ترجمة - فرنسي-انجليزي - C'est un "pas du tout", plus qu' un "je t'aime un peu"

4 people think that this translation is good, and 9 people (!) think it is bad, I personaly think it is good, and I would like some argumentation from both parts, in order to let the "validator", who knows french but isn't sure about the source language, do his job correctly and neither validate a bad translation, nor refuse a good one.
I think we don't have to care too much about if it is "it loves me" in english and "je t'aime" in french, as there must be some variants relative to the country they are coming from, so no matter it is "kikeriki" or "cock a doodle-doo", or "cocorico", as the flower has got no more petals at the final, and this translation has got to be validated one of these days.
Anyway, this is useless just telling if a translation is good or bad if no one can explain why it is .

It is good mostly, but to be faithful to the original meaning, I would change this two frases this way:
...
It’s "loves me not", not "loves me";
for
It’s "loves me not", more than "loves me";
...
It’s loyalty to he who brings our demise;
for
It’s loyalty to he who brings our death;
or even
It’s loyalty to he who kills us;

* The verb "matar" means "to kill", it is that strong, indeed ( "ele mata" = "he kills" ). But it's not clear if what kills is the lover or the love itself. So, maybe, it could be said:

It’s loyalty to what brings our death;

I've made another edit to the English. "demise" was better than "death" - it means the same thing, but it's more poetic - and the use of -er eliminates the gender problem, except for the final "seu", which I think should be "it", as it seems to refer to love itself.

Sounds good to me writen this way!
Thanks for the english lesson!

You're welcome - as always!

Yes, nice way to avoid the gender issue, kafetzou, thanks
Wow, initially 9 "bad" and 4 "good", that was pretty tough... but, yeah, I understand how not using the original version did not play in my favor. I'm wondering, though, shouldn't the French then also be changed slightly, too, in the first line?

You're right, I edited the french version as well after reading your last post. Thanks!

I think this happens often when people translate from a version that hasn't been accepted yet.

Oh... But, if I was able to see it, didn't that mean that it had been accepted? (this is a real question, I'm a bit confused)

No - it might just have been translated, but not accepted yet.

oh, ok...