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Translation - French-English - J'erre, seul dans mes pensées, je ...

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Category Free writing - Society / People / Politics

Title
J'erre, seul dans mes pensées, je ...
Text
Submitted by fabinouuuuuu
Source language: French

J'erre, seul dans mes pensées, je flâne, j'écoute, je rêve d'un monde où l'égalité règne. Impossible ?
Malheureusement, dure réalité, il faut seulement accepter.
Je me bats tant bien que mal pour enlever la violence et la discrimination,
je ne récolte que la haine et l'incompréhension.




Remarks about the translation
bonjours ou bonsoir ^^. je fais de la musique à mes heures perdues et j'ai gribouillé quelques lignes qui je trouve me reflètent bien. je souhaiterais traduire cette "chanson" en anglais britannique pour que je puisse la chanter sans avoir l'air trop nul :). je vous remercie d'avance.

Title
I'm wandering, alone in my thoughts, I’m hanging around,...
Translation
English

Translated by intikam22
Target language: English

I'm wandering, alone in my thoughts, I’m hanging around, I’m listening, I’m dreaming of a world where equality reigns. Impossible? Unfortunately, cruel reality, you must just accept it. I fight with difficulty to remove the violence and discrimination, I harvest nothing but hate and incomprehension.
Last validated or edited by Lein - 1 February 2011 13:25





Latest messages

Author
Message

31 January 2011 18:01

Lein
Number of messages: 3389
Hi intikam

The English looks fine, so I have set a poll to see what others, whose French is better than mine, say about the translation.
Just one small thing: would 'I wander' not be a better translation than 'I nest'? 'Nesting' is more something like finding a place to stay, settling in, as far as I know, whereas it sounds more like here, the idea is that the person is wandering, walking, moving from here to there and back.
Please let me know if you agree!
Thanks!

31 January 2011 18:32

gamine
Number of messages: 4611
I am wandering instead of 'I am nesting'.

31 January 2011 20:33

intikam22
Number of messages: 8
Hi Lein
In first version it was used the verb "airer"(français)= to nestle- "J'aire, seul dans mes pensées..."-I'm nestling, alone in my thoughts...which means, metaphorical speaking, that I'm hiding in my thoughts,I am alone with my thoughts, which makes perfectly sense, because was figurative used. Then the text was edited by somebody and he used "errer"=to wander (you are right here),that's why I translated "to nestle" Maybe the one who edited thought: "laisser errer ses pensées"(french expression)but it's a bit repetitive to use in the same sentence the verbs "errer" and "flâner" (almost synonyms),that's why I think it's "airer" not "errer".(like before it was edited(in french) and as I translated) I think the real meaning it's not" I'm moving from a place to another(space), but "I'm hiding in my thoughts from others,alone". I don't want to translate word for word, I try first to understand the text. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, but the meaning it's also important. I translated like this,then it was edited, that's why it's different. Thank you very much for your message and also for asking my opinion. So, it depends...if they want to keep the verb "errer" or "airer". For "errer" you are perfectly right, it's "to wander". Thanks again

31 January 2011 22:33

Bilge Ertan
Number of messages: 921
Hi all

I have just something to add. First, for the forth line:

- Je me bats tant bien que mal pour enlever la violence et la discrimination.

Tant bien que mal means difficilement, so we'd better change it with something like this:

I fight with difficulty to remove the violence and discrimination.

And for the last line, the translation of the word l'incompréhension must be incomprehension, if it was misunderstanding, it would be mal compréhension.

31 January 2011 23:05

fabinouuuuuu
Number of messages: 3
merci beuacoup

31 January 2011 23:37

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Hi

I do not agree with intikam22, as a native French speaker I can tell "airer" is most of the time employed when it is about birds, and its use in poetry would be rather metaphorically heavy, while "errer" has a much more wide and opened meaning, not only "to wander". I also think the redundance of the notion "errer/flâner" is less "heavy" than using the verb "airer" talking about oneself. But this is just my personal opinion.

Bonsoir fabinou!
Nous avions corrigé "j'aire, seul dans mes pensées" et utilisé "j'erre, seul dans mes pensées", étant donné que la définition du verbe "airer" est "faire son nid", mais peut-être était-ce ce que vous désiriez exprimer?

Merci de me répondre, car c'est important pour obtenir une traduction qui soit fidèle à ce que vous avez voulu exprimer.

Bonne soirée!

31 January 2011 23:41

fabinouuuuuu
Number of messages: 3
c'était "errer" effectivement, excusez moi pour cette erreur

1 February 2011 00:16

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Merci pour la rapidité de votre réponse, fabinou!

Marjolein, the requester just confirmed he wanted to type "j'erre", so "I'm nesting" should be edited with either "I'm wandering" or another verb that is approaching this notion of "errance".
And Bilge is right as well, about "incomprehension", it matches the meaning better than "misunderstanding", there's a nuance between "incompréhension" and "méprise, malentendu, etc". So if you could edit this word as well, I think the rest of the translation is OK.