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| | 20 září 2009 22:47 |
| | I'm under the impression, Ania!!!
I don't know what experts are going to say, but I like it very very much!
p.s. Only the titles in your all translations of my "poetic prayers" I would change.
Stwórca --> Creator God (not: Lord) and this is important difference for me, because all the poems refer to wonderful God who created our world...
BTW. The genaral title of the "Prayers of Admiration/hymns" is "Zachwyty Niewidzialnym" - Admirations for Invisible One (?)... |
| | 20 září 2009 22:51 |
| | Yeah, ok, i see what you mean. I should've used Creator, i'll change it in a second
im glad you like it |
| | 20 září 2009 22:56 |
| | One tiny thing more:
Shouldn't I meet Thou be "I meet Thee"? |
| | 21 září 2009 06:10 |
| | "and I fall silent
when all Thy MIRACLES are singing
and pouring hymns of praise
into my soul
taking my breath away
I meet Thee
In silence
In my bewildered heart
In my AMAZEMENT ..."
I don't understand the last line - convert whom?
Also, the word "bewildered" is a bit negative - it's the way you feel when you're lost. Maybe you meant "wondering". |
| | 21 září 2009 07:37 |
| | "bewildered" --> surprised
Convert "them" --> my silence, surprised heart, my amazement...
convert = change into sth good...
and the title:
I marvel at Thee, Creator!
or I admire, Thee/I gush over Thee, Creator! |
| | 21 září 2009 15:04 |
| | I used 'laudatory hymns' for reason as it is a phrase used in literature so i thought it'd be more suitable.
Also, im not very good at archaic english, hence the mistakes |
| | 21 září 2009 16:14 |
| | 'laudatory hymns'? I like it! But the whole volume isn't only the laudatory. After 'laudatory hymns' I will submit my 'thankful hymns' (if I can say in this way), so the whole volume I called in Polish 'Zachwyty Niewidzialnym' - Admirations for Invisible(One), which consists of two parts:'laudatory hymns' and' thankful hymns'... |
| | 21 září 2009 16:31 |
| | 1) In religious contexts, "hymns of praise" is more common. I never heard "laudatory hymns" before.
2) It doesn't say "my silence" in the English.
3) I guess "Convert them as well" is OK, although I didn't understand it. I can't think of a way to fix it without getting too wordy - "Convert these parts of me as well" doesn't sound so good. |
| | 21 září 2009 18:15 |
| | ad 1)Hymns of praise! Yeees! Thank you!
"No one else deserves my praise but You...You deserve all of my praise..." etc. - like in Gospel songs! Super!
ad 2) So how can I say it, because in Polish it is literaly "my silence" (because I keep the silence)
ad 3)I don't know if I understood... You want to replace "Convert them as well" with "Convert these parts of me as well" or not?
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| | 22 září 2009 03:37 |
| | 1) "my silence" is fine, but that's not what iluvmilka wrote.
2) I can't decide about the last line. Maybe Lilian could give her opinion.
P.S. What is "ad" before each of your numbers? |
| | 22 září 2009 10:07 |
| | Hahaha! ad. --> well-known abbreviation of Latin expression "adnotatio" (note) I should have put a full stop after ad...
People often use it when somebody made a list of questions/remarks and they are supposed to make a reference to them like in this case, Laura.
Don't you know it too in America?
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| | 24 září 2009 19:46 |
| | "Convert them as well" (iluvmilka) or "Convert these parts of me as well"(kafetzou)
My explanations:
Convert "them" --> my silence, surprised heart, my amazement... change into sth good...
Lilly, could you help us with the last line of the poem, please?
CC: lilian canale |
| | 14 říjen 2009 21:25 |
| | What about:
"Make the good out of them"?
Sorry, that's the only idea that crossed my mind. |