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Translation - Croatian-English - BROD OD PAPIRA

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Category Song - Love / Friendship

This translation request is "Meaning only".
Title
BROD OD PAPIRA
Text
Submitted by zvjerka
Source language: Croatian

KAZU, PUSTAS BRODOVE RIJEKOM PAPIRNE, NA SVAKOM PISE "CEKAM A NEMA TE".
BEZ TEBE NE SMIJEM JA NE UMIJEM DISATI, SMIJATI SE, VOLJETI.
KAZU DA PUSTAS ZMAJEVE NEBOM NAJVISE, NA SVAKOM PISE ZASTO NEMA TE.
KADA ODES ONDA UCINI TO DA TAKO NE IZGLEDA, KADA ODES OD MENE ONDA UCINI "SAMO TO".
Remarks about the translation
ENGLESKI US

Title
Paper Boat
Translation
English

Translated by feroz
Target language: English

You let paper boats down the river, they say.
"Waiting for you and you are not there" is written on each.
I can't go on without you, I can't breathe, I can't laugh, I can't love.
You let kites fly high, they say.
"Why aren't you here?" are the words on each.
When you leave me don't make me realize that, when you leave me do it that way.

Validated by lilian canale - 4 September 2008 14:08





Last messages

Author
Message

1 September 2008 21:37

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Hi feroz (Wow! your nick means "fierce" in Spanish)

I'm puzzled by the end of some sentences: "said each"

Before those "can't" we need a subject in English

"Why You are not here?" that should read: "Why aren't you here?"

And I think "...when you leave me do only that"
would be better if : "when you leave me just do it"


What do you think?

2 September 2008 07:20

feroz
Number of messages: 7
1. "Said each" means every paper boat, every kite
2. "Why aren't you here?" - I agree with you
3. "Do only that" in contexts of the poem means leave me in such way that I still be thinking you are here while " just do it" says just leave me.

Btw, FEROZ is name of my blackberry wine. I pick up the word from Spanish dictionary under word "sangre"(blood) and means something like "thirsty of blood".

3 September 2008 01:36

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
OK feroz, let me see if I got it.

"You let paper boats down the river, they say.
"Waiting for you and you are not there" each replied.
I can't go on without you, I can't breathe, I can't laugh, I can't love.
You let kites fly high, they say.
"Why aren't you here? each said.
When you leave me don't make me realize that, when you leave me do it that way."


Does this convey the meaning?

2 September 2008 14:51

feroz
Number of messages: 7
Yes Lilian, you make it right.
Now the translation looks accurate.
Thank you.

2 September 2008 23:35

BORIME4KA
Number of messages: 30
Text should be "is written on each of them" instead of "each replied" or "each said". Also, "breathe" instead of "breath"

3 September 2008 01:42

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Oh...so those are messages written on the paper boats or kites.

Hum...that changes things a little.

Do you agree feroz?

3 September 2008 07:18

feroz
Number of messages: 7
"is written on each of them" is literally translation, but I think "each replied" and "each said" is shorter and sounds better in the poem and meaning is the same.
"breathe" or "breath" - I checked in dictionary, both is correct.

3 September 2008 10:40

zvjerka
Number of messages: 1
thank you for translation,it's ok...bye bye..

4 September 2008 14:07

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Hi feroz,

The problem is that the meaning changes. We can choose shorter forms for a sentence if it reflects exactly what the original means, however in this case I think that it would not be clear that the sentence is "written" on a paper boat if we don't say so.

For the words "breath" (noun) or "breathe" (verb), both exist, but in this case we need the verb.

3 September 2008 13:01

feroz
Number of messages: 7
I agree, specially because request was for meaning.