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Μετάφραση - Εσπεράντο-Αγγλικά - La viro estis starita sur la roko, kun mezaĝa...

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τίτλος
La viro estis starita sur la roko, kun mezaĝa...
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Υποβλήθηκε από alireza
Γλώσσα πηγής: Εσπεράντο

La viro estis starita sur la roko, kun mezaĝa vizaĝo, ridetis, mi sentis varman manon sur mian ŝultron, mi revenis mian vizaĝon, virino kun longaj haroj, ŝia hararo malstreĉiĝis, lumoj kiuj reflektis de akvo, estis dancataj sur lia vizaĝo, lumo, varmego, la virino estis juna kaj ŝia korbo estis pli granda ol mia,
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American English

τίτλος
The man was standing on the rock, with middle-aged...
Μετάφραση
Αγγλικά

Μεταφράστηκε από ArenaL5
Γλώσσα προορισμού: Αγγλικά

The man was standing on the rock, with a middle-aged face, he smiled, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, I turned my face, a woman with long hair, her hair loose, lights which reflected on the water, were dancing on her face, light, such intense warmth, the woman was young and her basket was bigger than mine,...
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The translation is almost literal - that juxtaposed, fragmented sentences are unnatural in Esperanto too. Most likely this fragment was automatically translated from other non-European language.

"Malstreĉiĝis" means "unstretched" (verb), I translated it as "curled".

"Varmego" could either be "intense warmth" or "heat", I translated it as "such intense warmth"
Τελευταία επικύρωση ή επεξεργασία από lilian canale - 8 Ιούλιος 2012 22:45





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24 Ιούνιος 2012 15:47

lilian canale
Αριθμός μηνυμάτων: 14972
Hi Arenal,

I've made a few minor edits to look better in English.
I wonder, however if that "Malstreĉiĝis" could be translated as: "loose".

Before edits:


The man was standing on the rock, with middle-aged face, smiled, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, I turned my face, a woman with long hairs, her hair curled, lights which reflected on the water, were dancing on his face, light, such intense warmth, the woman was young and her basket was bigger than mine,

25 Ιούνιος 2012 11:44

ArenaL5
Αριθμός μηνυμάτων: 24
I only have one complaint: in "were dancing on her face", the original reads "lia". Lia means "his" and cannot be used for someone which we know is a woman.

I think "Malstreĉiĝis" can be translated that way. ("loosed", in any case)

Thank you for your interest, again. Could you replace a typo of mine in my translation note? "that yuxtaposed" should be "those juxtaposed".

25 Ιούνιος 2012 11:53

Francky5591
Αριθμός μηνυμάτων: 12396
Hi ArenaL5

"Those juxtaposed, fragmented sentences..."

You're welcome!

25 Ιούνιος 2012 14:41

lilian canale
Αριθμός μηνυμάτων: 14972
Hi Arenal,

As Alireza confirmed (He wrote: "this is a Persian/Farsi text in original and i translated it direct from Persian to Esperanto" ) the original may be faulty and "Lia" may be wrong. It seems to me that "her face" fits better and makes more sense in the context, don't you agree?
About "loose"...I suggested the adjective not the verb.
The typos are corrected.

27 Ιούνιος 2012 12:21

ArenaL5
Αριθμός μηνυμάτων: 24
Thanks for the corrections, Francky5591 and lilian canale.

If Alireza himself said the original may be faulty, then I have no reason to complain hahaha. It would be good if he could check it so we can be sure.

Actually, it does make more sense in the way you say.

For "loose"... yeah, adjective "loose" looks more natural, please throw it in (checking again my translation, maybe it's even more exact than "curled".