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| | 3 Tháng 5 2008 15:57 |
| | wipe the loneliness of your eyes
.....
all of them carry your name, all of them adore you.
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| | 3 Tháng 5 2008 21:26 |
| | all of them değil each of them olmalı. |
| | 4 Tháng 5 2008 21:09 |
| | "one of them" can be better.
and adaÅŸ=namesake |
| | 5 Tháng 5 2008 01:09 |
| | Hi kfeto,
This text sounds too "ornamented" in English.
Let me suggest a few changes to make it fine. OK?
"Wipe the lonely tears from your eyes"
I think what you mean is: "tears of loneliness"
so the line should read:
"Wipe the/those tears of loneliness from your eyes"
a stab is : a thrusting blow with a knife or other sharp pointed instrument, therefore the word "knife" is not necessary here.
"There are a thousand stabs on my back" would be enough.
And for the last line I think it could be just:
" they carry your name, still they adore you."
What do you think?
Does it still keep the original meaning?
Remember that it is a "meaning only" request. |
| | 6 Tháng 5 2008 00:13 |
| kfetoTổng số bài gửi: 953 | if it's fine by you, i'd rather leave it as is. |
| | 6 Tháng 5 2008 00:42 |
| | Hi kfeto,
Actually, there are two things we must change.
1- lonely tears----> tears of loneliness (since lonely is not an apropriate adjective for "tears" )
Tears can be caused by loneliness, but they can't be "lonely".
2- knife stabs --------> stabs (since knife is not necessary and becomes quite redundant)
I hope you agree. |
| | 6 Tháng 5 2008 01:21 |
| | Hi Lilian,
You are right
"tears" and "stabs" are not in the orijinal
Sweep out the loneliness from your eyes
I'm not sure about the use of sweep up in english but in French "balaye" or "fais disparaître"
silmek
There are a thousand knives in my back
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| | 6 Tháng 5 2008 19:24 |
| kfetoTổng số bài gửi: 953 | hi lilian
if in the turkish one can poetically say 'wipe the loneliness from your eyes' then im sure poetically in english one can say 'lonely tears'
one can wipe loneliness from one's eyes as much as that tears can be lonely. figure of speech
either way i edited that and the knife
|
| | 6 Tháng 5 2008 19:39 |
| | Thanks kfeto.
I set a poll. Let's see what the other members think. |
| | 6 Tháng 5 2008 23:13 |
| | Wipe the loneliness from your eyes
and whisper my name to the walls.
There are a thousand knifes on my back,
all of them carry your name and all of them adore you |
| | 7 Tháng 5 2008 02:01 |
| | 1. BIÇAK means KNİFE not STAB.
2. why BUT STÄ°LL? there's only comma in the original. |