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44Dịch - French-Spanish - Il n’y a pas encore de violettes

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Nhóm chuyên mục Poetry

Title
Il n’y a pas encore de violettes
Text
Submitted by Tantine
Source language: French

Il n’y a pas encore de violettes
Et le fond de l’air est frais
L’Astre scintille dans la neige en face
Le gel, doucement, disparaît.

Il n’y a pas encore de violettes
Et les vents apportent des pluies
L’Astre scintille, au petit matin,
Sur les rigueurs de la nuit.

Il n’y a pas encore de violettes
Mais leurs feuilles sortent de la terre
Les herbes s’éveillent, les tiges s’allongent
Le sol devient plus vert.

Il n’y a pas encore de violettes
Mais le roncier bourgeonne
Les crocus sortent, les oiseaux chantent
Les journées sont plus longues

Il n’y a pas encore de violettes
Mais la promesse contenue
Dans chacun de Ses autres signes
Est « L’Hiver est déchu »

Il n’y a pas encore de violettes
Mais tressons la couronne
Pour accueillir la princesse verte
La Déesse du Printemps

Ruth Kilgallon-Thierry
1° March 2006
Remarks about the translation
J'aimerais que les traductions riment de la même manière.

La licence poétique est tolérée dans le mesure où certaines plantes ne sont pas présentes dans certains pays.

Title
Todavía no hay violetas.
Dịch
High quality requiredSpanish

Translated by lilian canale
Target language: Spanish

Todavía no hay violetas
El aire se mantiene casi tan frío
El sol resplandece en la nieve
El hielo, suavemente se ha ido.

Todavía no hay violetas
La lluvia los vientos traen
El astro rey brilla al alba
En los cristales que de noche caen.

Todavía no hay violetas
Pero sus hojas brotan del suelo
El verdor despierta, sus brazos extiende
Más verde aún es de la tierra, su velo.

Todavía no hay violetas
Pero ya brotan las moras
El azafrán crece, los pájaros trinan
Los días alargan sus horas.

Todavía no hay violetas
Pero la promesa que firme sigue
Pone en cada señal suya
Que “El invierno se despide”

Todavía no hay violetas
Trencemos la corona hermosa
Para recibir a la verde princesa
De la primavera, la diosa.


Ruth Kilgallon-Thierry
1° de Marzo/2006
Validated by guilon - 2 Tháng 4 2008 18:21





Bài gửi sau cùng

Tác giả
Bài gửi

29 Tháng 3 2008 21:24

guilon
Tổng số bài gửi: 1549
I am really sorry, I have strived to have it well translated into Spanish with the proper rhyme requested, but with no success so far. I can write a beautiful translation but I am not good at metrics and rhyme. Let's see if Lilianca or the others are more endowed.

30 Tháng 3 2008 00:51

Tantine
Tổng số bài gửi: 2747
Ok guilon, no problem, you can take your time. I don't want any stress for anyone.

Lilly is a great choice for helping you.

Bises
Tantine

30 Tháng 3 2008 05:02

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
Tantine,
this was just a first attempt which will certainly be improved by the suggestions of the many capable people who I hope will help me.
Please, guys, be welcome to post them.


Guilon, en este trabajo vas a tener que meter la nariz y decirme lo que te parece.

30 Tháng 3 2008 09:28

guilon
Tổng số bài gửi: 1549
My mouth just went slack, Lili, you are good at it, I'll take a look and comment more thoroughly somewhen later.

31 Tháng 3 2008 20:58

guilon
Tổng số bài gửi: 1549
As I said, this translation is outstanding, I would let almost everything unchanged, only two things on the last two strophes:

Todavía no hay violetas
Pero la promesa que firme sigue
Pone en cada señal suya
Es “El invierno se despide”

You have three verbs there, I think the third one doesn't fit because of redundancy, I would replace "es" by a conjunction, "que"

Todavía no hay violetas
Pero la promesa que firme sigue
Pone en cada señal suya
Que “El invierno se despide”

Todavía no hay violetas
Igual cantemos con regocijo
Al recibir a la verde princesa

La primavera, la diosa, un principio.

What the original is saying:


Todavía no hay violetas
Pero trencemos la corona
Para recibir a la verde princesa

La primavera, la diosa, un principio.

Could you Lili find a way to say that with rhymes? I don't think we should change the meaning of the poem.

All the rest seems just perfect to me.

31 Tháng 3 2008 22:38

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
Well...after all that support I guess I should start thinking about writing some poems of my own!!! Thanks Guilon.

Seriously;

I agree with Guilon on the "multi-verbal" stuff. The last one should be taken out, for sure.

And for the last verse, I translated from the French original, where

"Mais tressons la couronne
Pour accueillir la princesse verte"

I understood as I wrote since there is the expression in French "tresser des couronnes/lauriers à qqn" which means: praise, to show admiration.
It was difficult to display an image of joy and admiration with some rhyme. I could just find this way
Maybe Tantine can help us understand the idea better.

What do you say, Ruth?





1 Tháng 4 2008 00:10

Tantine
Tổng số bài gửi: 2747
Hi Lilly

The sense of "tressons la couronne" is exactly that, the idea of making a crown from a garland of flowers or leaves in order to crown the coming princess.

If you can't manage to get a crown (or other similar head gear) to rhyme here, maybe there is some other way of heralding the arrival of spring in such "rejoicing".

Feel free to change words or associations if it helps with either the rhyme or the metric. As long as the general tone is one of relieved, awe-inspired joy at the return of the spring season. If it has a rather "pagan" turn it is even better

Bises
Tantine

1 Tháng 4 2008 00:42

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
OK, let's try this:

Todavía no hay violetas
Trencemos la corona hermosa
Para recibir a la verde princesa
De la primavera, la diosa.





CC: guilon

1 Tháng 4 2008 01:17

Tantine
Tổng số bài gửi: 2747
Yeah!!!!!

Poetry Rocks

1 Tháng 4 2008 01:51

goncin
Tổng số bài gửi: 3706
Sugerencia para la primera estrofa:

"Todavía no hay violetas
El aire se mantiene casi tan frío
El sol resplandece en la nieve
El hielo se va con el rocío."

1 Tháng 4 2008 01:54

goncin
Tổng số bài gửi: 3706
Una simple inversión de palabras resuelve la cuarta estrofa:

"Todavía no hay violetas
Pero ahora brotan las moras
El azafrán crece, los pájaros trinan
Los días alargan sus horas."

1 Tháng 4 2008 01:57

goncin
Tổng số bài gửi: 3706
Sugerencia para la quinta estrofa:

Todavía no hay violetas
Pero la promesa que firme va
En cada una de las señales suyas
Es: “El invierno se despide ya”

1 Tháng 4 2008 16:31

guilon
Tổng số bài gửi: 1549
Lili,

You may want to take a look to goncinho's suggestions, if you'd rather let things as they are I still think your translation is very good, but he has posted some interesting ideas.

1 Tháng 4 2008 16:57

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
Yes guilon, I have used some of Goncinho's suggestions.
Actually that "Pero ya brotan las moras" was perfect!

This is being a great team work!

1 Tháng 4 2008 17:21

guilon
Tổng số bài gửi: 1549
Well, now I'll just let it simmer gently in the oven, and wait to see if someone else has any ingredients to be added, otherwise the plate is ready to be eaten.

1 Tháng 4 2008 23:52

Tantine
Tổng số bài gửi: 2747
yummy!!