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78翻訳 - ギリシャ語-英語 - Έπεφτε βαθεια σιωπή στο παλιό μας δάσος, ...

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タイトル
Έπεφτε βαθεια σιωπή στο παλιό μας δάσος, ...
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irini様が投稿しました
原稿の言語: ギリシャ語

Έπεφτε βαθεια σιωπή στο παλιό μας δάσος,

"τρέξε να σε πιάσω" μου χες πρωτοπεί
Και όταν ετριζε η βροχή στα πεσμένα φύλλα,
πόση ανατριχίλα μέσα στην ψυχή.

否決された翻訳
タイトル
Rain was falling in our old wood
翻訳
英語

irini様が翻訳しました
翻訳の言語: 英語

Rain was falling in our old wood,

"run so that I can catch you" you had told me for the first time
and when the rain was rustling on the fallen leaves
how much shuddering inside the soul.
翻訳についてのコメント
Note: this is supposed to work ONLY as an in-between translation.

The text itself is a bit surealistic (it's part of the lyrics of a song)

a) "τρέξε να σε πιάσω" "run so that I can catch you". The verbatim translation is "run to catch you". It's what one person would say to another when playing e.g. tag

b)ετριζε η βροχή στα πεσμένα φύλλα "the rain was rustling on the fallen leaves" Well I am not quite sure if "rustling" is the right verb. The Greek verb "τρίζω" (which is what the rain was doing) means
crack, crackle, gnash, grind, groan, creak, squeak, scrape, scratch, crunch, rustle, trate.
Now I don't think the rain is making any of the above noises when falling on fallen leaves. It makes a sort of "tap tap" sound :(

c)πόση ανατριχίλα μέσα στην ψυχή "how much shuddering inside the soul." Another tricky one. The overall meaning is that the noise of the rain on the leaves causes ???? to the soul, causes the soul to ????, causes one to feel a ??? inside his/her soul to be exact.

The ???? is shiver(ing), crawl(ing), shudder(ing), quiver(ing), you choose!
I mean it! It's either shivering or shuddering if you ask me. The word and context gives me the feeling that it talks about goose bumps of the soul.

Hope these notes help a bit
Chantalによって拒否されました - 2007年 1月 23日 12:52





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2007年 1月 23日 15:02

kafetzou
投稿数: 7963
Wow - this is a tough one - one of my favourite songs, too.

My comments:

"Έπεφτε βαθεια σιωπή" should be "A deep stillness was falling" instead of "Rain was falling".

"run and I'll catch you" would be better than the longer version, but what we really say in games like tag is "Ready or not, here I come!"

Also, I would say "you had said to me" - it's simpler than "you had told me for the first time".

As for the "rustling" rain, I agree that it's not quite right. Maybe "the rain was beating a rhythm on the leaves". This is a free translation, though.

Everything else looks fine, though. The song always gave me the image of two kids playing tag in the forest - in the rain - and the boy catches the girl and they fall onto the wet leaves ... and ... and ...

2007年 1月 23日 15:05

irini
投稿数: 849
Whoops! I was thinking of the rain and didn't re-read the thing. Thanks for looking it over kafetzou (you could edit it you know, no worries) but it seems Chantal was way too hasty in rejecting it.

Kids eh? How old exactly?

2007年 1月 23日 15:08

kafetzou
投稿数: 7963
Well, because of the "tag" game, I thought of kids, maybe early teens? Am I way off with the image?

2007年 1月 23日 15:36

irini
投稿数: 849
Nahh! But I always thought we're talking about teenagers since the whole song has a rather erotic feel (and then he goes to the army/war and then I get depressed) (well that's my feeling at least ).

2007年 1月 23日 15:47

irini
投稿数: 849
Btw, why don't you make a translation of it yourself? You know a better in-between translation to help those who may want to translate it in Portuguese or Spanish?

I should have said before that I know that this is not a good translation but I thought it was obvious from my stating that it was to be used only as an in-between (in which cases I prefer a bad translation with explanatory notes than a better translation that may lead further away when used as source text).

Hmmm perhaps I should ask about this in the forum section

2007年 1月 23日 16:29

kafetzou
投稿数: 7963
I did. I couldn't edit your translation because it had already been rejected, so I went ahead and translated it myself.

Anyway, I couldn't resist - a good song lyric deserves a good translation, έτσι δεν είναι;

2007年 1月 26日 11:53

Borges
投稿数: 115
I found the entire song and a translation into english here:

http://br.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060705230810AAOd6bb

2007年 1月 26日 14:48

irini
投稿数: 849
Kafetzou you are right and a really good translation you did!

Borges nice link, thanks !

2007年 1月 26日 14:51

kafetzou
投稿数: 7963
Thanks irini and Borges - interesting!