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Translation - Polish-French - Dzień się narodził...Current status Translation
กลุ่ม Poetry - Love / Friendship | | | Source language: Polish
Dzień się narodził ponownie
Słońce wstało do wędrówki
Właśnie ukrywa się za konarami topoli
Stocznia już daje znać że pracuje
Ptaki jeszcze milczÄ…
Prom wpływa do portu
Niebo błękitnieje
Chmury w kratkÄ™ przeciÄ…Å‚ samolot
Dzień się narodził
A ja żyję nocą
A ja żyję Tobą | Remarks about the translation | |
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| Un jour nouveau se lève. | | Target language: French
Un jour se lève à nouveau.
Le soleil se prépare à un voyage
Il se cache pour l'instant derrière les branches de peuplier
Le chantier naval fait entendre sa bruyante activité
Les oiseaux sont encore silencieux
Un ferry entre dans le port
Le ciel bleuit
Un avion découpe des nuages dentelés
Un jour est né
Mais je vis avec la nuit
Je vis avec toi. |
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ตอบล่าสุด | | | | |
8 October 2012 20:10 | | | Hi hanternoz, 
Thanks for the translation.
@ Hi French experts, could you please read posts under Italian version before you evaluate the text. We've been discussing there an English translation of one line(Le chantier naval fait entendre sa bruyante activité?). Thanks! 
CC: RedShadow Francky5591 gamine Bilge Ertan IanMegill2 | | |
8 October 2012 22:45 | | | Hi Aneta! I think hanternoz translated this line very well. "bruyante" means one can hear the noise, and "activité" means people working there are very busy.
"already" like it stands in the Polish text (according to the translation into english you give yourself)hasn't been translated though, this would give : "Le chantier naval fait déjà entendre sa bruyante activité" (or, if ever you want to insist on "already" -meaning "it's very early but ...already one can hear the noise from the works in the shipyard"- , that would give "Déjà , le chantier naval fait entendre sa bruyante activité"
First one is lighter, but IMO it is better without "déjà " (translator into English also skipped "already", apparently".
You decide, it's up to you   | | |
9 October 2012 09:15 | | | Hi Francky,
I know you and the translator will do your best. I just wanted to let you know about the discussion which could be helpful.
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9 October 2012 09:45 | | | Thank you Franckie for your support. I don't know what the discussion is about. If it is about "sa bruyante activité" as an usual way of writing this line, I agree. In French we say "une activité bruyante", but I chose a poetic figure of speech, with inversion. I felt it more fitting with the mood of the text. | | |
9 October 2012 09:51 | | | | | |
9 October 2012 15:58 | | | Hello Aneta.
OK, I see! I read the posts. But I am very very limited in Italian, unfortunately I can't help. But I am interested in knowing the final result. | | |
9 October 2012 22:08 | | | But the crucial thing was discussed in English, not in Italian, hanternoz.
The essential post was:
"...litteral, because a true literal translation of Polish: "Stocznia już daje znać że pracuje"
would be:
"The shipyard already lets us know that it has started working".
English translation "The shipyard utters out its busy sounds" is also just metaphorical.
I never use a word "sounds" or "busy sounds" in my poem. It was the translator's into English (Aleksander's) idea. Yet I accepted this as long as the adjective "busy" referred somehow to "work", "working" etc.
Anyway I wouldn't like the first 8 lines were poetic or metaphorical. They are just to be prosaic and to contrast the final three poetic lines". |
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