Translation - Polish-Italian - Dzień się narodził...

@Baobab

Per inviare correttamente la tua traduzione, clicca sul pulsante blu "Tradurre (Italiano)"

Cordiali saluti,

Ok, fatto.

Traduzione eccellente, complimenti!
Voto: 10/10

Thank you Baobab, for your excellent translation!

---
@Alex,
I have one little concern about "l cantiere navale emette i suoi indaffarati suoni".

You know English translation isn't literal here, just the opposite - very metaphorical.
Polish line literally reads here:

"The shipyard already gives sounds that it is working"
(=that it started working)...

We can change "emette" with "inizia ad emettere", if you wish Aneta. Your choice. I think the translation is very very good, aestethically too. But adding a verb won't destroy anything

I believe you, Alex and I'm grateful.

I didn't mean that "emette" was wrong. I just suggested that maybe more literal translation would suit Polish original better:

-->Il cantiere navale emette che già lavora (I'm not sure I wrote it correctly)

But you know better. If Baobab's option expresses the same as I wrote in Italian above, that's fine. Metaphors are very welcome, but when people translate from English, I'm always afraid that a meaning of Polish version may be somehow lost. Do you understand my concern, dear?

Yes dear, you did well to tell me your concern, it's a translation of your poem after all!

"Che già lavora" is correct, right, but it's less poetic Perhaps Baobab will come up with another suggestion,,,? What do you think Baobab?

Thanks for understanding, dear.

Maybe I'm less poetic than translators of my poems, hehe!

You know, I once accepted these "busy sounds" in English version, because I associated the adjective "busy" with the present participle "working", but Polish version is not that metaphorical at all, believe me.

To be precise, Polish version is:

"Il cantiere navale già ci permette di conoscere che lavora"

(The shipyard already lets us know that it's working)

"Già si odono i rumori del cantiere navale"

in my opinion this sentence is better: it's more clear and it is in "poetic style".
It means: "Already you can hear the sounds of the shipyard". But please note that:
1)In Italian, it sounds much better than in English.
2)In Italian there is not the pronoun (it's indefinite).
3)I cut work/working because it's already clear that the sounds/noises generated from the shipyard are of this type. If you want to keep "work" (lavoro) you can write the sentence also in this way:
"Già si ode il lavoro del cantiere navale"
It is fine also in this way, in my opinion. Here you can see that, instead, I cut sounds/noises in order to avoid repetition.
Besides in both cases the sentence is very fluent in comparison with my first translation.
4)No metaphorical meaning here. ;-)

-----

@ Aneta B.

"Il cantiere navale emette che già lavora". This is wrong (emette + che gia' lavora).

"Il cantiere navale già ci permette di conoscere che lavora" this is correct but it sounds a little weird and twisted.

Ciao! :-)

Ciao Baobab,

Thank you for your work. I like both your proposals, though they are still very metaphorical, meanwhile the first verse of my poem is more like prose (it describes daily life), yet the second verse (the last three lines) are stricte poetic. But my poor Italian translations were not to be options for you, they were only my direct translations from Polish original to show you a structure of the Polish line. Don't consider them options for yourself, please.

You know, I prefer "the shipyard" was a subject in the sentence, not "we". All lines of the verse have "non-living" subjects:
1. a day
2. the sun
3. it (=the sun)
4. the shipyard
5. birds
6. a ferry
7. the sky
8. a plane

Hope you understand what I mean.
I believe you and Alex will take a good decision.
Thank you so much to you both.

Ciao Aneta, I try to answer and to help you:

1) I don't understand what you mean for "metaphorical". The sentence "Già si odono i rumori del cantiere navale" means "it's possible to hear the (working) sounds of the shipyard". It's a very literal meaning... where is the metaphor?

2) I agree about the subjects of the lines. Even if in the sentence of the shipyard the subject is not "we" but it is "i rumori" (reflexive form), it's different from the original text.

I can translate

"il cantiere navale già produce/emette/diffonde i suoi suoni/rumori"

This is not wrong but in my opinion, for a poetic line this structure of the sentence is not very suitable. For this reason, if it not a problem, I suggest to change the subject: to use "the sounds/noises" and reflexive form. In this way it sounds very poetic. Even if, of course the subject is not in the begin of the sentence (but also in the previous line it is not in the begin since it is implicit).

Maybe someone else can give us other version of the line and other solutions! :-)

When I say "metaphorical" I mean it is not litteral, because a true literal translation of Polish: "Stocznia już daje znać że pracuje"
would be:
"The shipyard already lets us know that it has started working".

English translation "The shipyard utters out its busy sounds" is also just metaphorical.

I never use a word "sounds" or "busy sounds" in my poem. It was the translator's into English (Aleksander's) idea. Yet I accepted this as long as the adjective "busy" referred somehow to "work", "working" etc.

Anyway I wouldn't like the first 8 lines were poetic or metaphorical. They are just to be prosaic and to contrast the final three poetic lines.

Ok, so if you don't want "sound" and you want a prose line this can be simple and ok:

"il cantiere navale ha già iniziato a lavorare"

You can see that I cut "...lets us to know" cos in my opinion it is superfluous here.
But if you want it, you can write:

"il cantiere navale ci fa sapere/ci comunica/ci informa che ha già iniziato a lavorare"

This is correct. But in my opinion the line is better without "ci fa sapere/ci comunica/ci informa" (besides, this is a methafor since the shipyard doesn't "communicate" with people

"il cantiere navale ha già iniziato a lavorare"

You're right it is a bit metaphorical.
The shipyard can't inform anybody...
But the version with "busy sounds" wasn't so close to the Polish original as this one.


Grazie mille e mi dispiace se mi prendi
un po' faticosa...

Sorry if I'm not taking part in this discussion, I promise I'll do so as soon as I have some free hours.

Thank you both, grazie per la vostra collaborazione