Vertaling - Frans-Engels - Mon Mistigri, mon infidèle, Tu dois venir quand...

Hello swe27, "se sauver" means "to run away", "to escape", not "to save"

Hi swe27

Wow, I'm impressed, you got this to rhyme

I think you should use "have to" rather than shall, as the original is quite imperative.

I wonder whether we could shorten the second line, which is a bit "clumsy". I thought we might be able to put "you should obey me when I yell" (so as it rhymes with "infidel".

Third line - what about "Instead of running after mice". "Mice" and "night" are close enough rhymes.

Then "You have one habit that I dread
Of sneaking out to the trees
When I have made you some bread
With sauce and gruyère cheese
You're lucky to have a mistress
As patient as I am
And ready to give you a caress
For behaviour I should condemn"

This is only a suggestion, you seem to know how difficult poetry can be.

Let me know what you think

Bises
Tantine

I agree with Tantine, about lines #2 and #3 that have to be edited, as line #2 suggested by her is closer in rythm to the original, then at line#3 "running after mice" is the correct meaning.

Good work though, as it isn't that obvious translating poetries into a language that isn't the one you speak fluent, swe27

Thank you!

I agree with Francky, you've done a great job with this

It would still make for better reading in English if we change from "shall" to "have to" or "ought to" or "must".

Bises
Tantine