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Original text - French - Sibelle, est-ce que tu accepterais...

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Sibelle, est-ce que tu accepterais...
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Submitted by tomtseu
Source language: French

Sibelle

Est-ce que tu accepterais une invitation à dîner?

Brasier ardent
Sur le brasier ardent de tes sentiments
Je me suis posé
Ta flamme a réveillé
En moi ce Phoenix
Qui ne fait que s'embraser
Edited by Francky5591 - 15 March 2007 19:00





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15 April 2007 16:48

Francky5591
จำนวนข้อความ: 12396
Sibelle,
Would you accept an invitation for dinner?
Live glowing coals
On the live glowing coals of your feelings
I came up
Your flame woke the Phoenix up inside me
who is just blazing up

16 April 2007 01:00

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
This is great, Francky - I think you should go ahead and translate it. I would make a few small changes:

1) "I came up" seems odd here. Is there another translation for this phrase?

2) Instead of "woke up", I'd just say "woke" - it's more poetic - or "awakened".

3) "who is just blazing up" is awkward, but I don't understand the French, so I can't help you there.

16 April 2007 08:15

Francky5591
จำนวนข้อความ: 12396
- Instead of "I came up", what about "I perched", or "I alighted"
- "who is just flaring up" instead of "who is just blazing up" ("s'embraser", it is when you set the fire to smthg>>>il s'embrase...)>>>>
>>>"Sibelle, would you like an invitation for dinner?
Live glowing coals
On the live glowing coals of your feelings
I alighted (or "I perched"
Your flame woke the Phoenix inside me
Who is just flaring up"

16 April 2007 13:43

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
Thank you - I forgot that this is a translation into Turkish, not into English, so I guess a Turkish person should do it now, but I'll try it if nobody else does in the next few days.

P.S. What's "just" here?

16 April 2007 15:24

Francky5591
จำนวนข้อความ: 12396
"Just" , here is to translate "ne"..."que", which in French would mean "who is only beginning to flare up", but I don't know if I was right to translate that way...

17 April 2007 00:37

kafetzou
จำนวนข้อความ: 7963
"who/which is only beginning to flare up" is a better translation - "just" gives the feeling that the only thing it can do is flare up.