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Translation - Polish-English - Wstrzymując pęd ku zatracie ...

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กลุ่ม Poetry - Love / Friendship

Title
Wstrzymując pęd ku zatracie ...
Text
Submitted by Aneta B.
Source language: Polish

Wstrzymując pęd ku zatracie

Jak to będzie Panie
gdy ma miłość się trochę zmieni
gdy będę już tylko wspominać
dni upojne w geście i słowie
podświadome czekanie na esemesy
o siódmej nad ranem
i te o drugiej przed snem
- krótkim lecz obowiązkowym
gdy miłosne obrazy zastygną już w wierszach
a serce zacznie w końcu słuchać
i zatrzyma się mój ślepy pęd ku zatracie?
Remarks about the translation
British English

Title
Holding the rush toward self destruction
Translation
English

Translated by AleksanderS
Target language: English

Holding the rush toward self destruction

How is this going to be, Lord
when my love changes a bit?
when all I do will be to remember
the ecstatic days in gesture and words?
subconscious waiting for SMSes
at seven in the morning
and those at two before falling into sleep
- a short yet obligatory one
when love images have eventually set in poems?
when my heart finally starts listening
and my blind rush to self destruction is over?
Validated by lilian canale - 9 November 2009 20:28





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6 November 2009 23:59

AleksanderS
จำนวนข้อความ: 17
I mean here "a lack of control over the love and desires..."

Well, it seems that "annihilation" is totally wrong. I've not found a satisfactory replacement so far, temporary candidates being:
- lose control
- lose my mind
- lose my senses
Let's sleep with this problem, maybe tomorrow we'll solve it.

7 November 2009 00:13

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
Hehehe I count rather on English expert's help here... I think she will know it better...

7 November 2009 01:48

lilian canale
จำนวนข้อความ: 14972
Let's see...if I got your posts right I'd suggest:

SMS-es ---> SMSes
set in poems ---> crystallized in poems
annihilation ---> emotional chaos?


What do you say?

7 November 2009 15:47

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
disarray?? Hm...
emotional chaos? Hm...

I'm not sure...

But I like very much the rest of your suggestions, Lilly.

7 November 2009 15:56

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
Is this possible that English has no any equivalent for Polish noun "zatrata", "zatracenie siÄ™"??

It means emotional state when people love so much that they become blind, chaotic, difficult to communicate, crazy, sometimes even irresponsible and unpredictable in their today actions... The are totally in love...

7 November 2009 16:02

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
I found in my dictionary only a verb "zatracić" --> lose f.e. He seems to have lost all sens of time...
Here I mean that I was near to lose myself...

But here we need a noun from the verb... That is why I suggested "losseness" before...but probably it wasn't good one...

7 November 2009 16:06

lilian canale
จำนวนข้อความ: 14972
"doom"?

7 November 2009 16:11

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
You are very close, Lilly, but this is not exactly the word yet...

being lost/sink/plunged in[to] love --> ....?

7 November 2009 16:34

lilian canale
จำนวนข้อความ: 14972
OMG!
self destruction?
desperation?


Kafetzou? Do you have any ideas?

CC: kafetzou

7 November 2009 16:51

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
O my God! hehe!

destruction is the closest word for now...

"rush for a destruction..." - it sounds quite good,
but it should be more with love connotation...

7 November 2009 18:07

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
infatuation?

love sickness?

obsession?


7 November 2009 18:34

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
Thank you Laura!
Yes, sth between... Probably English language has no the exact equivalent...

The one which I like the most from all the propositions and seems to be the most suitaible is "obsession"...

"Rush for an obsession" - is it correct?

7 November 2009 19:16

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
Oh!
"self destruction" is also very good...

rush/rushing to self distruction - maybe even better...

8 November 2009 15:15

iluvmilka
จำนวนข้อความ: 77
can i just have one suggestion?
in Britian we never say SMS but we use a word "text" it means the same thing but is more common and understandable

8 November 2009 16:49

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
Yes, indeed! When I was staying in England, they didn't use "SMS" at all... They said rather: "I'll send you a text" (or: text message)...only this way...

Thank you, Ania!

8 November 2009 16:55

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
Moreover: There is a lack of the title in the translation.

8 November 2009 18:30

AleksanderS
จำนวนข้อความ: 17
IMHO, self-destruction is too "physical". What about "self-confusion"?

8 November 2009 18:39

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
Hm... I don't know.. Anyway, I like more "self destruction"...

It doesn't have to be considered as a "physical destruction" I think, but rather as a sociological state... (-->a human fall)

8 November 2009 19:41

cahe
จำนวนข้อความ: 2
Mozna by to przetłumaczyć z innym kontekstem ale ogólnie jest ok

8 November 2009 19:46

Aneta B.
จำนวนข้อความ: 4487
Z jakim kontekstem, cahe? Nie rozumiem Twojej uwagi...
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