex is defined by verb ending, and pronoun is not used, so we can't make this clear ), so I think that we should just underline his sex (by using "he" ) and not add any extra context which is not present in the original.
3. As for "Mom does not know, I am keeping quiet more often now" I'm sure these are two independent sentences of a complex sentence (first verse), which includes the list of independent claims:
1) It is getting dark an hour earlier,
2) I press the gas pedal down harder,
3) I rarely call home,
4) Mom does not know,
5) I am keeping quiet more often now...
(and so on till the end of the verse) |
| 11 مارس 2013 12:02 |
| Hi Lein and ramarren,
I agree with ramarren on the 1 and 3 points. On the second one, it can be both you and he, but rammaren's suggestion to clear things up is good so we shall go with it.
I still don't like the translation of the last part. Honestly, I think it's wrong, but may be it's me who get's the meaning wrong (as far as it's song lyrics an we all can interpret it differently).
Good luck with evaluation!
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| 11 مارس 2013 16:24 |
Leinتعداد پیامها: 3389 | Phew! I think I have incorporated all the suggestions. I will leave the poll open for a few more days to see if anyone else has anything to say, or if either of you gets hit by a brainwave before I accept |
| 11 مارس 2013 17:49 |
| Lein
Does "to dazzle" have a meaning the same as "throw dust into eyes" ("pull the wool over smb.'s eyes" )? |
| 11 مارس 2013 19:33 |
Leinتعداد پیامها: 3389 | I would say it does pretty much, although it also has a more positive meaning.
I though 'to throw dust in people's eyes' would be very long for this line. Would 'confuse' work? Or any of its synonyms, here for example?
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/confuse |
| 11 مارس 2013 19:58 |
| As for "to throw dust in people's eyes" being too long, I do not think it's an argument, because in the original it is also a phrase and not a verb. So it would not be good to constrain the meaning by using single word which does not bear the required strict sense of the original expression, which means "to try to deceive somebody on purpose by trying to look different from what you really are". I do not see neither "dazzle" nor "confuse" as synonyms for this. Am I mistaken? |
| 11 مارس 2013 20:18 |
Leinتعداد پیامها: 3389 | I think 'to confuse someone' conveys the same meaning but I am happy to have him throw dust
How is this? |
| 11 مارس 2013 20:26 |
| I did not understand the question o_0
And in this context "He didn't try to throw dust into anyone's eyes" must be without "try" and "anyone's", just "He didn't throw dust into eyes".
By the way, I think I have found the verb
http://idioms.yourdictionary.com/throw-dust-in-someone-s-eyes
Mislead looks OK, but I insist on using the phrase if native English speakers do not object |
| 11 مارس 2013 20:38 |
Leinتعداد پیامها: 3389 | I don't hear anyone objecting |
| 12 مارس 2013 04:09 |
| It looks great (at last)
A tiny little thing is with those lines:
"I won’t allow one pain
To change into another pain anymore"
If we need to be almost literal then it should be:
I won’t allow anymore to change one pain for another pain.
And correcting the existing translation:
I won’t allow one pain
To be change d for another pain anymore
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| 12 مارس 2013 09:37 |
Leinتعداد پیامها: 3389 |
Wow - looks like we may now all be happy with this translation |
| 17 مارس 2013 06:06 |
| Hey guys! You did a great job, I love it! |