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Translation - Polish-English - Zachwycam się Tobą Stwórco

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กลุ่ม Poetry

Title
Zachwycam się Tobą Stwórco
Text
Submitted by Aneta B.
Source language: Polish

aż milknę
gdy CUD Twój cały śpiewa
i w duszę moją ciśnie
pochwalne hymny
dech mój zapiera

Spotykam siÄ™ z TobÄ…
w milczeniu
w zaskoczonym sercu
w moim ZDZIWIENIU

Je też przemieniaj
Remarks about the translation
British English (archaic)

Title
I marvel at Thee, Creator!
Translation
English

Translated by iluvmilka
Target language: English

and I fall silent
when All Thy MIRACLES are singing
and pouring hymns of praise
into my soul
taking my breath away

I meet Thee
In silence
In my bewildered heart
in my AMAZEMENT

Convert these things as well
Validated by kafetzou - 15 October 2009 08:05





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20 September 2009 22:47

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
I'm under the impression, Ania!!!
I don't know what experts are going to say, but I like it very very much!

p.s. Only the titles in your all translations of my "poetic prayers" I would change.

Stwórca --> Creator God (not: Lord) and this is important difference for me, because all the poems refer to wonderful God who created our world...

BTW. The genaral title of the "Prayers of Admiration/hymns" is "Zachwyty Niewidzialnym" - Admirations for Invisible One (?)...

20 September 2009 22:51

iluvmilka
จำนวนข้อความ: 77
Yeah, ok, i see what you mean. I should've used Creator, i'll change it in a second
im glad you like it

20 September 2009 22:56

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
One tiny thing more:

Shouldn't I meet Thou be "I meet Thee"?

21 September 2009 06:10

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
"and I fall silent
when all Thy MIRACLES are singing
and pouring hymns of praise
into my soul
taking my breath away

I meet Thee
In silence
In my bewildered heart
In my AMAZEMENT ..."

I don't understand the last line - convert whom?

Also, the word "bewildered" is a bit negative - it's the way you feel when you're lost. Maybe you meant "wondering".

21 September 2009 07:37

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
"bewildered" --> surprised

Convert "them" --> my silence, surprised heart, my amazement...

convert = change into sth good...

and the title:
I marvel at Thee, Creator!
or I admire, Thee/I gush over Thee, Creator!

21 September 2009 15:04

iluvmilka
จำนวนข้อความ: 77
I used 'laudatory hymns' for reason as it is a phrase used in literature so i thought it'd be more suitable.
Also, im not very good at archaic english, hence the mistakes

21 September 2009 16:14

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
'laudatory hymns'? I like it! But the whole volume isn't only the laudatory. After 'laudatory hymns' I will submit my 'thankful hymns' (if I can say in this way), so the whole volume I called in Polish 'Zachwyty Niewidzialnym' -Admirations for Invisible(One), which consists of two parts:'laudatory hymns' and' thankful hymns'...

21 September 2009 16:31

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
1) In religious contexts, "hymns of praise" is more common. I never heard "laudatory hymns" before.

2) It doesn't say "my silence" in the English.

3) I guess "Convert them as well" is OK, although I didn't understand it. I can't think of a way to fix it without getting too wordy - "Convert these parts of me as well" doesn't sound so good.

21 September 2009 18:15

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
ad 1)Hymns of praise! Yeees! Thank you!
"No one else deserves my praise but You...You deserve all of my praise..." etc. - like in Gospel songs! Super!

ad 2) So how can I say it, because in Polish it is literaly "my silence" (because I keep the silence)

ad 3)I don't know if I understood... You want to replace "Convert them as well" with "Convert these parts of me as well" or not?




22 September 2009 03:37

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
1) "my silence" is fine, but that's not what iluvmilka wrote.

2) I can't decide about the last line. Maybe Lilian could give her opinion.

P.S. What is "ad" before each of your numbers?

22 September 2009 10:07

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
Hahaha! ad. --> well-known abbreviation of Latin expression "adnotatio" (note) I should have put a full stop after ad...

People often use it when somebody made a list of questions/remarks and they are supposed to make a reference to them like in this case, Laura.

Don't you know it too in America?


24 September 2009 19:46

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
"Convert them as well" (iluvmilka) or "Convert these parts of me as well"(kafetzou)

My explanations:

Convert "them" --> my silence, surprised heart, my amazement... change into sth good...

Lilly, could you help us with the last line of the poem, please?

CC: lilian canale

14 October 2009 21:25

lilian canale
จำนวนข้อความ: 14972
What about:
"Make the good out of them"?

Sorry, that's the only idea that crossed my mind.