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| | 19 Septembrie 2009 23:07 |
| | Beautiful, Ania!!!
I would only like to put in some archaic words like in the previous poem of mine:
I Admire your law, oh Lord --> I Admire Thy law, (oh) Lord
the Earth of yours -->the Earth of Thee
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| | 19 Septembrie 2009 23:17 |
| | You could use the archaic "you" throughout - if you don't, it sounds a little strange in English:
Thou hast given us Thine Earth
And taught us
To love her
Thou hast (put up our neighbours like a cross)
And taught us
To love them
Thou hast given FREEDOM
for LOVE to distribute
The part that I put in parenthesis I don't understand. Is this an expression in Polish? It has no meaning in English (to put someone or something up like a cross = ???). |
| | 19 Septembrie 2009 23:18 |
| | Sorry - I missed the title (it's not in the translation field:
I Admire Thy Law, O Lord |
| | 19 Septembrie 2009 23:22 |
| | Wow! How archaic it is! Even "hast" as "have"!
Ania didn't know I wanted it to have archaic... (I forgot to type it in the remark field) |
| | 19 Septembrie 2009 23:25 |
| | Well, you can't say "thou have" in English - it's either all the way or not at all. |
| | 19 Septembrie 2009 23:27 |
| | Yes, we often forget about titles, meanwhile they are important ingredients of the poems...
Since you've chosen " Thy Law", so shouldn't be " Thy Earth", Laura? |
| | 19 Septembrie 2009 23:43 |
| | Laura "to put someone or something up like a cross" isn't any idiomatic expression. This is other metaphor of mine... I meant that God gave us people (our brothers/fellow men/neighbours) as a cross, because we have to share their cares and problems... Is it clear now?
And even they are like a cross for us, we should love them... This is a real meaning... |
| | 16 Octombrie 2009 19:40 |
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| | 16 Octombrie 2009 21:03 |
| | I'm sorry Aneta, but like Kafetzou, I still haven't gotten the exact meaning of that line.
Could it be:
"Thou hast given us our brothers to carry like a cross"?
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| | 16 Octombrie 2009 21:40 |
| | Thank you Lilly for your quick answer!
Well,this Polish line has a methaphorical meaning. It is not any Polish idiom, but only a kind of methaphor of mine.
So,
brothers/neighbours = a cross
--> to place/stand/put up brothers as a cross
How do you call in English the action of "placing the cross in a ground"?
but we can add the word "to carry". We haven't got it in the source, but I like it and it completes the meaning in a great way! |
| | 16 Octombrie 2009 22:40 |
| | That would be "stick (thrust into) the ground", I guess.
What about:
"Thou hast stuck our brothers into us like a cross (into the ground)"? |
| | 16 Octombrie 2009 23:00 |
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| | 16 Octombrie 2009 23:49 |
| | Oops - sorry, girls - I didn't see any of these comments until now!
1) Aneta, if you don't put the title in the translation field, it might not be translated with care - the title field is just for the title of the translation request, and translating it does not give the translator any points.
2) In English, we have the expression "a cross to bear", so I would suggest the following:
I admire Thy law, o Lord
Thou hast given us Thine Earth
And taught us
To love her
Thou hast given us our neighbours as a cross to bear
And taught us
To love them
Thou hast given FREEDOM
for LOVE to distribute
Just one question: Who did the Lord give freedom to? Should it be "given us FREEDOM"? |
| | 16 Octombrie 2009 23:54 |
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| | 17 Octombrie 2009 00:51 |
| | But, Laura, I like Lilian's proposition very much too and it is difficult for me to decide which is better.
I'd like iluvmilka uttered the word before accepting this translation, ok? She knows Polish and English very well, so her opinion, and Lilian's opinion of course, is very important too.
CC: lilian canale |
| | 18 Octombrie 2009 18:26 |
| | iluvmilka has voted for the translation as it stands. I'm going to accept it. |
| | 18 Octombrie 2009 22:50 |
| | Thank you girls! |