Translation - Russian-English - Искорка твоей души,однажды пронзившая моё...

I think this line is missing from the translation "Посмотри на небо..." - Take a look at the sky...

I agree with Linak about missing line.

Искорка - little spark

Посмотри на небо not translated. "is whispering" would be better than "whisper". And could we do without the word "tale", there is no word like this in the original.

Yes, I omitted the part with the sky, thanks! About whether we could do without the tale, I'm not sure if it would be correct to say "they whisper about my love" in English, if it is, OK. Let's see what the expert would say.

Мне кажется, что "grew up" не подходит, так как имеет значение стал взрослым, и лучше "grew" в значении произрос.
А цветок не просто цветок, он еще и огненный, поэтому думаю, что нужно добавить "fiery flower"
А, вообще, текст жутко "кудрявый", тяжело передать смысл.
It seems to me that it's not correct to use "grew up" because it means "became adult" and better to use "grew".
And the flower is not just flower it's "огненный" so I'd add "fiery flower"
Really, the text is rather complicated and it's very hard to translate

Забыла добавить про звезды, которые шепчут
Почему бы не перевести как
"Listen to them, each one of them is wispering how I love you"
I forgot to say about wispering stars
Why should it be translated like:
"Listen to them, each one of them is wispering how I love you"?

The text is not composed properly, first of all...
"The fiery flower of flame" is tautology and sounds clumsily in any language. And (as I said above), I'm not sure if a phrase like "...is whispering how I..." or "...whispers about my..." would be correct in English. I think not.

ViaLuminosa you translate Солнышко as "my sun". What about "Sunny"?

Sounds good.