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| | 11 August 2009 19:28 |
| handyyNumber of messages: 2118 | Hi dear
yes, you're right, that part needs a few edits. It must be something like:
I gave my promise/my word, how could I break it/my promise/my word?
Could my heart be looked as traitor/disloyal?
Could one live happily without his beloved/Could a happy life be led without the beloved one?
As far as I know "devran sürmek" means "güzel, rahat bir hayat sürmek/yaşamak". What do you think, Cheesecake, about "devran sürmek"?
CC: cheesecake |
| | 12 August 2009 17:37 |
| | Hi all,
I think you are right handyy, devran sürmek means to have a great, carefree life which means we can say "a happy life"/ "live happily". I also agree that "beloved" should be used instead of a friend |
| | 14 August 2009 20:20 |
| | "Could a faith be lived without any friend " yerine "Could a faith be lived without any lover " olmalı |
| | 15 August 2009 10:48 |
| | Handyy, can you correct your corrections please? I'm not sure whether I understood everything correctly.. |
| | 15 August 2009 14:44 |
| handyyNumber of messages: 2118 | Hmmm, please tell me what you didn't understand fully, dear. |
| | 15 August 2009 17:26 |
| | Yarsız devran sürülür mü (Yar: beloved).... |
| | 15 August 2009 18:25 |
| | Çevirinin en zor kısmı şiirdir. Çünkü bir şiir başka bir dile çevrilemez.Ancak diğer dilde yeni bir şiir yazılabilir. Bir şiiri çevirmek için diğer dile çok hakim olmak gerekir. Bazen anlamı çevirirsiniz ama çevirilen cümle havada kalır... Çünkü diğer dilde bir yeri yoktur Sana katılıyorum adrenomer... |
| | 14 September 2009 18:03 |
| | 'I made a decision,could I go back Does my heart seem treacherous? Can you live happily with no beloved Come back, for goodness sake' |
| | 15 September 2009 12:19 |
| | "yarsız devran sürülür mü" does not give the meaning "could a faith be lived without any friend" |
| | 26 September 2009 03:57 |
| smyNumber of messages: 2481 | just some parts to be edited: 1. instead of "go from" (the first line) "leave" would be better
2. maybe "apartness" sounds better instead of "separation"
3. "without" +"a beloved one" or some other choice of words
4. "go back on" instead "go back to" and also "I promised" for "ikrar verdim" lacks here
5. "Could a faith be lived without any friend" should be edited a bit. i think faith was meant "fate" (a typo here) but still it doesn't convey the meaning, maybe you should use just "life" and "a sweetheart/beloved one" for "yarsız"
6. same comment for the last line
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| | 14 October 2009 21:16 |
| | Hi Chantal, will you finish evaluating this translation or would you like someone else to take care of it? |
| | 14 October 2009 22:00 |
| | If only someone would be able to help me do twice as many things in the same amount of time.. I'm sorry I really wanted to help you out with all the translations but I just don't seem to be able to manage.. |
| | 14 October 2009 22:04 |
| | OK, don't worry
Some evaluations turn out a nightmare sometimes.
Let's have a fresh start here. It seems there are several edits to be made.
I'll try to finish it with the help of handyy and smy, OK?
I hope you will be more available soon |
| | 14 October 2009 22:17 |
| | Girls,
I've made some edits according to your suggestions. Would you check them, please?
CC: cheesecake smy |
| | 14 October 2009 22:37 |
| | Lilian, I think it looks pretty good like that. Only this part ( though it's OK with the meaning, structurally it's different) ;
You will be left without a beloved -> "They will leave you without a beloved" |
| | 14 October 2009 22:44 |
| | I thought "they" was not important. What really matters is "you", the feeling of being alone, left without a beloved, not the fact that "they" will do that. See what I mean?
But if that changes the meaning I can turn it back. |
| | 14 October 2009 22:48 |
| | Oh Gosh! Thank you all
And I'm sorry, I've done this translation but I didn't help you guys |
| | 14 October 2009 23:05 |
| | Yes I see, but in my opinion, the whole song also tells about the cruelty of "them" and the bad things they will do to her ( to the crane). So if we say "They will leave you without a beloved" which is also literally says, we emphasize that they are the reason why she is left without a beloved.
But that's my opinion |
| | 14 October 2009 23:06 |
| | Oh You have already accepted the translation. I didn't see it; then OK we can leave it like that |
| | 15 October 2009 03:21 |
| | No, I haven't accepted it yet. I just cancelled the poll since it didn't make sense keeping it after so many edits. I started a new evaluation and a new poll, so if you think something else should be corrected, please post it, OK? CC: cheesecake |