Tłumaczenie - Chiński-Angielski - 五月天

not good

五月天 May Days

剛誕生的夏天 In the newborn Summer
我們之間 Between us
才完成的愛戀 Love goes mature
緊握的手裡面　有好多明天 So many tomorrows held in our hands
五月的天 In May days
夢開始要鮮豔 Dreams turn to be colourful
前方蜿蜒 Winding forwards
一長串的心願 A string of wishes
我們一天一天　慢慢實現 We can realise day after day

大雨沖走了昨天　青春烏雲幾片 Heavy rain swept yesterday, leaving several young clouds
彩虹的旁邊　有星星幾點　迫不及待在眨眼 New to the rainbow, some stars sparkle in a hurry
海風味道變香甜　沙灘鑲滿亮片 Breeze becomes fragrant sweet, on the beach studded with flares
你哼著永遠　我和著不變 You croon "forever", and I join "stable"
合唱一首五月天 In a chorus of "May Days"

海浪　拼命歡呼跳躍　一遍又一遍 Waves cheer and jump madly, one after another
鼓勵我們　看誰先吻誰的臉 Encouraing one of us to kiss the other's cheek
為這五月之戀　再添一個逗點 To add a comma to this love of May
再多的五月天　怕也不夠我們沉醉 Just too few May days to intoxicate us

海燕　身邊來回盤旋　扮演著領隊 Petrels linger around us, acting as the leader
彷彿聽見幸福在前面不遠 Seems I hear happiness not far ahead
為這五月之戀　再添一點信念 To add some faith to this love of May
往後的五月天　和你走到比永遠還遠 Following May days I'll go with you beyond forever

Pluiepoco -

There are mistakes both in meaning and grammar in this translation. For example:

鼓勵我們　看誰先吻誰的臉 Encouraing one of us to kiss the other's face

This means: "To see who will kiss the other's cheek first" (We usually say "to kiss someone's cheek", not "face"

"sweeped" should be "swept"

"Besides rainbow" is not grammatical, and the meaning is "next to the rainbow", not "in addition to the rainbow"

Please recheck your work or have a native speaker go over it carefully.

Regards,

Karen Chung (native speaker of English)

Hi karchung,

In a song about love, the word "desires" will have sexual connotation. Would you consider using "cherished hopes" instead?

"We are slowly making come true" don't quite fit here because only "dreams" can "come true". In your version, we are talking about "desires" (or "hopes" if you accept my suggestion), perhaps "fulfilling them all" will be better?

You hum, “Forever”
I join in, “Unchanging”
These 2 lines don't flow well. Perhaps you may like to change to:
You hum about “Forever”
I join in with “Unchanging”

"Insert a comma" is not commonly understood in English. Perhaps "Insert a pause" will be better?

今天我看到了MTV，原来这首《五月天》是台湾组合S.H.E的新歌。