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78Traduko - Greka-Angla - Έπεφτε βαθεια σιωπή στο παλιό μας δάσος, ...

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Titolo
Έπεφτε βαθεια σιωπή στο παλιό μας δάσος, ...
Teksto
Submetigx per irini
Font-lingvo: Greka

Έπεφτε βαθεια σιωπή στο παλιό μας δάσος,

"τρέξε να σε πιάσω" μου χες πρωτοπεί
Και όταν ετριζε η βροχή στα πεσμένα φύλλα,
πόση ανατριχίλα μέσα στην ψυχή.

Rifuzita traduko
Titolo
Rain was falling in our old wood
Traduko
Angla

Tradukita per irini
Cel-lingvo: Angla

Rain was falling in our old wood,

"run so that I can catch you" you had told me for the first time
and when the rain was rustling on the fallen leaves
how much shuddering inside the soul.
Rimarkoj pri la traduko
Note: this is supposed to work ONLY as an in-between translation.

The text itself is a bit surealistic (it's part of the lyrics of a song)

a) "τρέξε να σε πιάσω" "run so that I can catch you". The verbatim translation is "run to catch you". It's what one person would say to another when playing e.g. tag

b)ετριζε η βροχή στα πεσμένα φύλλα "the rain was rustling on the fallen leaves" Well I am not quite sure if "rustling" is the right verb. The Greek verb "τρίζω" (which is what the rain was doing) means
crack, crackle, gnash, grind, groan, creak, squeak, scrape, scratch, crunch, rustle, trate.
Now I don't think the rain is making any of the above noises when falling on fallen leaves. It makes a sort of "tap tap" sound :(

c)πόση ανατριχίλα μέσα στην ψυχή "how much shuddering inside the soul." Another tricky one. The overall meaning is that the noise of the rain on the leaves causes ???? to the soul, causes the soul to ????, causes one to feel a ??? inside his/her soul to be exact.

The ???? is shiver(ing), crawl(ing), shudder(ing), quiver(ing), you choose!
I mean it! It's either shivering or shuddering if you ask me. The word and context gives me the feeling that it talks about goose bumps of the soul.

Hope these notes help a bit
Rifuzita de Chantal - 23 Januaro 2007 12:52





Lasta Afiŝo

Aŭtoro
Afiŝo

23 Januaro 2007 15:02

kafetzou
Nombro da afiŝoj: 7963
Wow - this is a tough one - one of my favourite songs, too.

My comments:

"Έπεφτε βαθεια σιωπή" should be "A deep stillness was falling" instead of "Rain was falling".

"run and I'll catch you" would be better than the longer version, but what we really say in games like tag is "Ready or not, here I come!"

Also, I would say "you had said to me" - it's simpler than "you had told me for the first time".

As for the "rustling" rain, I agree that it's not quite right. Maybe "the rain was beating a rhythm on the leaves". This is a free translation, though.

Everything else looks fine, though. The song always gave me the image of two kids playing tag in the forest - in the rain - and the boy catches the girl and they fall onto the wet leaves ... and ... and ...

23 Januaro 2007 15:05

irini
Nombro da afiŝoj: 849
Whoops! I was thinking of the rain and didn't re-read the thing. Thanks for looking it over kafetzou (you could edit it you know, no worries) but it seems Chantal was way too hasty in rejecting it.

Kids eh? How old exactly?

23 Januaro 2007 15:08

kafetzou
Nombro da afiŝoj: 7963
Well, because of the "tag" game, I thought of kids, maybe early teens? Am I way off with the image?

23 Januaro 2007 15:36

irini
Nombro da afiŝoj: 849
Nahh! But I always thought we're talking about teenagers since the whole song has a rather erotic feel (and then he goes to the army/war and then I get depressed) (well that's my feeling at least ).

23 Januaro 2007 15:47

irini
Nombro da afiŝoj: 849
Btw, why don't you make a translation of it yourself? You know a better in-between translation to help those who may want to translate it in Portuguese or Spanish?

I should have said before that I know that this is not a good translation but I thought it was obvious from my stating that it was to be used only as an in-between (in which cases I prefer a bad translation with explanatory notes than a better translation that may lead further away when used as source text).

Hmmm perhaps I should ask about this in the forum section

23 Januaro 2007 16:29

kafetzou
Nombro da afiŝoj: 7963
I did. I couldn't edit your translation because it had already been rejected, so I went ahead and translated it myself.

Anyway, I couldn't resist - a good song lyric deserves a good translation, έτσι δεν είναι;

26 Januaro 2007 11:53

Borges
Nombro da afiŝoj: 115
I found the entire song and a translation into english here:

http://br.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060705230810AAOd6bb

26 Januaro 2007 14:48

irini
Nombro da afiŝoj: 849
Kafetzou you are right and a really good translation you did!

Borges nice link, thanks !

26 Januaro 2007 14:51

kafetzou
Nombro da afiŝoj: 7963
Thanks irini and Borges - interesting!