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Translation - Polish-French - Dzień się narodził...

Current statusTranslation
This text is available in the following languages: PolishEnglishItalianFrench

Category Poetry - Love / Friendship

Title
Dzień się narodził...
Text
Submitted by Aneta B.
Source language: Polish

Dzień się narodził ponownie
Słońce wstało do wędrówki
Właśnie ukrywa się za konarami topoli
Stocznia już daje znać że pracuje
Ptaki jeszcze milczÄ…
Prom wpływa do portu
Niebo błękitnieje
Chmury w kratkÄ™ przeciÄ…Å‚ samolot

Dzień się narodził
A ja żyję nocą
A ja żyję Tobą
Remarks about the translation
British English

Title
Un jour nouveau se lève.
Translation
French

Translated by hanternoz
Target language: French

Un jour se lève à nouveau.
Le soleil se prépare à un voyage
Il se cache pour l'instant derrière les branches de peuplier
Le chantier naval fait entendre sa bruyante activité
Les oiseaux sont encore silencieux
Un ferry entre dans le port
Le ciel bleuit
Un avion découpe des nuages dentelés

Un jour est né
Mais je vis avec la nuit
Je vis avec toi.
Validated by Francky5591 - 10 October 2012 19:23





Last messages

Author
Message

8 October 2012 20:10

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Hi hanternoz,
Thanks for the translation.

@ Hi French experts, could you please read posts under Italian version before you evaluate the text. We've been discussing there an English translation of one line(Le chantier naval fait entendre sa bruyante activité?). Thanks!

CC: RedShadow Francky5591 gamine Bilge Ertan IanMegill2

8 October 2012 22:45

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Hi Aneta! I think hanternoz translated this line very well. "bruyante" means one can hear the noise, and "activité" means people working there are very busy.
"already" like it stands in the Polish text (according to the translation into english you give yourself)hasn't been translated though, this would give : "Le chantier naval fait déjà entendre sa bruyante activité" (or, if ever you want to insist on "already" -meaning "it's very early but ...already one can hear the noise from the works in the shipyard"- , that would give "Déjà, le chantier naval fait entendre sa bruyante activité"

First one is lighter, but IMO it is better without "déjà" (translator into English also skipped "already", apparently".

You decide, it's up to you

9 October 2012 09:15

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Hi Francky,
I know you and the translator will do your best. I just wanted to let you know about the discussion which could be helpful.

9 October 2012 09:45

hanternoz
Number of messages: 61
Thank you Franckie for your support. I don't know what the discussion is about. If it is about "sa bruyante activité" as an usual way of writing this line, I agree. In French we say "une activité bruyante", but I chose a poetic figure of speech, with inversion. I felt it more fitting with the mood of the text.

9 October 2012 09:51

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Hi hanternoz,

The discussion is under the Italian translation. Most of the posts are in English.

9 October 2012 15:58

hanternoz
Number of messages: 61
Hello Aneta.
OK, I see! I read the posts. But I am very very limited in Italian, unfortunately I can't help. But I am interested in knowing the final result.

9 October 2012 22:08

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
But the crucial thing was discussed in English, not in Italian, hanternoz.

The essential post was:

"...litteral, because a true literal translation of Polish: "Stocznia już daje znać że pracuje"
would be:
"The shipyard already lets us know that it has started working".

English translation "The shipyard utters out its busy sounds" is also just metaphorical.

I never use a word "sounds" or "busy sounds" in my poem. It was the translator's into English (Aleksander's) idea. Yet I accepted this as long as the adjective "busy" referred somehow to "work", "working" etc.

Anyway I wouldn't like the first 8 lines were poetic or metaphorical. They are just to be prosaic and to contrast the final three poetic lines".