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29 March 2008 21:24 |
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guilonNumber of messages: 1549 | I am really sorry, I have strived to have it well translated into Spanish with the proper rhyme requested, but with no success so far. I can write a beautiful translation but I am not good at metrics and rhyme. Let's see if Lilianca or the others are more endowed. |
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30 March 2008 00:51 |
| | Ok guilon, no problem, you can take your time. I don't want any stress for anyone.
Lilly is a great choice for helping you.
Bises
Tantine |
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30 March 2008 05:02 |
| | Tantine,
this was just a first attempt which will certainly be improved by the suggestions of the many capable people who I hope will help me.
Please, guys, be welcome to post them.
Guilon, en este trabajo vas a tener que meter la nariz y decirme lo que te parece.  |
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30 March 2008 09:28 |
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guilonNumber of messages: 1549 | My mouth just went slack, Lili, you are good at it, I'll take a look and comment more thoroughly somewhen later. |
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31 March 2008 20:58 |
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guilonNumber of messages: 1549 | As I said, this translation is outstanding, I would let almost everything unchanged, only two things on the last two strophes:
TodavÃa no hay violetas
Pero la promesa que firme sigue
Pone en cada señal suya
Es “El invierno se despideâ€
You have three verbs there, I think the third one doesn't fit because of redundancy, I would replace "es" by a conjunction, "que"
TodavÃa no hay violetas
Pero la promesa que firme sigue
Pone en cada señal suya
Que “El invierno se despideâ€
TodavÃa no hay violetas
Igual cantemos con regocijo
Al recibir a la verde princesa
La primavera, la diosa, un principio.
What the original is saying:
TodavÃa no hay violetas
Pero trencemos la corona
Para recibir a la verde princesa
La primavera, la diosa, un principio.
Could you Lili find a way to say that with rhymes? I don't think we should change the meaning of the poem.
All the rest seems just perfect to me. |
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31 March 2008 22:38 |
| | Well...after all that support I guess I should start thinking about writing some poems of my own!!!  Thanks Guilon. 
Seriously;
I agree with Guilon on the "multi-verbal" stuff. The last one should be taken out, for sure.
And for the last verse, I translated from the French original, where
"Mais tressons la couronne
Pour accueillir la princesse verte"
I understood as I wrote since there is the expression in French "tresser des couronnes/lauriers à qqn" which means: praise, to show admiration. 
It was difficult to display an image of joy and admiration with some rhyme. I could just find this way 
Maybe Tantine can help us understand the idea better.
What do you say, Ruth?
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1 April 2008 00:10 |
| | Hi Lilly
The sense of "tressons la couronne" is exactly that, the idea of making a crown from a garland of flowers or leaves in order to crown the coming princess.
If you can't manage to get a crown (or other similar head gear) to rhyme here, maybe there is some other way of heralding the arrival of spring in such "rejoicing".
Feel free to change words or associations if it helps with either the rhyme or the metric. As long as the general tone is one of relieved, awe-inspired joy at the return of the spring season. If it has a rather "pagan" turn it is even better
Bises
Tantine |
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1 April 2008 00:42 |
| | OK, let's try this:
TodavÃa no hay violetas
Trencemos la corona hermosa
Para recibir a la verde princesa
De la primavera, la diosa.
CC: guilon |
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1 April 2008 01:17 |
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1 April 2008 01:51 |
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goncinNumber of messages: 3706 | Sugerencia para la primera estrofa:
"TodavÃa no hay violetas
El aire se mantiene casi tan frÃo
El sol resplandece en la nieve
El hielo se va con el rocÃo." |
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1 April 2008 01:54 |
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goncinNumber of messages: 3706 | Una simple inversión de palabras resuelve la cuarta estrofa:
"TodavÃa no hay violetas
Pero ahora brotan las moras
El azafrán crece, los pájaros trinan
Los dÃas alargan sus horas." |
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1 April 2008 01:57 |
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goncinNumber of messages: 3706 | Sugerencia para la quinta estrofa:
TodavÃa no hay violetas
Pero la promesa que firme va
En cada una de las señales suyas
Es: “El invierno se despide ya†|
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1 April 2008 16:31 |
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guilonNumber of messages: 1549 | Lili,
You may want to take a look to goncinho's suggestions, if you'd rather let things as they are I still think your translation is very good, but he has posted some interesting ideas. |
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1 April 2008 16:57 |
| |  Yes guilon, I have used some of Goncinho's suggestions.
Actually that "Pero ya brotan las moras" was perfect!
This is being a great team work! |
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1 April 2008 17:21 |
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guilonNumber of messages: 1549 | Well, now I'll just let it simmer gently in the oven, and wait to see if someone else has any ingredients to be added, otherwise the plate is ready to be eaten. |
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1 April 2008 23:52 |
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Translation - Francuski-Spanski - Il n’y a pas encore de violettes
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