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| | 16 דצמבר 2010 16:36 |
| Leinמספר הודעות: 3389 | Hi buketnur
Nice translation! Some minor remarks:
- Is it definitely 'patrols'? That sounds a bit like police or security guards patrolling, something they don't tend to do arm in arm.
- Should we leave 'Åžalvar' untranslated and keep your remark in the comments field? 'baggy trousers' is certainly what it is (judging from the images that came up when I searched the word) but the English 'baggy trousers' most commonly refer to a very different kind of trousers.
- second verse: 'so or such that' sounds awkward. How about just 'can it be so'? or 'can it be like this or like that'?
Same verse: a more common way to put this in English would be 'Ah, if I die, will this world be yours?' - is that ok?
- red bloods -? could we make that 'red blood' or 'red blood stains' or 'red stains of blood'?
Otherwise, nice work
Let me know what you think of my suggestions |
| | 16 דצמבר 2010 19:28 |
| | hi,TRANSLATİNG THİS TEXT a bit diffucult ,because it is a folk song and it has lots of words peculiar to this culture. I agree with you about "will this world be yours?" , it sounds more poetic. ALso about "can it be so or such that" , "öyle böyle olur mu?" o=that öyle= so that, bu=this böyle= so this "öyle böyle" is an expression , they are used together. I don't know how to tranlate it? |
| | 16 דצמבר 2010 19:32 |
| | In addition, I need help for the meaning of the sentence began with patrols. We can set a poll, I also wonder how to tranlate it. |
| | 17 דצמבר 2010 13:14 |
| Leinמספר הודעות: 3389 | OK
I will set a poll to get some reactions from others.
I also found this translation of this song, but it may be less literal than you are trying to do. Maybe it gives you some ideas |
| | 17 דצמבר 2010 14:27 |
| | that translation you found, seems more beautiful and more natural ,but in that tranlsation, some parts is changed so differently than the original one, some sentences I think are wrong. |
| | 17 דצמבר 2010 14:54 |
| | what about "patrolmen"?
and, "arm in arm": i guess the turkish part "kol kol olmuÅŸ" means "patrolmen in troops". "kol" means both "arm" and "troop", and for this song the second is more suitable, in my opinion. |
| | 17 דצמבר 2010 14:59 |
| Leinמספר הודעות: 3389 | is "guards" an option? (found it in the translation I was talking about earlier) |
| | 17 דצמבר 2010 15:09 |
| | it is, as long as they walk around to police |
| | 18 דצמבר 2010 15:25 |
| | Patrols look at one another arm in arm...> The Patrols lined up and looked at |
| | 20 דצמבר 2010 19:55 |
| | This is really well done - I especially liked your use of the notes to explain the more obscure items.
Here are my suggestions for improvement:
"can it be so or such that?" --> "is this the way it must be?" (I think we need a loose translation here, because the original just doesn't make sense in English - it's like an idiom)
My raft? What is that here? Is the funeral procession on water?
I'm not sure "patrols" works here - maybe "troops", or "watchmen".
Also, you might want to explain the significance of the felt shalvar in your note (I'm not sure I would know what it is). |
| | 21 דצמבר 2010 15:13 |
| | ÅŸalvar is a kind of traditional and local trousers.
about raft , here is literature, there is made a comparison between raft and death( or lifetime). the end of life is resembled like a raft which takes path during the journey and which has a destination. A raft reaches the ultimate destination( musalla). THere is not really a funneral on the river with a raft. |
| | 22 דצמבר 2010 18:31 |
| Leinמספר הודעות: 3389 | With this explanation, I suddenly like the song a lot more! Thanks! I have edited, mostly the notes. Let me know if you don't agree |
| | 23 דצמבר 2010 08:18 |
| | "arm in arm" part, again, it is not "arm in arm". turkish part means that they are in small groups. |
| | 23 דצמבר 2010 17:15 |
| | I agree with duguit, for that sentence I wanted a poll. I think it is better |
| | 3 ינואר 2011 12:23 |
| Leinמספר הודעות: 3389 | Sorry, I have been off line for a while. I have edited and accepted. Thank you buketnur and others |