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Translation - Pools-Engels - Klucz

Current statusTranslation
This text is available in the following languages: PoolsEngels

Category Poetry - Liefde / Vriendskap

Title
Klucz
Text
Submitted by Aneta B.
Source language: Pools

Nazywasz mnie swojÄ… boginiÄ… ...
Mówisz o uwielbieniu ...
Przestajesz dotykać ...
Powściągasz wzrok ...

Niczym pasjonata
zaczytujesz siÄ™ w mojej duszy
Z niedowierzaniem
chłoniesz mój inny świat

I trochę przestajesz istnieć ...
Nieobecny ...

Czyżbyś szukał klucza do mego serca ?
Miły mój - proszę Cię - W A L C Z !
Remarks about the translation
I ask about a careful translation in British English.

Title
The Key
Translation
Engels

Translated by iluvmilka
Target language: Engels

You call me your goddess
Speak of adoration
Stop touching
And curb your gaze...

Almost like a passionate
You read my soul
and absorb my other world
astonished...

And you become a bit missing
somehow absent...

Do you seek the key to my heart?
My darling, I beg you, FIGHT!
Remarks about the translation
Voila :)
Laaste geakkrediteerde redigering deur lilian canale - 11 September 2009 13:33





Last messages

Author
Message

10 September 2009 15:07

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Thank you!!!
Yes, distant looks to be perfect here!
I understand about "take in"... Thank you for explanations. My English isn't so good as yours, so I didn't know the phrasal...

10 September 2009 15:21

iluvmilka
Number of messages: 77
Your English is fine dont worry. I'll tell you a secret: sometimes i use a dictionary :-)

10 September 2009 15:23

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Hehe! Me too

10 September 2009 17:04

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Hi girls

I didn't get this line:
"You read till the small hours in my soul"

Also "And you stop to exist (a little bit)" what do the brackets mean? Are they in the original?

10 September 2009 17:13

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Well, I don't understand this first line too. You know my version... You're reading my soul with passion... but I thought Ania said the same only in a different way...


A propos the second question of yours I would pull it out of the brackets... it is in the source... (trochÄ™ = a little bit)
But wouldn't more correct: You stop existing a little bit?


10 September 2009 17:21

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Well, literaly it means that the man becomes less and less existing...

10 September 2009 17:49

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
OK, here's a version I got by combining both versions, yours and iluvmilka's, and adding some suggestions of my own.

You call me your goddess
Speak of praise
Stop touching
And curb your gaze...

Almost like a passionate
You read my soul
and absorb my other world
suspiciously...

And you become a bit missing
somehow absent...

Do you seek the key to my heart?
My darling, I beg you, FIGHT!


What do you think? Is there anything I misunderstood?



10 September 2009 17:38

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
"praise" - I associate the word rather with religious texts (Bible or Gospel songs), but I say here about an admiration of a man for a woman...
and
What does "sough" mean? I don't know the word, sorry, dear Lilly. I haven't even found it in my poor dictionary...

I like "suspiciously" very much!
The rest - perfect for me...

10 September 2009 17:48

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
'praise' is not used just to 'praise God', it means "express approval or commendation" "make positive comments about something". It's perfectly suitable here.

Oops! you would never find "sough" for I mistyped it
I should have written "seek". I edited the line and forgot to change the verb.
Before I had written: "If the key to my heart is sought..."

10 September 2009 18:35

iluvmilka
Number of messages: 77
"to do something till the small hours' is an idiom meaning that you're giving your whole heart to somthing and you are absolutely dedicated to it

10 September 2009 20:02

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Lilly, about "praise", "express approval or commendation" "make positive comments about something" isn't precisely what I meant here I meant that the man adore the woman.. In other words "He is saying that he adore her..." I can see the line has been already changed... but by who, by Ania or by you?
BTW. "seek" is very good...

Ok, Ania. I got it. Anyway, don't take any offence but I prefer here Lilly's proposition and absorb my other world, because it is closer to the original...

Thanks anyway both of you for your excellent work on the translation. I really appreciate it.

10 September 2009 20:06

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
I must confess I've never heard of that idiom in this way.
"till the small hours" is used in a different context, like in: "I usually study till the small hours the night before an exam"

BTW, I haven't edited anything yet.

10 September 2009 21:00

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Once again "suspiciously"... Doesn't have the word negative connotation?

"With disbelief" is literal translation. He absorbs my world and can't believe in it and he is surprised by my world, because it is so big and different then his one and so various and maybe even fascinating for him. So, that is actually his disbelief with feeling of big surprise. Positive connotation.

Sorry, nothing was changed in this line. Only the word "absent-minded" was changed into "distant"...

10 September 2009 21:25

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
What about "astonished"?

10 September 2009 21:33

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Yes!
This is just what I meant!

10 September 2009 21:39

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Fine, then I think we hit the nail on the head and the version is ready.

10 September 2009 22:07

iluvmilka
Number of messages: 77
Lilian, that's just brilliant! Really really good and professional translation. Im well impressed!

10 September 2009 22:13

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Yes it is, but what about the "praise". I don't like it too much

11 September 2009 01:21

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
The 'praise' was gone!

11 September 2009 09:35

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Thank you!
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