Ciao Xini
Now it's my turn to check your translation!!!
Firstly, the title. If you use the word "nor", it may be better to use the word "neither" before "jacket". Other choice is to use "or" rather than "nor"
This would give:
"With neither jacket nor tie"
or
"Without jacket or tie"
Personally I prefer the first of these two.
For the main body of the text I'll put ... for each line I skip over so you can find where I'm talking about.
...
To climb this luck => not sure of the word luck here maybe "fortune" is better
...
I was no one => might be better than "wasn't anybody
...
...
...
I hung my fear up => "hanged is only used in case of an execution "hanged by the neck until dead", all other cases use "hung"
...
It was growing in my blood => "in" or really "into"?
...
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To who has yet to exist => looks better?
...
To climb the luck => same question as beginning
Without jacket nor tie => same suggestion as title
...
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To understand where did I go => Where I went? where I've come from? where I've been?
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And this dream continues whilst I'm awake => looks better?
And I'm a freer man => free - freer - freest
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To who has to yet to exist
I think there needs to be some punctuation, even though there was none in the source text. This would make the English easier to understand.
If you are OK with these suggestions, I'll see to the punctuation afterwards.
Bises
Tantine
Gunsteling vertalings
.
