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Dịch - Polish-English - Oswojone drzewo ty widziaÅ‚eÅ› innych ludzi...

Current statusDịch
This text is available in the following languages: PolishEnglish

Nhóm chuyên mục Poetry

Title
Oswojone drzewo ty widziałeś innych ludzi...
Text
Submitted by Aneta B.
Source language: Polish

Oswojone drzewo

ty widziałeś innych ludzi
ty widziałeś inny świat
twoje oczy miały inny kolor
zakurzone od lat

a ja oswojone drzewo
nie wiedziałam
że może nie być
zielono

inaczej byłam uczona
innym mlekiem karmiona
inne kwiaty wąchałam
twoich nie potrzebowałam
och, ograniczona!

ty widzisz innych ludzi
ty widzisz inny świat
twoje oczy majÄ… inny kolor
zakurzone od lat

a ja młode drzewo
uczę się nowych kolorów
sięgam po czarne napoje
i nie wącham już tamtych kwiatów
a ja – dzikie drzewo
toczÄ™ nowe boje
zaczynam się siebie bać
i widzę swoich katów
ja
muszÄ™ tylko
prosto
stać
Remarks about the translation
British English

Title
The tame tree
Dịch
English

Translated by AleksanderS
Target language: English

The tame tree

you saw different people
you saw a different world
your eyes had a different colour
in dust for years

but I, a tame tree,
didn't know
things could not be green

differently was I taught
different milk I drank
different flowers I smelled
yours did not need I
oh, how restrained was I

you see different people
you see a different world
your eyes have a different colour
in dust for years

and I, a young tree,
learn new colours
try black drinks
and I don't smell those flowers anymore

and I, a wild tree,
fight new battles
begin to fear of myself
and I can see my oppressors

I
only have to
stand
tall
Validated by lilian canale - 2 Tháng 11 2009 12:30





Bài gửi sau cùng

Tác giả
Bài gửi

31 Tháng 10 2009 23:06

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
That wasn't "a" but "i"

i nie wącham już tamtych kwiatów ...

The context is clear I guess...

31 Tháng 10 2009 23:08

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
Moreover:

"your eyes had a different colour" (in a first verse)

31 Tháng 10 2009 23:13

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
"but I, a tame tree" --> it sounds a little weird. Don't you think?

Maybe better would be:
"but me being a tame tree" - I'm not sure of course... We need an English expert here...

31 Tháng 10 2009 23:18

AleksanderS
Tổng số bài gửi: 17
"but me being a tame tree" - I'm not sure of course... We need an English expert here...

This is one of the things that could only be assessed by a native English expert on poetry. To me it seems OK as it is, but I'm not an expert.

31 Tháng 10 2009 23:27

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
"But as/being a tame tree,
I didn't know..." would be fine.

31 Tháng 10 2009 23:34

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
Thank you, my dear Lilly!

Tell me also, please, wheather Aleksander's version:

but I, the tame tree,
didn't know...


is also correct... It is closer to the original in this case...

1 Tháng 11 2009 00:01

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
One thing more--> the ending:

only have to
stand
up


stand up--> stand upright ?

For the expert: it means "standing with a proud and dignity".

1 Tháng 11 2009 11:30

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
Aneta, perhaps if we add "stoically" the line gets the sense you mean.

only have to
stand up
stoically


@ Aleksander, you don't have to state what corrections were done to the translation. That is something that through the messages posted under it, the expert who will evaluate the work will notice
Now, I'm setting a poll for it and you won't be able to edit it anymore, OK?
But don't worry. I think it's fine.




1 Tháng 11 2009 18:11

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
Oh, I don't think you understood me, Lilly. I didn't write the litteral meaning above, but metaphorical.

Why "stand upright" is not good? It conveys precisely the Polish source.
With other words: "stand with erect back"

1 Tháng 11 2009 22:08

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
Since you said "standing with a proud and dignity", I thought it involved not only the erect position, but an impassive stance.
But if you say "stand upright" is enough to get the meaning of the original, let it be

1 Tháng 11 2009 22:20

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
Yes! The further meaning should be created just in our mind.

I wanted to give only a direction of our thinking... because I guess that it is natural that we will consider this "standing upright" as a human attitude full of proud and dignity...

1 Tháng 11 2009 22:34

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
a ja oswojone drzewo
--> but I, a tame tree
(2nd verse)
a ja młode drzewo
--> and I, the tame tree (5th)

I haven't noticed before, but the lines are the same in English, but not in Polish version!

młode --> young (but I don't know whether this adjective can be connected with a tree...)

Moreover, why first "tree" is followed by "a", and the next is with "the"??




1 Tháng 11 2009 22:39

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
Oh! I have got an idea!

Maybe "młode drzewo"-->"unripe tree"?

1 Tháng 11 2009 22:48

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
Edited! I hope it's fine now.

1 Tháng 11 2009 22:58

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
Thank you Lilly! Yes it is.

I only wanted to ask about an order of the line:
"yours did not need I"

I understand it is a kind of syntactic inversion...or sth similar?

1 Tháng 11 2009 22:58

lilian canale
Tổng số bài gửi: 14972
Syntax is fine

May I accept this one now?

1 Tháng 11 2009 22:58

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487

2 Tháng 11 2009 09:10

AleksanderS
Tổng số bài gửi: 17
Re: stand up

There is an idiom that fits better here: "stand tall", see e.g. at http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/standing+tall
"to be brave and proud. I can still stand tall. I'm innocent. Our athletes stand tall in the knowledge that they did their best."

2 Tháng 11 2009 11:57

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
Wow! Thank you, Aleksander for your searchings! It was a great shot!

2 Tháng 11 2009 12:03

Aneta B.
Tổng số bài gửi: 4487
Lilly, could you edit if you agree the last proposition is better...?

CC: lilian canale
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